NULL AND NOID

learned:

* i know, i know, i don't have time to watch Stranger Things, stop rubbing it in.

* Ferris Bueller + Ace Ventura = ?

* ass 10, face 10, but pizza is just like sex, remember that saying we all learn?

* girl: his ass is like a 5.

* Ferris: i'm good at jumping and breaking the law. i'm the perfect Olympic athlete.

* Ferris: what are you cooking, mister?
man: McDonald's steaks.
Ferris: yeah right.

* son, you just drank lighter fluid!

* Ferris: it's a stylish red jeep, but it ain't no motherfucking DXP oven car.

* Ferris: hello ladies. which one, which one? the red pill or the blue pill?...........you're both on the pill, right?

* i know i'm supposed to know this dad but all movie dads look the same.

* aren't all backyard trampolines banned?

* '80s story time: it only came into play for me once, when i was a fragile 8-year-old boy. my parents were away with my teacher or something and i ordered myself on the big-boy phone. my parents gave me enough bills this time, i didn't have to roll any coins. the dude was like 2 minutes late coming over the bay bridge to my house in Van Nuys. it took 32 minutes total. it was raining. i gave him the puppy-dog eyes trying to get it for free but he wasn't having any of it. he was in a mood. girlfriend broke up with him or something, i had no idea what a girlfriend was. he just stood there on my porch shaking his head and twirling that insulated sleeve box they use to keep the pizza warm, which incidentally is made of the same material they use to pad insane-asylum rooms. i paid for the pizza.

* CLICK HERE FOR FREE DESSERT

* CONTINUITY ERROR!!! ED GRIMLEY WOULD NEVER TAKE A SHOWER, CLICK HERE

* be honest. against your better judgment and your better logic, despite decades of physical and psychological proof, you crave Domino's Pizza again. you know better, but you can't help it. you want Domino's for dinner. tonight. you haven't had a Domino's since they served it in those boxes where the domino took up the entire cover of the box. damn these ads, man.

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

happy weekend. remember, life itself is one big April Fools' joke.