TNH: WILD

*CLICKY CLICKY*


click on the last flower to watch the series wash away into the offing...


you were wild
you were too wild
you turned me wild
letting you go is death
inhaling you means negating me
and all that i stood for
i've learned you can't tame the wild
in the blink of an eye it's gone
the memories are transitioned to the scrapbook the way i wished them to be
but not how they were really lived
a man can change all the way around
and end up at the start
you are wild
wild presses on
wild, gone:

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TMIT: GETTIN' OFF...TO A CATEGORY 5 HURRICANE

you know what i'm gonna say here first, right? go watch the music video of Foxy's "Get Off", do it with a friend.

okay, now i know i've lied to you before, but seriously, take a look at PIC 23 from the top, the dude with the shaved head, that is the closest pic i've seen in awhile to how i really look like, seriously, except that i'm much more handsome than that, i'm more in the Ryan Lochte dumb jock level

1. have you ever initiated a booty call? in my mind it always goes well, but it's more sloppy in real life, people playing email tag with you four times in one day, then not contacting you for four weeks, that kind of mindfuck meddles with the pleasure of setting it up, fucking your brains out, cumming, rescheduling. hey, all i ask is for some communication ground rules before we get started, huh?

2. have you ever accepted a booty call? i'm a man...so...every time, yes...though those ground rules, y'know...ground rules sure do help matters...placates the parties...make it go down like so much soft, silky ice cream

3. ever had a "friends with benefits" relationship? how did it go down? still friends? i'll say this once again and say it 'til the brown cows come home: the most perfect relationship between a man and a woman is as friends with benefits, both parties get the sex but there is no couple drama, no marriage exhaustion, no problems whatsoever. some of my best female friends are fwb, these are the ones which last. i mean, Mila Kunis looks pretty happy in that movie, right? mind you, i didn't actually see the movie, don't know how it ends, but movies are real life, right? celluloid pretend is better than actual living in this cruel world, hehehhe. everyone wants to have the Romeo and Juliet romance...what? i didn't read the ending...suicide you say? oh fuck...

4. what made your best one-night stand so good? i peered into her soul, her windows, her eyes, those rare blue eyes, blue of the mighty oceans, she told me of her great cat, her pussy, she was allergic to her pussy, made her eyes water, what i was seeing in her eyes was not deep blue but deep red from allergies, she needed to be taken to the hospital to re-up her meds, oh her pussy, that pussy of hers, she told me on the way to the doc that she liked long walks on the beach...

5. when was your last one-night stand? PUSSY i exclaimed, oh pussy, you are so caring, my dear, you keep a pet kitten though you are sick from it, that demonstrates the depth of your love, your capacity to love, o if only you could love me that way, i must compete with your pussy but i am game, i am game...

6. what's the grimiest, dirtiest place you've had sex? TWO WORDS: KITTY LITTER, that's all i'm gonna say...just imagine all of those keep-fresh tiny blue and grey pebbles everywhere...love that word GRIME


bonus: what's the one random thing you wish your friends knew about you? pray tell what is this entity you call "friend"? anyway, i despise bucket lists, i mean, y'know, fuck bucket lists, but i have to concede that there is one thing on my bucket list: to experience, either really outside or at least from a finely-done film of it, a category 5 hurricane. i'm a California kid, so i've never experienced a hurricane, thus they are downright mystical to me, those proud, huge, rumbling storms, circling perfectly around that strong eye, the eye of God Herself. now i know all the devastation and loss of life these storms cause, i'm only talking about the feat of nature itself, it is quite awe-inspiring. i love hurricanes, those hurricane hunters are awesome, and they get paid for goin' all Indiana Jones! the babes on the Weather Channel are now telling me that Isaac will probably end up being a 1 as it hits, but it's so fucking huge in scope and width and breadth that it's gonna cause other problems as a slow-moving monster than it would have as a quick-moving 3. where are the cat 5s? Africa, right? i just want to experience that somehow, like in one of those specially-equipped planes the experts use to measure the eye speed, i just want to see a cat 5 up close...and witness the most extreme power and force and glory of that old babe Mother Nature...EXTREME!!!!!





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MY FIRST EVER GUEST POST!: APPEARANCES

you all know about my blogger buddy Missed Periods, right?

CLICK HERE AT THIS LINK TO GO TO HER AWESOME BLOG



she's COOL, she's HOT, you will get SCHOOLED, she'll teach you what's correct and what's NOT


i've always had a thing for the English language, and for teachers, so when an English teacher comes along...

okay, class, quiet! sit up straight! sit still! class is in session:





Hello readers of the late phoenix blog. Late has been very generous to allow me to promote my new book, Missed Periods and Other Grammar Scares, at his blog place.

I am assuming that, like me, to view this blog, you all click "I understand and wish to continue" when confronted with the warning that "The blog which you are able to view may contain content only suitable for adults." And therefore i am further assuming that you come here for material that verges on the risque, and you are probably thinking that grammar is the last thing you came here for, BUT WAIT, don't go! Missed Periods and Other Grammar Scares is definitely the dirtiest little grammar book you will ever read. And to prove this to you, i'm going to provide you with some excerpts to whet your appetite:

The first line:

Spelling can be as elusive as the female orgasm.

Why forgetting commas can be confusing:

If you're ever in the mood to give head over to the local charity.

My proofreading advice:

Honor your refractory period.

Make sure it's hard.

Try a different position.

Get hard core.

If that doesn't get you in the mood for conjugating, I don't know what will!







see? she's good, huh? i'm calling on all of my followers, and all of my lurkers, to stop what they're doing at this very moment and go out and buy her newly-published book, it's a matter of life and death, help this woman achieve her dream of one day being interviewed by Jon Stewart on his show, the book is SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good, y'all, your very grammatical soul is in danger of eternal damnation if you don't:




CLICK HERE AT THIS LINK TO GO TO THE BOOK'S AMAZON LISTING





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TNH: DRUM

*CLICKY CLICKY*



click on the steelpan for #3 of 4


THEN, CLICK HERE AT THIS LINK AND STAY TUNED FOR THE DRUM MASTERPIECE AT THE END


beat beat beat goes the drums
fear creeps in to this Big Drummer Man
but is it fear of dying
or fear of being found out?
the beat beat beat from a faraway Caribbean isle
pierces close to my eardrums
where my spirit cannot run away
for my spirit is both there and here at the same time
scared now,
i'm being called to the place where i am to be alone forever,
but do i call this place heaven or hell?






CLICK HERE FOR THE NAUGHTY HANGOUT





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TMIT: ALL PLEASURE, NO PAIN

first, watch the music video for DIVINYLS--PLEASURE AND PAIN (1985) and see if you can mimic her facial expressions in that vid during your next sexual encounter...



1. which do you enjoy more in bed, pain or pleasure? in bed, pleasure, i've had so much pain in my real, non-online life already, thrice physically, psychologically, and spiritually, i need an enjoyable salve, sex becomes my relief from all that. in the street, however, when i fuck in the streets, it's pain.

2. do you like being tickled during sex? where? yes, in my Tickle Me Elmo spot.

3. have you ever used feathers during sex? yes, just recently, with my favorite hot-as-fuck blogger i met online, she introduced me to the magical world of using the bird to root the bird. yeah, i like to stick that feather ever so gently up her perfect arse, like as seen in that pic above, *tickle tickle* to get her goosebumps going, and then i blow the feather out the window, the feather was never ours to control, we just used it actually, we're terrible people, if you really love something, you'll blow it away, if it comes back, y'know the rest of that trope...

4. do you like to be blindfolded during sex? why? well, yes, but i hate to be derivative, so i'll only go for red blindfolds. red blindfolds are still exotic enough in pop culture, y'know? the grey ones are too 50 SHADES, the black ones have been done to death in all of those obscure foreign erotic films, so it has to be red. green, too...blue...white...

5. have you ever used cold or hot during your sex play? what provided the cold or hot? FOUR WORDS: PIC SIX FROM ATOP. what provided for the Icy Hot? my money, my rare coin collection consisting of everyday quarters and dimes and pennies and the like...nobody uses pennies anymore, huh? they're gonna go the way of the dodo soon.

6. do you enjoy being spanked, giving spankings, or both? no, only if i've been a naughty boy and deserve it. *my hand is currently in the cookie jar* Madonna is my idol and she talks about the great sensations spankings can provide, so i just follow her lead when it comes to the hitting portion. Gaga who?

7. do you have a safeword? have you ever used it? i have a safeword but i've never used it, so does the safeword really exist if i've never uttered it? words need to be uttered to be alive in the ether. for that matter, do I really exist? did you utter the phrase the late phoenix as you were getting ready this morning?

bonus: tell us in 3-4 sentences the most painful or pleasurable sexual experience you've ever had: all pleasure, no pain, remember? it was just last week, actually, with my blogger friend, after fucking our brains out for what seemed like five hours (it was really four hours), and having all of our internal juices all over the other person, we laughed at the vagaries of the world and began to philosophize on the nature of the feather, remember that whole bit? we concluded that the feather was more alive than us humans because it could fly. she countered with the airplane argument, i countered her with the Superman argument, we laughed some more...then everything suddenly got painfully boring.






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U LIKE ICE CREAM?

NOT ANYMORE...CLICK HERE AT THIS LINK





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TNH: DICTIONARY

*CLICKY CLICKY*



first, click on my tender heart for 2 of 4



THEN, CLICK HERE AT THIS LINK





with this dictionary
i am able to use the loud words, the big words, the multisyllabic words
in order to present to the world in song and poetry
the feelings you elicit in me
as you expertly lick my ballsac...





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TMIT: I REGRET...CREATING THIS BLOG

PIC 14, THE LAST PIC FROM ATOP, THE ONE RIGHT UP ABOVE THERE: that was my last chance to make a move on the cute redhead in my drama class last year, but for fuck sake i was dressed as a mongrel, now THAT'S regret, folks, i coulda been a contender if i were dressed as a unicorn.




when in the course of human events one finds himself stuck in a rut that he can't get out of, it 100% has to do with sex. for the male of the species, this feeling of doom consists of the failed pursuit of sex and the remedies he thinks of which will cure his insatiable need for fucking and cum with the babes 24/7. for the late phoenix of the species, this horrible feeling is further glued with tons and mounds of regret, regret for not making THE MOVE which would have negated the purpose and existence of this blog:




1. do you regret how you lost your virginity? whom would you have rather lost your cherry to? i'm saving myself for fellow virgin LOLO JONES, PIC 1 FROM ATOP

2. do you have one of those "yeah, i'm never gonna tell anyone what i just did forever ever throughout the rest of my life" incidents that you keep firmly in your back pocket? okay, well, i've never told anyone this before now, not even my God knows this about me, but i turned off the tv during the Olympics Closing Ceremony when that Phoenix came on, i couldn't take the shame of it, i was being upstaged, me, the greatest phoenix-based blogger of all time, by some bird structure that was being seen by trillions of people around the world all at once. the shame and regret nearly broke me...

3. do you regret having acted on a sexual impulse? yes, with a fellow blogger whom i had been friends with for years. we went out for awhile, we smiled at each other, we talked about the weather, then we fucked like rabbits on top of, y'know, one of those large trash bins which holds the week's trash for the garbage men to take on Tuesdays. well, of course we're dealing with bloggers here, so when her next post on her blog the next morning was entitled TRASH: PHOENIX SEX IN A NUTSHELL...we decided to just be friends again.

4. do you regret not having sex with someone? ummm, yes, well, everyone who knows me from way way back, like from three years ago, over the course of this blog and many deleted blogs previous remembers my story well on that subject, about me and the blonde drama student, the breaking of hearts, the sex that never was, i'm depressed enough as it is this morning so i'm not gonna rehash all that over again, i believe that entire story is in a long post somewhere here at this blog, you'll have to search for it, but you'll find it eventually if you search hard enough. oh, what could have been...*salty tears*

5. did you ever not ask someone out that you liked out of fear of rejection only to learn later that that person liked you and you missed a prime fucking opportunity? i live my entire life out of FEAR, all of my major life decisions are based on this emotive directive. i should live my life out of LOVE, that's what my self-help guru overcharges me to teach me. i'm getting better...no, i'm not...i hate my self-help guru...will you teach me about life?

6. do you regret having done a particular sex act? i once did anal on a girl without lubrication. we were out of the bottled stuff and the spit from my mouth just wasn't charging that day. she said she still liked it, liked that dry anal twist, but i'm still not sure, i think she was just trying to be polite. i'm so sorry, Sue, the monthly check's in the mail...

bonus: do you regret having told someone you love them? i tell a woman i love her the very second she shows the slightest interest in me, any random stranger woman on the street, if you laugh at one of my jokes, i love you. i'm currently single for some reason, have been single for some time...






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