Monday, February 18, 2013


1. i'm the type of person that likes to be______ in bed: UNDERNEATH, as in under the bed, i was always enamored of the monsters under my bed, they tried to scare me with those horror bedtime stories, but i eventually fucked the monsters and made them my brides.
2. if the sexiest person i know propositioned me for sex, i would________: FIRST OF ALL, the sexiest person i have ever known is dead. *wet blanket*
3. the worst part about________when i'm naked is_________: the worst part about me when i'm naked is the fact that i'm naked.
4. i regret my first_______: BLOG POST, i fell for the trap of computer happiness and have paid the price ever since, now it's an incurable addiction.
5. the last sexual/kinky thing i expected to like was_______: vanilla missionary sex, i always figured it would be cum-in-mouth and anal from now on, or anal and cum-in-mouth on Tuesdays.
6. recently, i___________someone: POKED someone, both meanings.
bonus: you have been kidnapped by lesbians and dragged into a lesbian orgy, what are you going to do? SEE ABOVE PICS, ALL OF THEM. FIRST OF ALL, no need for dragging, i come and cum willingly, just loosen the plastic handcuffs a little bit, my wrists are starting to hurt, also make sure you cut those plastic handcuffs into many little pieces before you toss them in the blue recycling bin, don't want innocent beach seagulls to choke on them. seriously. now, time for my heavenly reward. Mom said i should be a doctor/lawyer, but no, i decided to become whatever it is i have become that one day a harem of hot frisky lesbians would carry me off and punish me for my sins. the Devil is tricky, though, did i land in Lesbian Heaven or Lesbian Hell?...this of course after i died from drowning in clit juice. Heaven and Hell look exactly the same, the same luxurious rugs, the same red-felt couches, the same gaggle of impossibly gorgeous, not-a-speck-of-fat-on-them naked asses and tits and fully-done-up hair tresses. the slight difference? Heaven has grapes, Hell has prunes, Heaven has a real-gold pimp cup, Hell hands out tin, Heaven the girls want more than sex, they want to know about your art and tell you your art is unique and revolutionary, Hell does the same, except in Hell, your art actually sells, you become famous, and you never again know what it is like to be loved for yourself and your inner, needed-to-be-unearthed-by-that-special-girl qualities, you are forever surrounded by yes men, sycophants, relatives who want money, and nondescript whores. that's a lesson for ya: go for the whore with the heart of gold, Julia Roberts.


the late phoenix said...

i confused lesbians with lesbian porn. i'm so sorry about that...

Anonymous said...

Man, I wish I fit underneath my bed.

the late phoenix said...

sexsational: I'm a skinny Minnie, or rather, skinny Mickey