had to show one of Kirk Fogg in full shorts so you could appreciate the legs. what are we doing here? Jade Ramsey for the Cockney win, love those twins and their twins. oh my first gameshow, i can dig it. see back in the glorious '80s cable was the great unknown. it was this dark and enigmatic thing that young kids feared because they heard it was full of curse words and children allowed to express themselves like the adults and brats they were. it was kid-tv's first foray into self-actualization. Alanis Morissette. most of the kids on my street had never heard of cable, or it was too expensive, reserved for the haughty types with the skateboards. the cable itself was the stuff of legend, a long silver cord which plugged into your television set and magically gave you more than 3 channels. most of us were content with our 3 channels, we still drew and stuff. Nickelodeon was the keeper of the rebel child's flame in those days, it was the bastion of freedom, where dwelled the kids your mother warned you about, the bad kids, the rude kids, the kids who burped after every meal and farted in church. who wore a baseball cap upside down and had a slingshot sticking out of his backpocket. who shaved the sides of his head but still had long hair. the home of slime and misbehavior. Nickelodeon, where kids could be kids. where kids ruled.
the land of mazes and games. the place of video games and gum. spirit. adventure. couch forts. and couch farts. campfire stories and cooties. baseball cards and bikes. into this milieu dropped the greatest indoor game show of all time, the one with the most mystery. and the one with the most history. it taught you as it funned you.
you had to basically be getting an A in history and geography in grade school or you'd embarrass yourself and get a 0 on the trivia questions and probably should ask your mom to grab you from the audition line. the contestants, one chick and one dude, dressed to the nines in safari gear, stood where Olmec said to stand.
Olmec was a scary-ass mofo. he was a huge rock monster but you only saw his stone head. don't ask where the rest of him went. probably smugglers. Olmec had large red satanic eyes and ordered in baritone. if you disobeyed Olmec, it was worse than not eating your pea mush and disappointing your parents. you were sent to the netherworld never to return. eternity. unless you were christian and/or a settler.
next rounds involved jumping over volcanos, skipping on skipping stones, getting waterlogged, swallowing water, swinging on vines, that sort of thing.
the bonus round is where the true spelunking began. that's where you explored the actual Temple that is the show's namesake. so mystifying the Temple it was constantly covered in smoke. there were many rooms, too many rooms,
EVEN OLMEC GOT CONFUSED, CLICK HERE
that's what happens when you have no body. different rooms with different tests, of wits and muscle, different colors, heat and light and dark and cold, more vines, bricks, and that damn clock. kids weren't meant to take timed tests, NOBODY does well on pop quizzes, nobody. no flashlights on their helmets, the kids went in cold, they were hardcore. if they fell and cracked their skulls so be it. barechested cabana-boy temple guards would come out behind doors in inopportune times and scare the bejesus (christian) out 'em, molest them to no end.
AND THEN THERE WAS THE SILVER MONKEY. YOU'D THINK THE BOY COULD SOLVE HIS MONKEY, CLICK HERE
only the strong survived. and the prizes, oh the prizes! bikes and trips to space camp in Florida and stuff! and the way they set it up, who knows? you could end up falling in love with your teammate and fucking them in junior high. marriage was a stretch but i think it happened once.
i didn't witness the phenomenon of this show live on its magnificent first run, that would have been life-changing. it was but a delicious rumor on the playground i never got to see as a youth. only later as a worn teen did i binge it. on the GAS channel, Games & Sports. GAS is not a viable name for a channel, too crack-up-inducing. but it's Nickelodeon so it was the PERFECT name.
don't watch the film. on protest.
CEPT FOR THAT CUTE (NOT KAPPA) MIKEY THE MONKEY, CLICK HERE
why did they dirty-pool their resources and use the money to make a movie when they could have revived the series itself? perhaps it's better to let it languish in classic repeats. but Kirk Fogg's still alive so why not?
the golden age is the golden age cos no one found the gold
and for Legend of the Seeker. i was debating which show to make the actore and which the understudy for this post piece. it was close.
CLICK HERE FOR THAT FANFICTION WET DREAM AGAIN, IT NEVER GETS OLD, ONE MORE TIME
and for Languishing, i'm tired.
CLICK HERE FOR THE A TO Z CHALLENGE