TMIT: THE BIG O

pic 10 from atop: love that :)


1. do you remember your first orgasm? how old were you? do tell, do tell: something funny was happening in my pants, and it wasn't number one or number two...it was number three. i don't remember how old i was, for time stopped still then and still hasn't recovered, still hasn't progressed. i lost all of my forward progression and momentum and career and growth trajectory, my adult maturity is gone forever, and i became, then and forever, a male blogger. viva la difference!

2. what is your favorite way to orgasm? sex, g spot, p spot, oral?: p spot, penis spot

3. are there any ways you want to experience orgasm but haven't yet? oral, g/p spot, squirt, with or w/o vibrator?: i've squirted...milk out my mouth when i laugh at my own jokes. God built me with a real-life flesh vibrator down my belly button, so i'm good there. i'd say g spot, good spot, that's what it stands for, or great spot if you're a pro.

4. have you ever had an orgasm in your sleep? i've never actually slept, not one time, that's the problem with me, that's why i'm always on edge...

5. what is the easiest/fastest way for you to have an orgasm? good anime with dark lines like The Big O does it for me, or chicken, good chicken like the new Kentucky Fried Chicken Chicken Little sandwiches with the white sauce and the pickles, had one this weekend, it was serviceable, or the new Burger King Popcorn Chicken, gonna try those next week with barbecue sauce.

6. how many times a week do you try to reach orgasm? you do the math...oh, well, yeah, if you consider that i am a man, i'm trying to reach orgasm literally (like Joe Biden is fond of saying), literally every second i draw a breath, in fact twice in one breath, so...you do the math, i'm an English major

7. have you ever had an orgasm simultaneously with your partner? who normally cums first? that is the ultimate sex experience, huh? that's what i've been told by women anyway, the cum-at-the-same-time spiritual connection, after such a feat, you must pray for forty days and forty nights and fast, or it will never happen again. no? oh come on, Linda, i believed you. anyway, there's an old proverb that goes, "he who cums last cums best." other variants include "he who cums last cums messiest" and "he who cums first lives in the basement."

8. can you have multiples? no, my cat could never have babies, she was spayed, i followed ol' Bob Barker's advice even though i cooled on The Price Is Right after my 50th game of Plinko. my cat's okay, it was benign, no cancer, thank you to all out there in the cyber world, my kitty and i really appreciate it! meow!

9. how long does it normally take you to reach orgasm? one flip of the page...

10. have you ever faked one? that's difficult for men to do with all of the white visual evidence everywhere, but actually, one time instead of cumming cum, i cummed water. i know, it was strange, but not strange enough to panic, y'know? it was harmless water, not hot lava or something. my doctor agreed.





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