learned:
* you know why 108 years ago seems like yesterday? cos time doesn't exist.
* "don't have a cow, man!!!"---Bart. the only Bart we know.
* anyone else getting election fever? this cycle it's an actual fever.
* wait, where are the girls?
* the boy just wanted to go to the bathroom.
* no dunce caps yet. the Illuminati was just getting started.
* George Washington was a dinosaur. literally. again, the Illuminati was just getting started.
* if you say it out loud, it makes it easier to believe.
* boy: Santa!
* first, the gravedigger appears. that's a bad omen.
* kid, it's just a dream! school is hell and there is no escape!
* Babe Ruth: school is for chumps. all that matters in life is becoming a professional athlete.
teacher: i wanted to be a rapper but my mother forbid it.
* Babe Ruth: arithmetic? i just ask Siri. she tells me everything.
teacher: i wish i had an exotic concubine.
* these kids don't want to play baseball. they just want to get outside to go to the bathroom.
* Babe Ruth: i'm a good pitcher, too, dammit!
* oh, kid, no, that's not gonna cut it. next time throw your cutter.
* that's not a catcher's mask but it is a mask if you know what i mean.
* no grass. back then, the entire United States was one big horsetrack.
* that's dangerous, kid! no, not the slide. not being on top of the tables. having an imagination. back then having an imagination was dangerous.
* boy: 6 times 6 is 36...
teacher: quiet.
boy: yes, Headmaster...............i mean, dad.
* teacher: Santa just winked at me.
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Harry Caray weekend
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