INDABUT

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Seal, my man, my main man, it's not too late...is all i'm sayin'...

TNH: ACROSS THE SEA

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this last winter series will be brought to you comprised of pics from Lars von Trier's gloriously ineffable film Melancholia. click above for #1 of 5.

CLICK HERE AT THIS LINK TO START THE END OF THE WORLD AND THE END OF MY TEETH

again the winter comes to hit me/in my teeth/VANQUISH running out, right side of my face burns with tooth pain/i've aged this year, i'm not doing well/the rain pelting against my computer window like an unwelcome visitor reminding me i am mortal, frail, human, i make mistakes/but i still can think and dream and imagine in this old body/my body filled with the melancholia of von Trier beauty and schoolyard-bully ugly/i reach for my manhood but can clutch only my boyish bulge/ but i still think constantly of my lover across the sea/my potential soul mate i talk to with a blog/so fragile are the types, yet so infused with everything are the words typed/as if an electronic signal can interrupt the normal flow of fate/does she see me? is she too scared to make a move?/perhaps it is i that is confusing a speck of hope with lurid destiny, a destiny writ long ago in the spaces of a schoolyard bully/one which is laughed at and swept away in the pelting rain/across the sea lives my blogging friend, she is the one, the one finally, i can sense it as i sense the rain hitting my face/ what is the next action to take? the one which will clear up gray skies/this isn't a usual end of the year, this year is special, this year was foretold, there is not much more time left, time seems to hurry up like a jackrabbit when you least want it to, it is truly time to act and not to think, think about the End without you...

CLICK HERE FOR THE NAUGHTY HANGOUT

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TMIT: I FORGOT TO BLOG

1. have you ever had sex with someone famous, or one who eventually became famous, if only locally? i've worked all my life with those who are locally famous, there are never those who are more determined and dangerous than local celebrities, the news anchors or the big-fish-in-a-small-pond bitch actresses or that guy who saved the town, i mean, i coulda done that, i coulda jumped that building with my Super Mario video-game jumping skills like that guy did. yes, i'm jealous, the actress turned me down, she had me get her her Mio instead, her pomegranate Mio. it's the local ones you have to watch out for, they've made it, but they want more, they want more rungs on the ladder, they are setting their sights on Hollywood and will trample anyone who gets in their way...i want to be a local celebrity so bad! seriously, i'm, like, right now just one rung below being the local hero, one rung. will i make it? stay tuned, i'm still writing...about jealousy.

2. in the sexy spirit of Six Degrees of Separation, did you have sex with someone who had sex with someone who...Papa Smurf? eventually with someone famous? oh, you want to know about the spreading of my seed. always use protection, folks, or the sexy becomes sewagey. other than Papa, who's a notorious pimp, no. wish i had, though, it would be my big in into the business, show business, i could TMZ my way into a producer's office, that's kinda like the more noble way of doing it, it's one rung above the casting couch. i'm related to Tom Hanks by sex activity!

3. in the opposite direction, did you have sex with someone whose name you didn't know? no, i don't have time for that, i feel my time on this Earth is short, like i have two more years tops, thus i can only fuck famous people, what's the point otherwise?

4. someone whose name you knew but then have forgotten? that's the worst, huh, that's just plain embarrassing, i mean that really makes you look like a cad, like she was just another rung on the ladder or something...*my eyes are coyly darting back and forth right now. i have a shit-eating grin on my face and on my Movember stache, it's really something to behold*

5. someone who you suspect may have forgotten you? everyone, everyone on blogspot. seriously, where the hell is everyone? everybody decided to pick Thanksgiving to delete their blogs. i'm lonely. should i blog on? dunno, does a tree make a sound in the forest? yes it does, it makes the sound of breathing in our human waste. wait, i wanted that to sound majestic and awe-inspiring and philosophical, i messed that up. followers, lurkers, I NEED YOU. nothing? fuck my life.

bonus: someone you wish you could forget? the gal from the Twinkies company whom i fell in love with, she texted me a few days ago after two years of post-breakup radio silence to inform me that I, me, your late phoenix, was the reason there would be no more Twinkies, something about my horrid love-making method and my bad cum as filling...

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DINGLE DANGLE

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK: I AM TERRIFIED TO FRY TURKEY, BUT THIS MAN INSPIRES ME SO

CLICK HERE AT THIS LINK FOR THE R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-EMIX

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TNH: THE SILVER LINE

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click on The Master above to eat this series whole like so much turducken

what, you thought i was gonna post a pic of Nate Silver? the election is over, finally over, it's time for the country to cum together and all that jazz. as you sit down for the Eating tomorrow, reminisce over Thanksgivings past. when i do, i think about The Twilight Zone marathons. it's true, kids too young to remember, the Twilight Zone Marathon would delightfully invade our tv screens during Thanksgiving, not Halloween like it does now shabbily on SyFy Channel. true, it does make more sense that the surreal and intelligent black and white best sci-fi serial thought-provoking show which made us scream and think is more aligned with the screaming of Halloween ghosts and not cranberry sauce, but it was tradition when i was younger, and you never buck tradiiton, at least not until you're a teenager. plus, the fact that TZ never fit in with Turkey Day was a perfect Twilight Zone episode in itself, it was strange and alluring, it didn't make sense and yet it happened every year and nobody seemed to question it, it was simply the fog of war, simply the Zone working its magic. Rod Serling is my father and of this i am finally not ashamed...oh, the stories Dad could have told me in his den with his smoking jacket on, pipe in mouth blowing away, that smoke which would eventually kill him, but before, a few tidbits and secret tales about producing television, creating quality television in those days, the good ol' days, trailblazing for science-fiction storytelling forever more, for every generation which came after, and not ending with a Moral Orel-style God talk and belt spanking and dropping of drawers and revealing of Dad's underwear, rather ending with science and boundless imagination...and cranberry sauce.

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK, TO MINE THE SILVER

THEN, please answer the following questions:

1. gold or silver?

2. what do you do to feel no pain?

3. what special item do you keep in a box underneath your bed?

4. would you dress up in a pilgrim outfit and hat if that's what your lover wanted?

5. Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are completely and utterly played-out, these are three holidays which are old as dirt, boring, and just aren't getting it done anymore. come up with three new holidays which will replace the old three this time of year and describe what each holiday is all about.

HAPPY SAD THANKSGIVING GOBBLE GOBBLE FUCKING RELATIVES LARGE-ASS WOODEN OUTSIDE CROWDED TABLE NOT ENOUGH STUFFING YEARS OF ABUSE AND PENT-UP FRUSTRATION COMING OUT WITH A FEW SIPS OF WINE CAN'T CHOOSE YOUR FAMILY WHO LOST THE FUCKING REMOTE? RAN OUT OF THE SICK LUMPY MASHED POTATOES ORDER A PIZZA IS THIS ALL THAT THERE IS TO LIFE? SAD HAPPY THANKSGIVING, MY BABIES!!!

CLICK HERE FOR THE NAUGHTY HANGOUT

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TMIT: SLEEP IS GOOD

so cold, it's so cold, i'm so fucking cold...oh, *closes window*

y'know, folks, sleep really does work wonders on the body. this last Sunday Morning (Maroon 5), i wasn't as agitated and knee-jerk reactionary when my carefully-crafted youtube comment wasn't responded to by my youtube "friend". it was a double whammy, it hurt twice, because i regarded that comment to be one of my most brilliant. i'm used to being ignored and never acknowledged on youtube, but not with that comment, come on, i worked hard on that one, i dropped sweat thinking that one up. i had had a nice long good-night's-rest the night before, so my cells were calm, my mind was unusually clear and strong and not swayed by my usual flights of emotive fancy, it was quite remarkable. sleep: who needs pills?

1. when was the last time you or a loved one had their prostate checked? loved one, *starts to cry*, don't have one of those :(

2. besides a medical professional, how many other people have had their finger up your ass? the world...it's someone else's world, not mine, and everyone, including me, is living in it. like it's Lebron's or Federer's or Corgan's world. also, yeah, i could have gone with the answer "opinions" here, as in "opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one." that's especially true now with the dawn of this whole internet thing where everyone has a blog and spouts off the type 24/7.

3. have you ever given or received a prostate massage? was it pleasurable? did you cum? i always cum, but for different reasons. yesterday, it was 'cause of the sun, the warm rays of the sun affects my body so. this morning, it was 'cause of the sun, but 'cause of the majestic beauty of the sun, my poet's sensibilities cummed. prostate massage, huh? man, i am so out of the loop, i guess i live under a rock, i actually live below Rock, the white rock, 30 Rock...man, i need to read a book...

4. do you enjoy anal play: rimming, fingering, penetration? ummmmmmmm...fingering as in knitting a holiday-themed glove for Crimbus? that's slang, right? "fingering" is producing the "fingers" of a glove, huh?

5. ever had anal sex? i tried once at a street corner, the guy thought i was asking about the Annals of Rome, we had quite the conversation about mathematics, homosexuality, and the lost art of letter-writing. i'm not gay, but i was happy after that.

6. you're about to swim down the ol' chocolate hole---or have anal sex, which is the medical term---do you choose a finger up the arse, prostate stimulator/massager, or penis, either real or strap-on? all of them, and none of them. gotta go with PENIS, that is such a perfect word, it speaks to all of our collective human fears, dreams, and wants with just the one word, it's the perfect one-word response to ANY video on youtube, ANY video, i see it all the time in the comments section, it's the response which always gets the most thumbs-ups: PENIS

bonus: show us your Movember stache? post a photo of you. i can't do that!!! i'd blow my cover!!! but i can assure you, i am wearing a nice burly Movember stache presently...

CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY

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LET ME JUST PULL OUT MY WEATHER VANE...

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK, FOR A MOST INFORMATIVE SANDY REPORT

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TNH: THE WARMTH LINE

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click above to read my palm for #3 of 4. adult swim recently ended the run of the brilliant anime Casshern Sins, check it out. i give it the late phoenix stamp of approval so you're not wasting your time with this one, i won't give away the long process of going through each episode finding your way out of the maze of surreal walls and life lessons along this apocalyptic, robotic, philosophic journey, but i guarantee you will feel fulfilled afterwards, you'll cry your heart out and read more books on robotics, philosophy...and The Apocalypse.

AFTER CLICKING THE PIC OF CASSHERN, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

THEN, please answer the following questions:

1. what is your ideal, perfect warm place?

2. what images are stirred in your imagination or memory from this Reznor instrumental masterpiece? don't let the actual images from the music video influence you, what are your images?

3. how do you warm up to people? how do strange people warm up to you?

4. fuck you're hot. babes, how do you like it? you like it gentle? you like it when my able fingertips warm up and massage your ass like that?

5. how do you prefer your french fries: piping, burn-the-roof-of-your-mouth hot, or warm?

CLICK HERE FOR THE NAUGHTY HANGOUT

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TMIT: AM I STILL TECHNICALLY ALIVE?

a lot of this prostate cancer/penis pump stuff is going over my head, i'm just here in my blue woolknit beanie trying to keep warm, avoiding the cancer of the psyche, and generally pumping myself up to seize the day. that is a cool skeleton pic, though, huh?

1. have you ever used a penis pump? turn on or off? can't say that i have, i now only have three cents to my name, so i couldn't afford it either way. as for pumps, i tried the three-pound dumbbells, but dumbbell that i am, i only lasted a few seconds, kinda like, well, yeah.

2. are you into the whole Viagra/Cialis thing? how did it work out? 4 hours, right, that's the claim? can't say that i have, but i do very much love the cinematography of those commercials, that eerie blue hue over everything, the matching tubs for husband and wife, that fucking pimp sailboat the dude uses to traverse the oceans to get to his honey, i mean, this is cinematic epic stuff, i'm sure if i ever were on the blue-pill juice, i'd feel Nietzchean Powerful like that, huh? commercials never lie, they stretch within federal limits, but never outright lie.

3. do you or your lover have experience with a penile implant? oh, you're so experienced, that's attractive in a man, that's what i hear all the time walking down the street. hey, i don't, but spread the implant wealth i say, let it be gender-neutral, soon women and men will be comprised of nothing but robotic parts for all of their sexual needs anyway, there will be elimination of the one-second man and the emergence of all women having huge breasts and a full butt, and Ghost In The Shell will commence.

4. lupron depot, loss of libido, diet changes?: okay, i know this is a serious topic, so i'll refrain from my usual shenanigans. speaking of food, though, seriously, i'm serious now, stay the FUCK away from that huge plastic container of Taco Bell XXL steak nachos, i was sick off that shit all weekend, those chips nearly destroyed me, i can't talk about it, can't relive it again or i'll throw up...all those fucking steak strips in the chips with that huge-ass dollop of sour cream and big-ass pound of guac that they smother it with....AHHHHHHHHHH, my tummy is feeling the effects again...shit, oh, no, help me, please, does anyone have a pink pill?

5. have you ever changed your diet for health reasons? not in relation to cancer, but when i was younger, i wanted to get buff as fuck, i'm a skinny stick you see, always have been, still am, so i sauntered on over to my local GNC and loaded up on big canisters of chocolate-milk-flavored muscle powder. the musclehead at the front counter had such kind eyes---and such insanely-unnatural biceps---that i literally couldn't turn him down for fear of getting pummeled right there on the store floor in front of everyone and the bright blinding overhead lights...long story short (too late), the powder didn't work at all on my body, i just pooed it all out like i usually do with every other food and drink i consume, though i still was tempted after all that i went through to try the strawberry flavor of the powder.

6. how would you react to a total lack of cum? i'd cry, but then i'd man up and try to choose a woman who would love me for me and not the gallons of cum i could produce onto all over her oily body. does such a woman exist? stay tuned...early signs and a look at the fortune magic 8-ball are "pointing to NO".

7. have you ever experienced the fabled "whole body orgasm"? no, but it does seem fabled and magical, i want to feel this in my toes and fingertips, i'm down to journey to a faraway land and talk to the monk situated by the hanging cliff to hear his thoughts on the subject. like Finn and Jake, i'll tuck away my long flowing blond hair into my white Finn hat and let's Tantric away.

8. do you think a man treated for prostate cancer deserves a blow job? if yes, please email Virtual Sin, aka SinnerMan: ABSOLUTELY!!! DEFINITELY!!! WITHOUT A DOUBT!!! of course, let us all experience the joys of sex and love and later heartbreak and existential doubt, yes, humans unite! with a name like SinnerMan, i'll ALL IN to the cause, fellow sinners join and boing :)

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COLOR MY WORLD

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE, HERE, AT THIS LINK HERE

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TNH: THE COURAGE LINE

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first, click above on that plant fighting for life in my soiled hands, that plant displaying much courage to, despite all of the demonic forces against it, live, to struggle for that last bit of sunshine and air and seed...for #2 of 4

THEN, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

THEN, please answer the following questions:

1. when in your life did you find the courage to love?

2. do you prefer music songs sung and composed by women or men? think about this, it may be a hidden subconscious thing you haven't explored yet.

3. you stand at the foot of an electrified fence, beyond that fence is the hope of a new day, a new life where you'll finally be free, how do you get by the fence? even cartoony answers will be accepted.

4. fuck, girl, your suck technique definitely does not suck. shit, i'm gonna cum, where do you want me to cum?

5. crowd surfing: exciting or scary?

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TMIT: I PREFER MOOVEMBER...FOR MOOSTACHE

the great cause of Movember, mustaches and such, raising awareness and money for something that as a man i turn my head for and worry about: ball cancer. the election is tomorrow, so i already have vote cancer.

1. ladies, have you ever kissed a man with a mustache? gentlemen, have you ever had a mustache? did you like it? who you callin' gentleman?...i'm a freak. anyway, from now on, as cool a spelling as "mustache" is, i always nailed it at those 3rd grade spelling bees, let's go with MOOSTACHE from now on, keep the brand alive. i have a moostache on right now, all very dignified, maintained, manicured...what i do is i shave off my head every month, including all the facial hair, that's how i "deal" with my hair, i have more important things to think about than hair, like play points...okay, well, sometimes i do rub a little product in there, a little WEN.

2. they say "putting on the beard" is going down on a babe with a full bush down there. do you prefer a bearded, trimmed, or bald pussy? they also say "putting on the ritz" is code for something, like it's either a sex thing or it has to do with Ritz crackers...i prefer the bush to be wild like it would be in the wild, on the high plains, let that curly, scraggly thing breathe and grow and develop into a pet, your pet, the bestest friend you ever had, beard it, love it, soothe it, comb and brush it, pigtail it, pink-bow it, and let my mouth and tongue comb through the hairs and wisps to get to the promised land.

3. what's your preferred style of "tashing on" (snogging): dunno, but i'm definitely using "tashing on" and "snogging" at my next party, way better than "kissing". ahhh, you Brits, i love you guys so much, wish i spoke with a British accent and ate pies made of every food all the time, you guys did the original The Office with the better subtle humor, you do Doctor Who which rivals Star Trek TNG for sci-fi sophistication, and of course the masterful UK version of Skins, which actually went there, unlike Degrassi these days. oh, sidetracked, um, i tash on with passion, grace, want, and real desire, i kiss my babe on the lips full force as if it will be the last kiss we ever share before i go off to war...the war between my multiple personalities.

4. when was the last time you cupped yours or anyone else's testicles? i can tell ya, but i'd have to marry ya. first clue: police station...second clue: insane asylum

5. if you had a mustache, what style would it be and why? i tend to stay away from hipster charts when it comes to my style, there's just too much of a temptation to copy someone else's term, like for instance i never want to wear a Gangnam Style mustache, that's already played out...i want the phoenix mustache, which can only be worn by the late of my species: picture my lips, my kissable full round juicy lips, okay my 'stache is in the shape of a phoenix, all up in my grill and my lips, all up on my juicy lips ready to lick your tits and your cunt and your asshole...whoa, sorry there...can i call ya? this is crazy, i barely know you, but call me maybe?

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