TMIT: SUPER BOWL SALSA

what's your choice of ______ that you'll serve at the party? can't afford a party, no coins and no friends, but i'll play along...

beer, wine, distilled spirit, mixed drink: i don't drink any alcohol ever since The Incident in college. do you want me to tell you all about The Incident? liquor me up first...

chip: doritos, love the artificial nacho cheese powder, makes me feel like i'm snorting cocaine powder, the more artificial, the better

dip: i set up salsa pools, inflatable pools filled with salsa, don't ask me where i get the pools...or the salsa

take out food: come on, you all know me by now: TACO BELL

homemade, sweet, or salty food: i combine all three of these with my homemade m and ms, they're homemade in that i use money found in my home's couch to buy them, they're sweet chocolate, and the salty shell...okay, so i sprinkle a little salt on them before service, so sue me

what will you wear at the party? nothing

my own personal half time show would be: me on stage actually singing, i think i have the skills to compose original music, but for the fuck of me, i can't sing a note, i mean i can bearably sing like a pledge or something if i had to, but i can't scream like trent or growl like kurt or whine like billy. i'd be on stage with my three musical heroes: billy corgan, trent reznor, and the Arch Angel Kurt Cobain flying on his gun-addled wings from above, and we'd just rock out as a quartet, do a song from our upcoming album...can you imagine a song produced from a collaboration of these three giants?! the harmony by itself would kill you, but the piercing lyrics would make sure you were murdered in bliss.

what team do you wish were playing the Big Game? i've always had a soft spot for the ravens, from joe flacco getting constantly pounded for being a fraud but him still honoring himself with the fu-manchu, and also you'd like to see ray lewis and those boys get some sort of hardware for all that work they do, the years and years of stellar defense, one ring just doesn't seem enough. and then that game happens, with the should-have-been-a-touchdown and the missed chip-shot field goal, and you have to ask yourself if the ravens are indeed cursed by their namesake edgar allan poe himself. i mean, they always seem to have a good enough team to make the playoffs, but they just never have quite enough to get over the hump. Edgar Allan Poe is the king of misery, so his curses run very very deep

whom do you want to win? if the patriots had caught a pretty easy interception the last time these two teams clashed in the Super Bowl, you'd be looking at a perfect undefeated season for the pats, FINALLY shutting up the ol' dolphins team, and people speaking in terms of that pats team being the greatest team ever, in any sport, of all time. a miracle catch on the tip of a helmet prevented that. honestly, i wouldn't mind if the pats won, to get some measure of revenge, they've been beaten down from their arrogant post sufficiently enough by now, but if the giants win, i suppose i'd be happy, too. i'm still recovering from nadal/djokovic, so let me catch my breath and i'll get back to you with my betting line, i mean, my pick

bonus: super bowl of sex prop bet: sure, i do it every year, i say to the lovely lady that happens to be watching the game with me that day that the minute the first touchdown is scored, we go to the table and score our own touchdown, and see which one takes longer. so far, no offers...

bonus bonus: what's your can't-live-without sport? tennis > ballroom dancing > ballroom "dancing" > eating doritos






CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY









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SIGNED, CAT LOVER

which pic is YOUR favorite? you can sense my faves by which pics i decided to post first and last, :D







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TNH: MY BACK TO BASICS, DANCING IN THE DARK

*CLICKY CLICKY*


first, click on the train tracks of destiny for my back, the canvas upon which the new series rests



THEN, CLICK HERE FOR THE HAUNTING MELODY WHICH BOOK-ENDED THE FILM



DANCER IN THE DARK, have you seen this fine film? thanks to the good folks at netflix, i recently viewed it and i loved it, this movie about '60s washington state, a mother with poor eyesight going blind, trying to prevent her son from enduring the same fate, and that money for the operation which leads to a cop's wished-for death and bjork hung at the gallows, all of this, of course, with intermittent hollywood Big Era musical dance numbers!!! a lot of critics panned it, thought bjork's performance was strange, it was her major acting debut and she had such a hard time of it she vowed never to act again, but then again, when is bjork NOT strange? that's why we adore her. some pointed to the reported feud between her and the brilliant lars von trier, you know the director whose films make depression look cool and stylish, and a fox which proclaims "CHAOS REIGNS", but i saw that as simply two creative giants going at it to produce the best possible project. if you listen to the commentary, lars even goes as far as to say that the ending of the film is more bjork's than his original script. others hated it becuse they just hate bjork, which is fair, but a foreign concept to me. as you all know, it's no secret, i am a hardcore bjork enthusiast and devotee, you may be a fangbanger, but i'm a bjorkbanger, i study and appreciate her manipulation of sounds, and that pixie voice of hers is unmistakable. i've said before that i think her music is THE most creative and layered and complicated i've heard, so this really was a must-watch for me, bjork fan that i am, fan with the rose-colored glasses.

i won't give too much away of the film for those of you who haven't seen it, save to say that the last part of the film, the gallows scenes, are some of the most terrifying and sad moments i've ever seen committed to film, no matter what side of the fence you are on with the issue, you can't help but leave the theater feeling a little shaken, AND stirred. for me, the fact that it was the noose around her THROAT, the very part, the very organ she uses to produce those lovely sounds, her esteemed music, was the hardest to see, it was like they were killing her very soul more than her body. once you've seen it, let me know, email me and we'll have an impromptu film discussion, i always love that, i'll get back to you in between sips of hot tea and filling my notebooks with one-line ideas for novels i'm supposed to write. see, it's easy to come up with ideas for books, one-line sentences for themes, it's stretching out those one sentences into whole masterpieces that's the tricky part.





go to THE NAUGHTY HANGOUT, CLICK HERE to see who else is playing this week and for YOU to start playing this week






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TMIT: WOULD YOU RATHER?

would you rather

1. wear the same pair of unwashed socks for 2 years or wear the same pair of unwashed underwear for 1 year? explain. the underwear, i'm a guy

2. eat a baby or be eaten by a giant baby? explain. THE DINGO ATE MY BABY!!! but seriously, folks, gotta go with the Giant Baby, a marvel of science that i would discover and milk millions out of. it's not quite Kubrick's Space Baby, but it's close

3. steal money from your grandfather in the past or steal money from a grandchild in the future? explain. have you seen any bad sci-fi show in the past 50 years? the whole time-travel paradox thing destroys all logical thinking, the time-travel Grandfather Rules simply blow up and annihilate your brain cells the more you try to understand and reason it out, look at the history of Fry going into the past and becoming his own grandfather on FUTURAMA

4. be trapped in a cave full of vampire bats or put a large jar full of bees (opened) in your pants? i put my hands in my pants, but that's neither here nor there. vampire bats, definitely the vampire bats, i love vampires, i'm a fangbanger, i love one in particular, he has a really pale face, cool hair, and he sparkles when he tells me he'll love me for eternity

5. be a person with a head that is noticeably big for your body or have a head that is disproportionately small compared to the rest of your body? GIANT HEAD, 'NUFF SAID

bonus: have sex with your significant other in a sex club with all eyes and a spotlight on you OR get gang-banged and groped in darkness by a bunch of strangers? significant other? what's that? sex clubs are intriguing places, in fact my place of choice to unwind...yeah, not a fan of rape, but that's just me





CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY






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BABE OF THE WEEK: SO I WAS WATCHING THAT "ONE LIFE TO LIVE" SERIES FINALE...

and damn!!! BREE WILLIAMSON, there she was, and i cursed myself that i didn't pick up on this soap sooner. for me, it's a nostalgia thing, i like to watch the last (and first for that matter) episode of ANY show, just to say i was there when...just so my brain registers an important event in my life, the time when all those loose threads of the show (should) come together and form the package of why the first episode's threads were blowing all over the place.

i'm a rare breed, i'm a straight male who LOVES watching soap operas. i suppose it's the (hack) writer in me, i love seeing how the storylines are created and maintained through 5 new hour-long episodes a week, that's not an easy task, to make it so the dialogue remains fresh and sharp for a LONG arc, a YEARS-LONG arc sometimes, this isn't anime where you initiate and wrap up the entire story in 13 neatly-tight episodes that have more to do with the plot than character development. it's the exact opposite with the soaps framework, you focus more on the characters, their daily lives, you get down to the very minutiae of their lives---jobs, work, family, sex---because the overarching plot arcs are so drawn-out over so many episodes and weeks that it can become a forest-for-the-trees scenario. also, most soaps are couched in the mundane process of simply living in the city or whatever, so most of the dialogue, most of the lines spoken, are by themselves quite dull, it's only in the service of a good story that it all brightens up. usually, there isn't anything fantastic or supernatural going on here, the rare beautiful exception, of course, was the soap PASSIONS, i love you PASSIONS, r.i.p. timmy the doll and real boy. most of the time, though, it's a lot of alcoholism, suicide, the national Awareness of this disease or that disease of the day, divorce, kinky sex in the closet, teenage cutting, and Earthly problems, realistic problems, of this real world...no dragons or anything.

scratch all that, i watch soaps because they're inevitably filled with the most gorgeous babes on this here real planet. i mean, seriously, where do they find these women?! these chicks aren't just fine, hot, hott, or smoking. we're talking here about RESTAURANT-quality babeage, four-star Michelin Star fine-dining restaurants here, the type that Gordon Ramsay would be inside of yelling at whomever.



CLICK HERE FOR SOAP SEX, CHEESY BUT STILL A STAPLE, CLEARING OUT THAT DESK FOR SOME EDITED FUCKING, MUST LEARN THAT TRICK


oh, it seems you will have to set up a youtube account to see the above link, go ahead and do it if you haven't already, it's worth it, i think


CLICK HERE FOR SOME LOVE MUSIC, ALWAYS MUST HAVE JUST THE RIGHT TYPE OF GET-IT-ON MUSIC WITH THE HOT SOAP SCENE. ALSO, THAT TECHNIQUE WHERE IN PASSION YOU AND YOUR LOVER WHILE IN AN EMBRACING-TOGETHER BALL HIT INTO A WALL AND A PRICELESS PAINTING FALLS TO THE FLOOR, THAT TECHNIQUE'S GOING IN MY BELT






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TNH: MY EYES GLOW ONLY FOR YOU

*CLICKY CLICKY*



first, click on a past life of mine to end the series in vibrant rubble



THEN, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE, FOR THE GLOW




hear that?
thud thud thud thud thud thud thud
sound of the world ending
sound of lonely nightmares dotting the landscape
sound of people's spirits trying to escape
but realizing we are all one in this Struggle
we must dine with our bitter enemies
and smile through our magic faces and wonder
if this is really the way we are to live and please
whoever's Up There

i just hope when nero starts fiddling
and our home starts burning
that it is your hand that clutches
yo quiero much

sandwich update: no sandwich girl this week, just two dudes, awkward conversation ensued, felt a little dirty afterwards, uncomfortable, i suppose i am only able to talk well when i flirt, though i must say the chicken sandwich was good, well, about par, okay, maybe a little over-par



go here, CLICK HERE FOR THE NAUGHTY HANGOUT to see who else is playing this week and for YOU to participate for the first time




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TMIT: HOODOO VOODOO

who(m) do you want to

1. play naked twister with?: my secret lover Angie, also our maid, long story

2. love?: cheeky minx

3. excites you beyond belief?: god...until i found out He doesn't exist

4. ass play with?: can i say myself? no? then, my best friend, male/female withheld

5. shower with? my rubber duckie for my bath

6. undress? that awesome, cool MTV show Undressed, man i miss that teen soap

7. rim? car rims? oh, THAT...um, Elmo? sorry, i think i just disqualified myself with that answer

8. elope with? philosophia, definitely philosophia



bonus: whom do you want to wake up in the arms of? why? anyone, absolutely anyone. why? 'cause i breathe, i live, i'm a human just like you




CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY









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TNH: THE FALCON KILLS THE LATE PHOENIX

*CLICKY CLICKY*



first, click on my final demise, but what a handsome creature to demise to, for #3 in the series



THEN, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE FOR FUN SPANISH CLASS




to be eaten is the final insult,
eaten by another creature for food
can't blame you, it's the cycle of nature
but i still had things to do
oh well, such is life, at least i was useful to someone in the end
y'know, now that i think about it
i wouldn't want it any other way
it's an honor to be eaten by such a beauty as you
now if only the sandwich girl i've been trying to talk to will hear me when i ask her how her day's going, and if she survived the holidays, took three times before she recognized the word "holidays", i guess i stutter or something when i talk, i wasn't especially nervous this time, though, maybe i'm just naturally marble-mouthed, dunno, i guess when you're "talking" online, you don't need your motor skills as much, don't need to actually enunciate words that often, could be





go to THE NAUGHTY HANGOUT, CLICK HERE to see who else is playing this week. if you are playing, announce yourself: go to the comments section, include a link to your blog and your TNH, and type "I'M UP!!!", it's really quite fun, quite the rage







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THE SPACE BETWEEN THE NIGGLE AND THE VOMIT

malaise, the bad kind. i was sick most of this weekend, deathly ill, was even considering typing up a blog post which read, simply, untitled: pray for me, i am not long for this world. then i realized i was too sick to type, and all of my prayers go unanswered anyway. it started innocently enough, as these things often do, picking out which colander to use for thursday spaghetti. sure, i'll do the dinner tonight, i still have a schedule of shows to keep up, but i can fit it all in. i knew when my photographic memory took a snapshot of the computer sill last night filled with tons and tons of used tissues from my sick relative, that same sill the next day would be mysteriously cleared and i would think nothing of it, as the germs all collected and multiplied and had sex with one another, invisible and hedonistic and ready to pounce into my lungs, knew i would pay eventually. the night after, signs stirring, wake up with a terrible sore throat, the scary kind that just pops into your mouth without warning, you wonder if some alien infected you while you were helpless sleeping. okay, okay, take some white pills for headache, and you'll be fine. that quieted things down for two hours...then BOOM, headshot! body aching all over, can't move, can't get around to watch my stories on tv, and worst of all, the sore throat has been trapped shut by the virus's evil buddies secreting their tape and glue to trap my tongue, now it hurts every single time i swallow. i'm a fucking commercial: "MOMMY, it'll hurt if i swallow!" loss of appetite, once wanted a heavy enchilada and a chili bowl, now i make myself a breaky of fried eggs and bacon, nibble on a little egg, and fall fast asleep for another two-hour forced power nap. next night, the post title starts to make sense, the vapors of vomit enter my stream. i feel like i'm gonna throw up, but i'm not quite there. this is why i type now, to explain to you that space of time between the first niggle you get in the pit of your stomach and the actual vomiting. that space, i contend, is the worst feeling a human can endure. when i was going through it, i felt not LIKE i was dying, but rather that this WAS in fact the actual feeling of DEATH. see, there's nothing you can do at that point, you can't escape your body, and you know that in five minutes, your body will vomit, it's simply something you cannot avoid, try as you might, much like DEATH. you have to lay comatose on your dirty bathroom floor, looking at the empty lemon air-freshener can's instructions for the zillionth time as your head is in the toilet bowl, holding on to the sides with your greasy hands, your mind crazy from the strain of waiting, trying to hum a few bars of that nirvana song of olde, can't wait for it to be over, but must wait, now? is it coming now? will the vomit travel as an unwelcome guest through the whitened tubes of my body, under my stomach, through the highway, up the throat violently, and out and PUSH, and PUSHED OUT for heat and HEAT and final release and glory, and the NIGGLE gloriously gone!! the niggle is gone! such heavenly release, oh it feels so righteous, i am so relieved, but what a price i had to pay for this outcome, a little bit of my soul just left me tonight, much like death.





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THE BCS SUCKS, BUT PICK A WINNER ANYWAY

it's that time of year again, my babies, time for everyone in the blogosphere to play my little bcs national championship game. of course, until there's a playoff, this isn't a true championship, but something tells me that a force that begins with M and ends in Y will prevent that from ever happening. choose either the Honey Badger---don't mess with the honey badger, it's dangerous not to care---and LSU or Bama to win this monday. also, predict the final score, follow my example in the comments. the one who picks the correct winner and is closest to the actual score will get a well-thought-out surprise email from yours truly to you. however, i will not transmit said email message until after i have downed one bottle of a fizzy drink, you get to choose the fizzy drink, humor me here, it's a science experiment. have fun, folks...





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TNH: IN THIS ERA, WE DANCE

*CLICKY CLICKY*




first, click on what i look like as an 8-bit bowler for #2 in the series


THEN, CLICK HERE, BUT ONLY IF YOU'RE READY TO GET OUT OF YOUR CHAIR





in this era, we dance our problems away
we bleep and bloop and blizz instead of another depression pill
we boing and doing and dipp because our parents
taught us to fillit and hgyth and nopil instead, and we hate our parents
we never learn, we had to oooooo when the sign said clearly to pppppppppp
we got some pregnant, but we had fun disobeying and disobythghhging
if you don't qwertyuuuu, you'll never sweieieiieiiiei
even the Grand Elder Wand wasn't broken in time to clean up the mess of the Big GGU&%DHGKIUUYYUFTYRDEYTH>IHJB HJTY&^GG HI YL LUN*T&YU B K?KMH O? JIU U IO
ha, ha, yeah, that's a story we'll be telling our grand-gndjdkjdf8rurhryryryr




thirdly, stop by over my main man nolens volens's place:

HERE, CLICK RIGHT HERE, FOR THE NAUGHTY HANGOUT

to see who else is playing, and especially if you want to try TNH for the first time. go ahead, now's your chance, new year and all, go for it, we're welcoming and friendly, trust me




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TMIT: 1/3/12

1. finish this sentence: in the new year, the world will end, or i will be forced to take down my nostradamus poster from my ceiling once and for all. i'm not playin', anymore, Nostra, i've taken you back too many times before. i love you but here's where it has to end

2. do you make new year's resolutions? if yes, what are they for 2012? NO...okay, i'll play, well, when i was a smart college student, my pat answer would be that my resolution every year was to stop making resolutions, but soon the seniors saw my eyes fill with so much self-congratulatory bile that they had to empty me out, and i became less arrogant after that

3. what new year's resolutions did you make last year? to accomplish something, to make something of myself, to become famous for my art...none panned out, for as you can see, i'm still blogging

4. think of three of those resolutions from last year. how did you do in keeping them? WELCOME TO MY BLOG!!!, that's how well i did

5. what is your most memorable sexual happening/experience in 2011? i learned to finally love myself. problem is, i think i'm *loving* myself a little too frequently...three times a day seems about the line, y'know?

bonus: what was your most memorable experience (activity, event, etc) in 2011? memorable, well, more like scary, the thought that i might have to live in a cardboard box for awhile, that all my money would suddenly dry up. actually, i still don't have word on that, still waiting to hear back and learn my fate, so keep your cyber fingers crossed for me :*



CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE, FOR TMI TUESDAY






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