SSS: THE PERFECTIONIST FALLS IN LOVE

*CLICKY CLICKY*

click above to end it and to find out...it's a crooked Triforce of course...if you remember just one thing about me, remember my deep love of the Zelda universe.

this is a topography tribute to a post by my beautiful friend Cheeky Minx, THIS ONE, CLICK HERE AT THIS LINK. now that you're at Cheeky's blog, explore every single post, you won't be disappointed. she is wonderful hot talented sexy creative sexy gorgeous artistic with that camera curls like no other master of black-and-white sexy and did i mention drop-dead gorgeous sexy.





i have a dream

just the two of us

we made it because we tried

we glide through the world while others struggle

we fly across the mud

we know a secret only the two of us found out

we share it between us daily with our smiles at each other

watching the upcoming Ender's Game film wouldn't have been as sweet

without you by my side, holding hands

all sugary

drinks and popcorn

i can share my love of sci-fi and geeky things with you

and afterwards, we can fuck like porn stars

there is a word for a scene so glorious

a perfect word for the perfect vignette...

a perfect moment against the backdrop of a permanently imperfect world

i shoulda never been a perfectionist

but rather a projectionist

to film this most *something* instant of you and i

together against the imperfect world

that will never understand us

never get our movies and our nerd stuff

never buy into our perfect love

because it exists solely as a crack in the facade

our four hands hold up the facade

this is a fairytale, we glide upon pixie dust

except it is not a fairytale, this is real,

i'm holding your hand long ago when there was a movie theater here

i held your hand and felt the warmth of it,

and someone, someone out there was filming it all

and the facade we held up was his divine screen

so we could look back at it years later

and see that we mattered

because he had captured the moment on film

it lived forever

though we didn't live forever

that was such a beautiful day

it was CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK.




a video-game commercial (what else?) led me to use this song. this was in my plans before...R.I.P. to The Master...






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TMIT: inb4 HAPPY HALLOWEEN! IT'S RAINING!

OBSERVATION #1: glancing at my youtube videos, i've noticed something about me that's very troubling that i never noticed before. my head is weird. it's a perfect oval shape. i look like one of those Easter Island heads. my head is the shape of a very large pill. Legends of the Hidden Temple on line one...

OBSERVATION #2: there was something wrong down there all weekend, i couldn't get comfortable down there. then it hit me: i must be wearing my boxer shorts backwards. so i took my monthly shower this morning to check: nope, they were on correctly, with the tag in the back. so...then...now i'm really worried.

OBSERVATION #3: IT'S RAINING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. how can you tell when your lover is close to orgasm? when she makes that face...she makes when she's laughing at my jokes...and my big head.

2. men: have you actually seen the G Spot? no, the G Spot is a myth, right? like God. hey: G Spot, God Spot...i think i'm onto something...

3. which is the most stimulating position? missionary/ woman on top, facing man/ doggy style/ other: it's this new position i invented called the parallel anal.

4. when you orgasm, are you: silent as a church mouse/ a bit of noise/ yell out at the top of your lungs? i express the noise of gratitude that this happened to me: it's akin to the sound of a church-house creeper...too many Bad Grandpa commercials swimming around in my oval head.

5. a lover orgasms WAY too prematurely. you still haven't gotten off. what to do? stop, or continue the play until you cum? i'm usually not on the other side of this. it's okay, we can stop, i'll do whatever my beautiful lover wants. i still have a hand i can go to later after lunch.

bonus: on average, when you masturbate, how long does it take you to reach orgasm? less than 3 minutes/ 3-5 minutes/ 5-10 minutes/ a year: i can't masturbate, my religion forbids it. that being said: half a second.

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UNSTRONG

it's like it knows. my jaw started really hurting the day before i was to have my first dentist appointment in a looong time, first major one since the root canal. i had to cancel, money is scarce. money is actually nonexistent. also, i think the weather has something to do with all this. when it starts getting cold, the nerve fibers and secret holes that line the right side of my jaw where the canal was rooted all start to act up, pin up, and announce their pain. it fucking hurts. remembering back, yeah, i finally had that first oral surgery i keep yammering on about during Christmastime, it was during the cold. i hate the cold now. no, that's not true, the cold is still a temporary nuisance. i'd still rather be frozen alive than burned alive. i still hate the sun like any South Park Goth Kid worth his salt should.

anyway, speaking of the cold and the Fortress of Solitude,

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK,

and in the comments, talk about how Superman has impacted your life.

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SSS: BUH, DOWN

*CLICKY CLICKY*

click above to finish the topography, but what is the treasure in the middle at the top of the cliff? tune in next week. shameless plug

GUYS NOT FEELING WELL AT ALL REALLY CONFUSED ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS EVERYTHING NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO MY FUTURE DON'T KNOW WHERE TO LAY MY HEAD JUST SAW A BOTTLE OF PINK MILK LYING INNOCENTLY ON THE COUNTERTOP THAT BRINGS MEMORIES OF STUFF I WANT TO DO THE RIGHT COLUMN OF MY JAW HURTS LIKE FUCK IT HURTS TO EAT CHOCOLATE ON THAT SIDE IT HURTS TO CHEW AND BREATHE AND SPIT IT HURTS TO LINE THAT SIDE OF MY MOUTH WITH WHITE MILK MOMMY IT'LL HURT IF I SWALLOW LOOKS LIKE IT'S MORE DENTIST FOR ME THOUGH I CAN'T AFFORD ONE TOOTH MORE HOT DENTAL ASSISTANTS IN MY MOUTH BUT A DREAM NO MONEY NEVER HAD ANY MONEY CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT MONEY I AM ANTI-MONEY BECAUSE I TAKE AN ARTIST'S STANCE AGAINST WORKING BECAUSE I'M TOO LAZY WON'T GET FAMOUS WORKING AS A SANDWICH ARTIST BUT ART IS ART I CAN'T THINK WORSE I'VE THOUGHT EVERY THOUGHT ALREADY NOTHING MORE TO DO THINK SAY SPEAK MEAN THE WHITE BAND ACROSS MY COMPUTER SCREEN IS GETTING WIDER SOON IT WILL BREAK NO MORE COMPUTER THAT'S A GOOD THING I WILL FINALLY BE FREE OF THIS ALBATROSS I CAN NOW LIVE LIFE THE WAY LIFE SHOULD BE LIVED FREE FREE FREE FREE COBAIN SAID PUNK ROCK IS FREEDOM I CONCUR BUT I'D JUST LIKE TO ADD INDUSTRIAL INTO THERE MY SMALL CONTRIBUTION I WISH I COULD SING RATHER THAN BE ANOTHER POINTLESS FAN CREATE THE ART NOT JUST COMMENT ON THE ART BUT THE LORD GOD WHO DOESN'T EXIST THAT I PRAY TO DIDN'T GRANT ME A SINGING VOICE I'M JUST SCREWED I MUST WALLOW IN THAT FACT THAT I AM NOT TALENTED FOREVER THAT IS MY HELL WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE HELL? I WAS BORN IS THERE LIFE AFTER HELL THIS LIFE IS HELL YOU'RE TELLING ME THERE'S MORE HELL AFTER YOU DIE? HOW MUCH MORE CAN A MAN TAKE? ONLY THE LORD WHOM I BELIEVE IN KNOWS THAT HE WON'T GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE IN A DAY I CAN HANDLE EXACTLY ZERO MORE PROBLEMS IN MY LIFE GOING FORWARD MY ACHES LIMB MY BONES FEEL BROKEN AFTER A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP OF 8 HOURS THE MORE SLEEP THE MORE I DON'T HAVE TO FACE THE DAY WITH ORANGE JUICE NOT FEELING IT NOT FEELING YOU NOT FEELING THIS BLOG THIS COMPUTER LIFE ANYMORE NEVER DID IT WAS JUST SOMETHING TO DO TO KILL TIME WHAT IS MY ARTISTIC DESTINY? BLOGGING IS THE POOR MAN'S STAR WARS GO OUT AND CREATE YOUR OWN STAR WARS ONLY FAME MATTERS EVERYONE IS THE LITTLE PEOPLE YOU EAT FOOD YOU DRINK DRINKS YOU RELATE BUT YOU DON'T MATTER IN THE END YOU MUST BE REMEMBERED TO MATTER NO MORE ORIGINAL IDEAS AND THEN I LEARN ABOUT A NEW A PERFECT CIRCLE SONG, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK , AND ALL IS WELL

WAKE UP, WHAT JUST HAPPENED? FULL PERFECT CIRCLE WHAT WAS THAT THERE? I FEEL SAME AS ALWAYS, NOT FEELING IT...







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TMIT: SOMETHING SMELLS...ME

1. so it appears i'm at a shotgun wedding. no, i mean, my lover has made a demand on me and my fragile psyche. i'm to lose 10-15 pounds or the wedding is off! should i accept this proposal? no, i'm an internet person but i still have my dignity. oh, who am i kidding? of course i will, i have to, nobody else will ever love me, i have to snatch up the first one who does. i don't even love me anymore. my parents forgot my name one time at a call.

wait, hold up, i'm already skinny as a rail, you guys know that. what's going on here?

is anybody out there?

help!

2. do you do Halloween? costume choice this year? yep. same as always: Santa.

adult swim bumps taught me that Halloween is just Samhain but with slutty costumes and dangerously unwrapped candy. i confirmed this with my priest, who was only too happy to talk with me on the phone for a good hour about it. he also forgot my name by the end of the call. i learn about the world solely through adult swim because i'm a shut-in. don't cry for me. i'm a quarter Argentinian. that's not true, but it sounds like something that could be true, y'know? actually, cry for me, please, i lead a very lonely life. i don't want your sympathy, but i do want your coffee, especially if it's a pumpkin spice latte.

3. you're a blogger, but forget that...thank you, oh thank you SO MUCH! can i have a real life now? oh, sorry, weren't done...in real life are you:

a) an over-sharer who spills the beans...huh? huh? *smiles*...about every single detail of your life to everyone but especially to the Starbucks barista daily?

b) one of those whose sex life is off-limits to those not friends and family?

c) tight as a clam...and you're an extremely private person as well.

well, c) is my best joke, but is the Starbucks barista cute? is she cute? little bit? no? i don't mind. i'm not like that. i just want someone to talk to, i've been banned from all bars, and my therapist is too expensive. she's coming over here! what do i do? what do i say? what does she want from me? she wants to take my order? what does that mean? do we have to get married now? shotgun wedding? PSL? like, what does that stand for? Pussy something? i don't want to be too forward, but...Pussy Sex Love?

i'm now banned from all Starbuckseseseses.

4. men, your significant other has asked to sleep with your cock in her mouth. what do you do? pretty good start for a first draft, but it stills needs the pizza guy and the fluffer who is the pizza guy's secret brother and the real heir to the estate...

nobody else on set wants to play the boyfriend with his cock in the girlfriend's mouth? okay, i guess i'll do it, i'm the auteur writer/director/producer of this piece, might as well be the star as well. everyone must make sacrifices to complete the project, everyone must chip in, porn is art, people, here we go, on 3...1,2,3...and action!

bonus: if you were remembered for one thing, what would it be? i just want to be remembered at all, that is the key to "eternal life". i read Dostoevsky in between takes...of my porn...


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AMY > SIRI

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK


go ahead, leave them in the comments...





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SSS: CUT

*CLICKY CLICKY*

click above to begin the topography map, 2 of 4



time to get serious now
time to reflect
back to a time when art replaced religion
and food

guitar licks were heavy
they cut to the bone
they prevented you from cutting
because they were sounding out your pain

or you'd be cut down

the closest you've ever been to going to church
a modern church of muddy lyrics and fury
lyrics which appropriated the staid sermon
and transformed it into '90s cool

the succession of the music line
and the success, though unwanted,
guaranteed a clean jump from the Beatles to then
the present was secure

it was all cut down

our future is not

secure


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TMIT: I'M LATE, I'M LATE, FOR MY VERY IMPORTANT CHEEKY DATE

1. could you date someone who's so into Legos that his whole life is Legos, he lives in a Lego house with Lego furniture and photos of massive Lego sculptures and creations and 3-D art adorn the walls and the staircase, his wallet photos are all Lego men and when he dies, he wants to donate his brain to Lego science for the good of Legokind...to be brought back after freezing into a living, breathing Lego Man? see above. obviously, no. Playmobil is where it's at.

2. you are out of undies on your big date. next move? re-wear dirty/ swimsuit bottoms and tops/ line worn undies with fresh panty-liners/ commando: i don't know what any of this stuff is. i like eating dates, though...

3. in order to date the person of your dreams, you must be on a reality show with them? do you? the person of my dreams is a reality star? really?...really?...fuck yes! it's my big break! i'm gonna be the next Keanu. no more lame youtube channel, doin' some real tv now. and by real i mean REAL.

4. okay, big bomb at the next date between you two: turns out, she's a crime-fighting superhero. oh what to do? do you sizzle things up or let things cool? we can continue on one condition: i get to wear the tight spandex black-leather cat suit at our next session. Catwoman was good at the end of the day...

5. you are in the mood to impress at this next date, but your outer and inner clothes (shirt/skirt/shirt skirt/ skirt shirt/bra/pants) split. do YOU split? what do you do? hide with jacket or sweater/ secret safety pins/ 'fess up and let it all hang out/ immediately split: go out for banana splits

bonus: you go away for the weekend with your new boo (do people even use "boo" anymore?). a ton of outdoor fun was planned, but the skies opened up and it's raining Noah's Ark-style. the rain is never gonna let up. what do you two do instead? pray, since it's the end of the world, the Second Great Flood...and fuck like rabbits...or rather fuck like blue whales...just picture that...the whales...creating a huge storm in the ocean...yeah...yeah...that's livin' right there...that's fucking nature right there.

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SSS: SHAMPOO, CONDITIONER, RAVE, REPEAT

*CLICKY CLICKY*

click above to wash out the last series and begin this new one so fresh and so clean. my front is your naked palette.




my brilliant, gorgeous, and lovely friend Juli---mate in British---everyone calls her Jules but for some reason i call her Juli---sent me a link to a cool song she said reminded her of me and my, uh, personality. i couldn't agree more when i heard it, the rambling about cats especially and the times i try to connect disparate thoughts together in my writing and succeed each time.

so, here it is, enjoy:

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK


thanks, babe, you know i'm in love with you, right? and i'm not saying that just to be polite in front of blog company.

CLICK HERE TO VISIT JULI'S BLOG, YOU MUST GO THERE, HER WRITING IS SO GOOD IT MAKES YOU REEVALUATE HOW GOOD YOU THOUGHT YOUR OWN WRITING WAS.

think i should go outside, it's gloomy today, could rain, perfect weather.

am i still alive?

at this moment?

yes i am

i just typed something

that proves it

might not always be the case

but for now, yes




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TMIT: I'VE STOPPED BEING POLITE, I'M STARTING TO GET REAL

the internet's sole purpose is quite clear, huh? it was made for cat pics, that's it. nothing beats cat pics. nothing ascends to the level of importance the way cat pics ascend. once you have cat pics, you are happy, sated, and satisfied, and you question no more. that guy from The Real World on MTV used to be my hero, but i won't mention his name after what happened. hey, i believe i even threw in a Harry Potter cat up there :) all cats are magic, though, not just the black ones.

1. create your perfect job. what do you do? get paid...to write...about tv shows...films...good, obscure indie films that no one sees...art in general...but i don't just comment on the art...i create the art...'cause nobody likes someone who's just a critic and never tries it themselves...also, food, i like to eat...i'd blog about food if i got paid for it...also, what's up with professional poker players?...i mean, that's an actual thing...that's a job, to play poker...what's next?...people who play tennis as a job?

2. what person has changed you for the better? besides the obvious mom and dad, i have to say a certain cool dude i met in college who was just so fucking cool, i mean it was his world, we were just living in it, but instead of being an asshole with all this power, he was cool, self-deprecating, and funny. did i mention he was cool? we used to ride the BART together where he would instantly make friends with all the other stranger passengers with his flipping, magic tricks, and topical humor. he couldn't sit still, he had to roam back and forth along the subway-car hallway until the trip was over. he would work at some unknown corporation building on the 18th floor. he off-handed to me once, "3PM isn't closing time, it's when i get out of jail." after my incident, he was the only one who cared enough to meet me in person at 7-Eleven and tell me everything was cool, don't stress out too much about life, always joke at any and every situation you are in, life sucks, so laugh about it, don't fret about it. unlike my therapist and tv ads, he didn't bullshit me with "it'll get better"---he was a realist---but his armor was the funny, and i've come to adopt his philosophy over the years. i miss him. i ride the BART alone sometimes when i'm up there in memory of him, trying to put on my smiley emoticon, not my sadface. wonder where he is now...

3. cat person or dog person? see above. if there's one thing that's true about me, and there is only one thing that is true about me, it's that i love cats...i'm a straight man who loves his kitties...well, y'know what i mean...yeah, i know it works with both meanings...

4. who is your favorite relative? why? i don't talk much to my relatives anymore, not after the betrayal. was it too much to ask to get the diet soda? i mean, anyway...whatever...water under the bridge...i'm not sure where i come from, actually. the data says the Netherlands and El Salvador, but i just feel that there's a bit of The Moon in me.

5. mop the floor or iron clothes? "I'm gonna mop the floor with ya!," said the man in the iron clothes.

sorry, bit of multitasking here...got an audition at noon.

6. which would you rather have, a swimming pool or a gardener? why? i don't need a gardener, i like having my weeds pile up and grow high so my fort is left secluded and hidden, love the peace and quiet. but then it gets too quiet, too quiet in my head and my thoughts start to wander and race...pool party! pool party! pool party! i need a distraction! pool party!

bonus: are you better at giving or receiving oral sex? i don't want to be that guy, but...what exactly is oral? is that the thing with the toothbrush?

and just to be perfectly clear...what is sex?

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X-OUT FILES, EPISODE 1: OKAY, NO, I REALLY DO HATE MEMES AFTER ALL

please, everyone out there in the internet and on the internets, the ones who run the show and the ones who type all day, please, i beg you, no more of this:

THE FEELS

or any variant: OH, THE FEELS/ THE FEELS IN ME ARE COMING/ THIS SHOW GIVES ME THE FEELS

done, it's done, it's been completely eviscerated of any sort of meaning, value, or even as a joke or a sign of intelligence, regular intelligence or internet intelligence, intelligence of pop-culture memes. this is what i was saying before, about how the internet is systematically rooting out any genuine emotion until everything typed online---every thought, feeling, expression, lecture, discussion---becomes ironic and not worth the time and effort to respond...or even type in the first place.

somewhere on Earth there must be a place where good folk still cry salty tears and really are sad, really feel their human component of empathizing with a sad situation, relating to their fellow man's problems, actually caring for one another with sympathy, heartache, and sorrow, the three things which bind every human soul together into the overall universal knowing and attitude that this life just plain sucks.

that's where i want to go, not

THE FEELS

no more

THE FEELS



thank you.


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SSS: FOUND GROUND

*CLICKY CLICKY*

click above to complete the journey and start on the second one.

that's one small step for Phoenix...one giant leap backwards for mankind.



i'm tired

of living

this way

it's cliche to say

but all cliches are boring

and predictable

like humans

when they get scared

save you

i want to save you

no, you save me

by being you

without you

i am nothing

cliche

but true

all of my journeys

don't matter

if there's not someone near the pot of gold at the end

rainbows fade

internet celebrity fades

the next facebook is around the corner

without the next typed word, i don't exist

unless you declare that you love me

then i can breathe again

for the first time

and we can don our spacesuits and travel

this life doesn't matter,

it's the second journey that counts

but like this life, loneliness is still loneliness

i won't care about the second journey without you

even if it's the second one that really counts

cruising amongst the stars is fun

only if my star is my Whovian companion

the star of my life: you

you are the star that forms my I

i see that with my eyes

all my knowledge is inert

if it can't bounce off your heavenly body

together we form a new heavenly body in the sky

your heavenly body and my observation of you

it's the observation which forms the rock of the new planet

and forever we shall be known

not facebook-famous

but known to each other

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK: LET US AWAY TO SPACE AND BEYOND.




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