TMIT: LET'S GO TO BED

1. a friend is coming over to have sex, there are 3 twin beds and an air mattress in the room. what do you do?
a) who needs a bed? land and fuck wherever
b) have sex on the single twin mattress
c) sex on the air mattress
d) or? your solution?

i'm ALWAYS the OR/OTHER/PATH LEAST TAKEN/ALTERNATIVE guy, i say a no-mattress orgy on the dirty kitchen floor, first to cum cleans up the floor. but actually, the mere fact that i HAVE friends and am HAVING sex in this scenario has blinded me immovable, i can't really think after that, nor make multiple-choice decisions...

2. what is the oddest thing in your bedroom? why is it there? a door. why? i know, right? i mean, it's not like i do something under the sheets in my bedroom chronically three times a day that i would be embarrassed about someone looking through the open door and seeing. yes, yes, okay, well, my door is in fact double-locked with a key only i have and have eaten, i swallowed the key so no one can get to it, triple-combination lock, only i know the combination: the combination code is my maid/lover's name

3. what are your favorite sheets?
a) flannel
b) cotton
c) t-shirt cotton (jersey)
d) satin

i like to take a SHEET whenever the urge presents itself...what, too soon?

4. do you sleep with sheets tucked in or out? why? i tried to sleep once in a tucked-in cocoon, became a butterfly...so never got the chance to sleep tucked-out...on account that i'm now a butterfly...i fly around, don't need no stinkin' human bed

5. what is your usual bedtime and why?
a) 8-10PM
b) 10-12 midnight
c) 12-24
d) whenever my eyes close

i like to wait after midnight, then i get myself a snack, someone told me once that you shouldn't eat after midnight...something about Gremlins

6. do you sleep with bedroom or closet doors shut or open? reasons? see above, the Gremlins attacked, so i like to keep things open so i can see. the times when I MYSELF become a Gremlin, it's a moot point, so i can close doors, it doesn't matter anymore after that, for i become the monster that i'm afraid of

7. have you broken a bed or other furniture during sex? of course, i only engage in rough sex, there is no nice in me, i take all of my love-making cues from one R PATTZ in the Twilight Saga, you know when he fucks the shit out of Bella in that one scene and he breaks the bed in the process, all in the name of producing beautiful half-breeds...it's more a science thing than a sex pleasure thing

8. what's your favorite type of bed for sex? i rarely use a bed, i'm content with the dirt ground, but...well, if i'm a cool dude, i say WATERBED, if i'm a freak, i say LOVE SWING, if i'm a cool freak...ah, to be a cool freak...

9. what do you sleep in?
a) lingerie
b) underwear
c) day clothes
d) t-shirt
e) nothing

i so want to say lingerie, but that wouldn't be truthful, and comedy is all about truth. honestly, it's my day clothes, i'm a grungey artist through and through, what can i say?











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