The WB. remember? we know drama. and boy was this a drama. this show was serious as fuck. each character spoke in stentorian Shakespearean tones reminiscent of Northern Exposure. the world would be a more interesting place if everyone spoke with such effervescent erudition. at least have our leaders be this way. hey Bannon, slip Donald a Mickey Spillane.
it avoided becoming completely cloying cos the characters were so earnest and likable. well except that smug doctor. the other doctor.
big-city doctor reTreats with his fam to the wilderness after tragedy to get away from it all and breathe in country air. Treat Williams, the best first name ever, all hunky and plaid Monty Python lumberjack:
WHEN YOU HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN COS YOUR ITCHY BEARD HASN'T BEEN CUT IN YEARS, CLICK HERE
Gregory Smith, the brooding emo teen EVERY SINGLE WOMAN in the world had their first jill-off to. i mean his name was Ephram, it doesn't get any more poetic. i remember reading a Tv Guide article where Gregory talked about the first years of the show and adjusting to worldwide megafame and how he stood outside a meet-and-greet kiosk at a mall one time next to a glossy standee of himself and everyone just walked past and didn't give a fuck. Gregory Smith is good people.
OMG folks CHRIS PRATT!!! now i'm not as enamored of the big soft squeezy lovable goofy teddy bear that is Chris Pratt as the world is, but i swear to you only TODAY did i realize that Starlord himself was on this show young. i mean i remembered his jock-with-the-heart-of-gold character, he definitely stood out, and i know Chris Pratt, but i never put the two of them together:
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fuck that was hot. when a geek girl uses "shower" as code for "sex", you've got something.
the girlfriend. okay yeah well the girlfriend was annoying. hot can't erase ugly. and the grandma. all tv grandmas MUST be ballsy dames who ride hogs, have seen it all, tell it like it is, and use foul language. there is room only for idiosyncratic grandmas, no more mild grandmas who quietly knit and fucking tea.
and Vivien Cardone:
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she made it, she avoided the curse of the child star, she grew up beautiful and has a boyfriend who serves her breakfast in bed, and she was on Law & Order. she's part of the honored acting community who get it. life is good. good for you, Vivien Cardone.
i do remember the finale. it was a big popcorn event. all the girls and i gathered round our sets with snuggies and trail mix. Ephram was gonna say or do something big with his girlfriend that would have life-changing consequences. i remember the thing dragging on for two hours. i don't remember what was said or done in the end. i only carry around in my head the lasting image of Ephram on top of a country-faire ferris-wheel or something, ruminating about life.
and then i realize this show was about a beloved wife and mother who died too soon and ghosts and memories you can never recapture and lonely nights in the wilderness, and the heartbreaking passage of time, and i feel sad. i finished up this post and was sad the rest of the day.
and for Elevator next time, buddy. poor Dustin Johnson.
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