Wednesday, October 29, 2014


Ty, Tudey, Scootch, Base Fase, and Mario relocate just outside the city. Base Fase has a big-enough hole in the wall in the neighboring city for the bunch to hide out in till the heat dies. Fancytown on the other hand is awash in live protests, firework explosions on a non-holiday, street riots, riot police using tear gas to spread open the eyes of the protesters throwing rocks and stones, creating a hole wide open to let in their military, outside-the-city rabblerousers causing trouble, Lofton's police being the biggest instigators, all directed with technology by Lofton sitting on the futtock of his pirate ship.

Ty: you lied to us, Base, this turned out to be nice, not a hovel. and you're still sure the owners won't come back at night and scare us?

Base: lips are sealed, i know the deal, i walk the streets, squat or no squat, i avoid the pop.

Scootch, Base Fase, and Mario sit next to each other on the couch and share a joint.

Scootch: it was smart to leave the city, but be right next to the city, next to the property line, we can still see the ocean and Lofton's garish pirate ship. his thugs can't reach us.

Ty: and he would call us thugs. don't underestimate him. this is a stop but not a cure. the running around before gave me time to think. that's how i fill my days now, with thinking and computing on my ipad, researching.

Mario: and fucking Tudey.

Ty: thank you for keeping that on the down low. it was not my intention, furthest thing from my computing mind actually. i don't need a distraction, the goal is all that matters. but it happened naturally as the best things do. thank you for keeping here on the couch when we're in the next bedroom.

Mario: you remind us of what we can achieve, my blood. and it doesn't hurt to get a little second-hand smoke wafted our way.

Ty: you can afford to be passive smokers, but i must be doing the smoking when the time comes. the plan is set, right fellas? we've been over this. everything is in place.

Base: thanks to me you have your gun.

Ty: shiny one, too, nice and dull and shiny. this is proof that you never know what's up a friend's pocket. best to make many friends so as to have many pockets to stick your hand into.

Scootch: while we're assigning praise, remember it was i who suggested leaving the city and its rules.

Ty: i forgot you in the commotion but i will never forget you, my brothers. nobodies become somebodies in the forge of purpose. and numbers reign, oh do they reign, a cause is nothing without many minds sharpening the spear. when many contribute, the one becomes fortified. it is still one, lost in its combination, only the one shines through, but the memories of the individuals who shaped that one's spear call out at the moment of impact. though forgotten, you are never forgotten because the very existence of the spear was proof of your being.

Mario: you have my bullets, right? they are special bullets, they turn counterclockwise when fired instead of the usual clockwise, they are poetic like that, i love seeing things in motion, round and round and round, i desire that spinning of intent, i cannot afford to be idle.

Ty: yes my friend, you are my arm that plunges the blade, that knifes the life, truly. the weapon is set. i may think i have all the answers, but you guys remind me that thinking is flawed. in action is resolve, in action is result.

later that night, Tudey returns through the shadows to the bedroom and curls up with Ty.

Ty: dat u, boo? i was having the strangest dream, a nightmare where i wasn't the leader i made myself out to be, i wasn't man enough for the job, i wasn't the man you or the guys expect me to be.

Tudey: leader problems. what about me? i am certainly the woman for this job and then some. the things i've had to do to that man. but it's all for the cause i keep telling myself, when he holds down my head, opens me up, and pulls my hair.

Ty is incensed internally and it spills out like incense externally. he offers Tudey a comforting kiss. these two solemn naked folk kiss with their big lips big love for each other and hug forever.

Ty: do not spill the details, i don't want to know. i can't picture the face of mine enemy at this moment doing such horrid things to you, and that is for the best. best to be cold when coldness is required. please spill the details, did you get any dirt on him and his locations?

Tudey: i have some things that i will whisper in your ear. do you think my big bro would approve of this?

Ty: i hope Dry is smiling. i did not want this. i did not want you. i did not want me. this seems convenient, not romantic, like it was borne out of necessity rather than lust. it's the fireman who moves in with his fallen fellow fireman friend's widow. Dry, i do hope you know that we do this out of a bonded concern for you, this is in memory of you, this isn't about us, it's about keeping the family unit together, for though the two of us were strangers not too long ago, we are family now, and families have a unique way of keeping themselves strangers to each other.

Tudey: you say the sweetest things, my brother, you sure know how to make a girl feel special. it's incestuous and messy yet not. in the end, it's a coming together. whether it's because we are the only two people in the room, bodies seek comfort whatever their locations in life. loneliness is the one enemy which cannot be gotten rid of easily with a gun.

Ty: until you use the gun. my eyes are starting to go, they're straining in this pale light. i need to wash the blood off my face.

Tudey: that's just redness. you get hot easily.

Ty: true true. my face burns now than ever before. even after i shower, the refreshment lasts but a minute. i need to douse my face with water constantly, keep my eyes open with soothing liquid.

Tudey: you have to remind yourself to wake up, wake up, always be waking up. perfect, now that you've awoken, you have time to listen to my day. time to talk about our feelings.

Ty: i think not, i am an animal of feeling, i am ready to listen and fully engage.

Tudey: the change occurred gradually, it seemed natural, then one day i woke up and snap, just like that i quickly realized that community organizing was not a thing. i want to be a nurse.

Ty: feel, it's to honor Dry. his death makes you want to save others as a replacement for the one person you couldn't save.

Tudey: will everything in my life be about my brother? when does my own life start?

Ty: as soon as it's done, and there's closure, except the chapter is never closed because Dry Dream wasn't able to write his epilogue the way he wanted, it was written for him by a dirty, inky hand holding a feather.

Tudey: i miss him, Ty.

Ty: i know. that's the only thing i know. i feel it, i don't just think it. but you are forever my bitch. more importantly, you're my sister. we'll get through this, but only together. no man is an island in the middle of the ocean on a ship.

the two kiss on the side of their mouths and smile internally. Tudey tries to get up but Ty playfully hangs onto the white sheet.

Tudey: i need a glass of water.

Ty: oh to be able to drink water than have to splash it on.

Ty gazes at Tudey's large naked butt as she walks away. his gaze moves right and covers the entire bedroom slowly. his point fixes at the open window where the thin curtains are being dragged back and forth by the sea breeze. anchors and bells are thinly sounding in the distance. Ty can sense the shadow of Lofton's ship in the offing, he can't see the shadow but he senses it. next, Ty scans the bedroom's open closet and notices a white nurse's uniform hanging on a hanger, drooping.

he gets up and goes to the washroom to wash his face. he collects the dirty rented tap water into his two palms and throws the water ferociously into his face. his big mouth drips and drips and drips. he tries to look himself in the bathroom mirror but the image goes right through him. his face starts feeling warm again, pins shock above both ears, his head is in turmoil, he's remembering, thinking back to the dream he had, the swirling colors of the afterlife, Dry trying to add color to Ty's manic confused dream, letting him know that he is there, his friend lives, the cacophany of the beats and the rhythm and the vocals of pain and anguish,


Ty: the two of us share the wound of fallen family, the five of us share the wound of being under the heel of the boot of tyranny. no drug lasts forever, we all wake up the next day with the truth, bleary eyes stay bleary only for so long, water resets the face and the day but never the reality of no more days ever. the five of us were bars of pig iron, always the Man's truffle hogs, now we merge and melt and fuse together into steel to slaughter the pigs, with a blowtorch unseen by the tyrant. this flame was boiling the rock underground into lava, unnoticed for decades by the tyrant too busy on top of the cool ground amassing his wealth and influence. cracks in the ground are beginning to form, the lava is seeping through, things unchecked have a way of checking themselves into balance again. the time is nigh. the time is night, black as night.

Ty listens to the silence. he hears through the window the quiet. the storm and the inbetween storms, that's where the sea lives. the moonlight is a bright dull column tonight, catching white on his face for a split second, bathing the waters and one side of the pirate ship. nothing can be seen on the ship, it's too far away, except for the discernable tower of shadows it casts over the land. he hears the metronomic tone of the waves, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.



Monday, October 27, 2014


1. what are you most afraid of? pickles...Mr. Pickles the dog from that adult swim show.

2. do you believe in life after death? all i know is that there is death after life...

3. what is your purpose? TMIT

4. where are you going? i am never going, i am always cumming.

5. do you fear hell? why or why not? yes. because i am going there. and the place is run by the Beast from the Doctor Who episode "The Satan Pit." i mean, just look at that guy! the Doctor wasn't scared of him, but we all don't have sonic screwdrivers in our hands do we. some of us just have our hands.

6. do you feel free? only when i'm writing...and when i go pee in an open field thus foregoing the need to touch my crotch as i ask for directions to a bathroom.

bonus: why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when asking where's the bathroom? i do. i have found in my travels on the TARDIS with the Ponds and the Doctor that there are many planets out there, and all like threesomes and foursomes. some planets regard the pointing to the wrist as an act of aggression, of flicking off, of saying FUCK YOU. other planets, like the one where everyone looks like Michael Keaton, regard the crotch as sacred and something to be pointed at and high regard. it's all a matter of degree, it's all relative, like time, which doesn't exist. crotches exist.



Friday, October 24, 2014


so was he always there? or did he join them just then? my last friend, at college, debated this with me long into the chilly night on a campus road lit only by the moon Halloween eve after we watched the film for free cos we were cool viable registered actual students with discount cards. we had made it, only perks from here on out. exchanging our ice breath, we came to the conclusion that he was cooler than me. i had remembered my fall coat.


happy halloween/weekend


Wednesday, October 22, 2014


Lofton is quite efficient at cleaning up messes and making everything nasty go away. as soon as daylight strikes the tired smoke of Halloween night in Fancytown, any news of the shooting of Dry Dream is gone out of the mind of the city, like a dream, which is what Halloween is once a year. it was a nonstarter, it never happened, Dry officially became a number because it was just another unsolved shooting. neighbors dare not speak, snitches get stitches, especially the ones who witnessed it, cos eyewitness testimony is the most unrealiable as ironic as that seems. others more powerful and learned are quickly paid off in hush-hush rooms and the brighest smile in the room and the city always belongs to Lofton, he is brighter than the sun who peeks behind a cloud this day and radiates a disinfectant over the gory details of Fancytown.

Lofton quickly sends his squads to go hunt for Ty and Tudey. or maybe he doesn't. Lofton just has to make it appear that he's searching for them. it's not the actual fear, it's the posibility of fear. Ty and Tudey understand this, the two are huddled with a group of other three by the railroad tracks. Tudey convinces Ty that this is the safest place there is, the most abandoned, the river here is so polluted not with chemicals but by a broken heart of never being visited and tended to. nobody comes here, it's not even fit for the cement of those gangland murders in the city's past, the cement becomes too easily warped, it doesn't hold correctly and evenly, the clean getaway can't be accomplished cleanly.

Ty: this is Akira Hall?

Tudey: well i'm hearing through my sources that that place is booked. man, i never thought someone as important as Lofton would care enough about two nobodies like us to send his top troops and military police to scour the countryside for us. i mean, shit, on any other day, Akira Hall is full of abandoned pool tables.

Ty: this entire city is abandoned, full of people and abandoned. that is the drug of anonymity, you can hide in the shadows. once you're known, you can't be erased, other than by a bullet. you are a target for life.

Scootch: i don't know who you are. i barely know this girl. i was told there was a leader who could bring hope and change to this area. is that you? i don't got time to wait to see if you have the stuff, i've got mouths to feed, detailing to do, my cars...

Base Fase: i'm a worthless basehead, but worthless basebheads are people, too. isn't a society based on dignity one that bases its moral compass on how it cares for its most-pressing helpless citizens? who's to say i won't get clean and end up president, where i can keep all the gold for myself and finally have myself a delicious, paid-for chicken dinner? we all have dreams, i am just as important a cog. without me to step on, other people don't achieve their dreams. i'm vital. call me a basic bitch, but we're all basic. we're all humans, that's what unites us after all.

Mario: i'm here to help, to fight, to do whatever, i am the fist that grips the sword, Ty, i am the loyal soldier. i don't believe in anything, much less myself, but i believe in action. not so much action bathed in purpose, but the motion of action, the kinetic energy, i like to see things move in a circle, in a pattern, my thinking goes off into weird patterns, i can't make sense of why point A feeds into point B, but i do understand the basic concept of action turning point A into point B, that is something felt. a punch, a kick to the head, that matters, the matter in my head, unkicked, is useless mush.

Ty sees a knife stuck in the middle of the dried-up dirt. he picks it up strangely. he doesn't pull it out by the handle, he pulls it out by the blade-end. his palm bleeds.

Ty: all knives are unsheathed to start with. the handle is a crutch, a manufactuired, put-on illusion that you are safely wielding power. the knife cuts both ways, you have to be ready to accept that. as you cut, it cuts you.

Base Fase: better than nothing.

Ty: Tudey, you keep this knife. think of it as me when i'm not here to protect you.

Scootch: what do we do now? the meeting is adjourned. i'll take the minutes later. we all know why we're here and what we want to have happen. the dictator must be overthrown. if we have to give our lives to do it, our lives will have not meant anything cos they will be over. if we don't so anything, our lives are over and meaningless. i suppose it's a matter of community, nihilism goes down more easily when shared.

Ty: i got this. i'm masta detective. no shit, Sherlock, just the straight shit. i know where to look for clues. i know i can prove he murdered your big brother, Tudey, eradicated him in cold blood. my blood is hot on the case. i'll check you guys late. we are united, friend, never forget that. when your blood is spilt, mine is. when you die, i don't die until i die and we are united, there, finally. united in ceaselessness. keep safe. skirt trouble. avoid the through streets. seek out cul-de-sacs.

Mario: but we're trapped in cul-de-sacs.

Ty: no, you trap them. is that them? fuck! who's running at us?

this happens frequently, Ty can't tell if he sees a shadow, a police gunning for him, an officer running at him, or a jogger on an afternoon stroll. oh to have a lazy Sunday again.

Lofton owned a ship. he built the pirate boat, actually, piece by piece, sail by sail, pole by pole, an exact replica of an early model, every detail perfect from those times pirates ruled the seas. the ship was docked by the railroad tracks. nobody in the town knew about this pirate ship though it was moored out in the open for anyone to see. either the citizens didn't care, were too busy getting shot at, had their own problems, were too busy dancing in the clubs to avoid getting shot at, had their own problems created by Lofton's government so they were busy with that, or because it was at the area no one went to.

Mario: we need guns, man! the fucking government has confiscated all of our guns, every single one. Lofton is an anal asshole. he made sure every single square inch was ransacked. every house, every single location, every edifice, every building searched from top to bottom. no guns on the streets except for the police's guns. but there is no backlash because crime rates have dropped, by one fucking percent. that's enough to keep the status-quo floating atop the sea. we are powerless. it's like bringing a knife stuck in the ground to a gunfight. it's like ten thousand


when all you need is a knife that can block state-sanctioned bullets.

Lofton is aboard his vessel. the parrot on his shoulder is his earpiece, listening to the police radio wirelessly and spitting commands into his headset.

Lofton: you have the body? an agent of mine was embedded in that ambulance. good, you got it. cremated? good. send the urn by drone to my location.

Lofton takes off his headset and taps the shoulders of his mateys who are diligently looking through golden scopes and donning red-and-white-striped shirts.

Lofton: release the nets! we shall catch our prey yet! i own the ocean.

Lofton sits down on his heavy coat. he doesn't feel the sea breeze on his cheeks.

Lofton: ah, i remember the last time we netted. we caught a whole bunch of old weapons at the bottom of this sea. fuck this city was a big pile of mess before i cleaned up everything. there was one knife in particular that struck me. it had a distinctive blue handle with a two-blue symbol that cut me too blue. it was blue as the ocean, the ocean now, the ocean when i was a child, it wasn't a handle, it was an ocean gem culled from the bottom of the clean sea, made shiny by the years and years, layers and layers of dust, soft dust not hard dust, and swarming life. i love the life down there at the bottom of the ocean, it goes swimmingly unimpeded and unnoticed. this knife struck me, it struck me in the abdomen leaving this permanent scar boil here. hurts like the dickens but i wear it proudly as a war wound. i had to make tough choices, cut the heads of those in power, i had to wage a one-man war against the city that i loved before chaos turned to order.

Lofton takes off his shirt to show the men but the men are too scared to turn around and leave their post.

Lofton: this is what we're fighting for, gentlemen. scars are reminders of pain. but pain is transitory unless it's permanent. hopelessness is permanent pain. there is good pain, pain which brings about the end of pain, a temporary prick which prevents the gusher from bleeding out. i am the bandage, the simple brown-colored restraint who decided to take a stand. i am the bandage that covers over the area where the dutiful pirate's limb used to be. in the name of pirates everywhere, renegades, raiders, i carry on the tradition as your captain.

Lofton receives the urn of Dry Dream's ashes by covert plane. it's dropped in his red palms.

Lofton: to you, Dry Dream, as i've come to know your name. my shooting of you was random, that's what makes it magical. it has helped me out so much. there is truly an interconnectedness of all things that we don't see. even when we try to avoid things, we fall into them, they land in our laps, they land by air courier. who could have imagined that all my problems would be solved by one flick of the trigger? my hand really did slip this time. oh greater purpose, it was destiny. hughhughhugh, it makes me think. all those times i intentionally killed people, always turned out in the end to be unnecessary. i get a little paranoid and, well, whatever, it happens. such a shame. so much crudity, crudeness, vileness, it's such a bloody messy scene, *hugh*, there must be a better way.

with that, Lofton shakes his head in disgust and pours Dry's ashes into the ocean. he cuts himself on a rusty jagged shard that is coming apart off the cheap urn. his blood mixes with the ashes which mixes with the salt water.


Monday, October 20, 2014


i'm tired of this. and i'm tired. now i have no mode of transport. i'm stuck inside my house. like usual. the walls are closing in. where are the flying cars? i was promised flying cars...

1. what CD is in your car's CD player? "Two Princes". that's the last song i heard on the CD format, the last time i touched a physical CD or had the occasion to use a CD player. once again, the Spin Doctors beat the odds and become historic.

2. turn on your car radio. what station is it turned to? Schweddy Balls on NPR.

3. what is in your glove box? gloves

4. any bumper stickers? GO FUDGE YOURSELF from a local cookie store i frequent.

5. any car stickers or car magnets? one time, i placed a refrigerator magnet on the hood of my car. the gravitational force was so strong it fucked up my engine. the engine couldn't start again. i called the towing guy to come pick it up. this happened just this morning.

6. when you drive, do you have a favorite beverage? yes, but i can't drink it cos i don't have a cup holder in my car. i only had money for either getting my rims done or the cup holder, not both. i had to make a choice.

7. what is the most unique thing about your car? it flies.

8. have you modified or decorated or enhanced your steering wheel? my WHIP glitters more than a teen heartthrob vampire. it's adorned everywhere with Shaggy Rogers stickers, Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. it's actually not a steering wheel anymore, it's a huge joystick. i love the feel of squeezing that ball atop that long cylinder.

9. if your normal mode of transport is a bicycle or motorcycle, what have you done to personalize it? i added an E.T. basket just in case. every full moon, i pop my head out my open window and scan for any long glowing fingers. most of the time i spot my neighbor waving at me with his infected red finger...

10. if your regular mode of transport is public---bus or subway---what do you do to pass the time on your rides? i tap people on the shoulder and ask them if they'd like to answer a few questions. when they start getting angry, i explain that it's for my youtube channel and that calms them down.

bonus: what is the sexiest thing in your car? you with those boss sunglasses on.

bonus bonus: what does your choice of personal or regular mode of transport say about you? that like the lyric i am a victim of this age. i'm not a car guy at all, i'm not macho like that, i prefer to walk everywhere. i loved it in college when i literally could walk everywhere: i could get a Slurpee at 7-Eleven on my way to the library. when i got kicked out of the library for bringing food in, i could walk to the BART and quickly be in San Fran for a concert and some grass, i mean concert on the grass. it was cool, free, and easy, and carless. without a car, without a care in the world.



Friday, October 17, 2014



THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. spirits roam this month. we creatures lose the line between dream and reality, we cross over and mistake the two. spirits are spirits, but we make them into nightmares, situations we can't ever imagine getting out of, sides to ourselves we shudder to show the world, show ourselves. quick! before the mirror breaks! that glimpse, gone forever. who will come to help us at our darkest hour? are you the savior? who will come together with us? the journey is solitary, inside the head, the mind, the imagination, but it is all us, it is not foreign, we travel to foreign lands but it is all our space, just spaces we have yet to explore, we return to our heritage. precious kitteh, human soul, fear is transitory, as are situations, but what cracks through fear is a seed resilient and a new perspective. it's all for a new look, a new way of being. what you were, the witches and warlocks you served, is in the past. what you are is in front of you. precious kitteh, human soul, you can be a bigger cat, you can be king of the jungle. merely place your paw one in front of the other. oh, and choose a different path this time. there is nothing to be frightened of. when you get scared, keep telling yourself: it is only the dream, only the dream, only the dream, it is the dream...

happy halloween


Wednesday, October 15, 2014


incensed is not the word. the word is charged.

Ty sees Dry die in front of him on a dark Halloween night with a convenient streetlamp busted so as to cover who shot and where the shot came from. a figure clouded in a white ghost robe is by Dry's body. Dry's hulking body on the alone cold street is the sign of death. Ty recognizes for the first time the time for firsts is now. he walks up to the secret man, who is obviously Lofton.

Ty: look at me, take that ridiculous costume off and look me in the eyes for the first time! man!

Lofton does not obey.

Lofton: blood, you don't order me. now i'll let that slide cos this is traumatic. i didn't shoot this poor thug. the guy who did it is getting away. he went that way, hurry!

Ty: i won't let that one slide, you didn't know this man. this man was named Dry Dream, he was the only person i ever called friend. do you know what a friend is? or is your heart as fake as your laugh?

Lofton: hughhughhugh. blood, i don't believe i've seen you in my town before. now that i see your face in the pale moonlight, i still can't believe you look this way. where do you live? i know everyone. you shouldn't be out here, it's not safe on Halloween, tonight is when all the perverts come out to play and roam and lurch and linger. don't worry, leave it to us experts, we keep my city safe. no lurching now, no loitering, no lingering, hughhughhugh.

Ty: i am an orphan of the streets, and this man, Dry Dream, is the first person to know my name. i cannot say "was" yet, i continue to say "is". he lives in me, do you know what that means? do you know what humanity is? courage? living against hope? do you know what these things are? only when you are low do you contemplate and experience such things. you've never known these things, you are always high. i don't know what Dry did to incur your wrath, to you he is another statistic to take back to your police buddies, but he is a real person, real flesh and bone, blood, not your blood, my blood, his blood runs in me, IN ME!!! and i am still alive, i live for both of us, and that, my brother, BROTHA, is your nightmare.

Lofton quickly removes his ghost costume, crumbles up the white sheet, and scrunches it forcefully into his pocket. his pants have a ridiculous bulge.

Lofton: the night casts things in a strange light. i don't know who you take me for, but i assure you, i am not that man. i am a man.

Ty: of course it was you! who else would it be? a rogue agent? a subordinate who didn't follow orders? they are only following orders after all. you are the head of the snake. plausible deniability is such a fucked-up oil. uh-oh, i see your brow tensing, you're dealing with a smart nigga here, one who doesn't toe the line, who is slightly askew, who doesn't buy into your civil patter because i am not really from here, i am more from me. i think independently, i walk in curves, i don't vote, i don't care, but when i care, i care until the end.

Lofton: it's not that you outmatch me in words, it's that i need to see the bigger picture here. i don't have time to verbally jab with you, i live in a world where the jabs are real, they hit the face, they pound flesh, and they kill. if you won't call an ambulance to pick this poor man up, i will. i'm busy. i've got things to do.

Ty: scurry into the night as always. i hear the red lights storming. hide before your own police force does any real investigating for the first time. don't lay claim to Dry Dream's life just because you claimed his life.

Lofton is gone into the night. Tudey opens the front door after a minute.

Tudey: i heard everything from a safe distance...

Ty: you didn't hear everything. neither did i. there is no safe distance. i'm still in shock. i'm shaking, give me your hand, Tudey.

the two embrace and cannot quell the shakes.

Ty: you haven't had time to cry, but we will. i swear to you, in a short time you are my family. it is not the length of time but the force of time. you are my blood, i have none. all my blood has been drained filling the top of my head, constantly bathing my brain, keeping it active trying to figure out the impossible. making sense of things which are doomed to death. wondering what life is.

Tudey: how am i gonna go on? how'm i gonna live without my big bro?

Ty: i loved big brother. you look at me, our eyes meet because we are people of good stock, of truth, we don't cast askance like Lofton. we don't put on airs in the name of power, we are not air, we breathe air, and there is an accounting of such things. tragedy is not the word, balance is. when you destroy a life, you destroy all the lives associated with it, and the black tip of the candle wick is forever singed until water is doused on it, a water pure with the intentions of justice. such bad things cannot stand alone and left out in the rain. i was alone, but i am understanding this. i was a bystander for so long, reading the numbers in the papers like everyone else, but the numbers are us, i am a number, you are a number, and yet we live, we are nimble numbers, numbers that move and think and avenge. the bystander effect will not affect us. i bemoaned the condition of my city and hid in plain sight at the bus stops for years, never talking, never walking, never stirring. i have come to learn that change requires action. and there is no action other than your own action. perception is reality, your perception is all that exists. i love you, Tudey, but i can never love you, i only know my own mind, bathed in excess blood, pumping so hard to understand.

Tudey: there are a couple of folk i want you to spit at, tomorrow when things have calmed down. we are cool cats sick and tired of being sick and tired. i've always wanted to be a community organizer, now it's not a game, i live my dream out of necessity, and everything i do from this point is for my brother. i'll set up the time and place, at Akira Hall.

Ty: i will not rest until i prove it was Lofton who killed Dry Dream. nay, the proof is in the pudding. what is justice? a long wait to futility. there is justice that is felt and justice that is read about in the papers. i prefer feelings, my feelings now. i love to feel, i've never felt before, always held it in to think, now i let loose and never think. Dry is dead, so the afterlife is here, the after-lives of me and you, Tudey. nothing matters anymore, there is no life, not in this unjust world. an author doesn't write to feel passively accepted by his critics holding paperbacks of his works years after the initial hoopla, to become a dream, he writes in the here and now to push a sword through the prevailing wisdom of the times. that sword is his strength, his power, for what is power but finality? the jury doesn't hurt, i hurt, and thus i quell my hurt by making the one who hurt hurt. for how else can those who own the world be slowed down other than to end their time in this, their world? they have fixed their philosophies, they look inward and justify their lofty goals of domination, how is the weak and powerless underling to respond? how does one live waking up to a world that doesn't recognize his existence? is he to live in the shadows, every breath he takes, every move he makes, unwatched? when will he step into the light of a streetlamp and light a Halloween firecracker that charges up into the sky and explodes, explodes because of him, forcing the head of the elite, the government, the king, to turn in shocked acknowledgment and see it? i must make him feel, myself, not wait for the slow hand of faulty evidence and loopholes and pay-offs and celebrity justice. feelings are feelings, they have nothing to do with thoughts, they are fed with blood. freedom is scary. freedom works both ways. i am not a number.

Tudey grabs Ty by the arm as the horrible cacophony of police sirens and swirling reds add to the confusing visual displays of mechanical mummy noises, vampire bites, pumpkin moans and fake blood littering the city tonight. Lofton's glorious gang, the city police, screechily brake onto the scene, the house that isn't Ty's home anymore, onto the body left as a piece of rotting meat, a lug of weight whose words held so much weight, on the ground where we all dwell. in this town, the police always arrive first, the ambulance comes later.

Ty and Tudey, the two fugitives from life, have an impromptu Halloween adventure racing to the cemetery after one quick pit stop. there is no need for artificial scares, real life has intruded. no need for daring the other to enter the haunted house, the murder has transformed their lovely home into a haunted house. through the gas, the wisps of nothing in the air, the night sky so so black, everything the world so so black, the two make it to a quiet spot at the graveyard. white ghosts fly all around the city, but in this one place, black smoke collects and blankets. Ty searches for a plot of land way on the other side of the field, not close to any other souls, any other tombstones, any pristinely-bought shiny headstones carved immaculately with names and titles, at the edge of the property gate. Ty is ceremony-conductor.

Ty: Lord, we thank you for this moment of peace to fit in our prayer. God, i do not believe, but i believe in evil, i see it with mine own eyes tonight jesus.

Tudey huddles on her knees by the empty square of brown dirt, holding in her sobs by cupping her mouth.

Ty: lord it is not raining right now. these are tears. i cry and Tudey cries, and we cry because we've lived, we've lived long enough to care, but when you care, oh jesus when you care, your blood can't help but to boil, it's been activated, and the blood needs to go somewhere. to my nigga Dry, real name withheld, not able to be known, that's how the city saw him, unknown name, unknown statistic, may you be treated somewhere else that's not here, may you know realness. may you know love. my brother, this affects us deep down, you we heart, our heart is slain, forever crumbling, we cry forever, tattoo tears 4eva, you out, you outta da game, but we never out. i'm fucking fed up. but i am fed with blood. things change now, but they change because i am the agent of change. there is no future, for


with that, Ty takes a pause. then he tears the brown-paper bag holding a carafe of milk and pours the milk onto the unmarked grave with no head.


Monday, October 13, 2014


this one goes out to Chris Columbus, not the filmmaker, the other guy, the one who discovered that huge chunk of land everyone thought wasn't there after those other guys did, you were my main man for many years, nowadays you're increasingly becoming a controversial, polarizing figure, folks don't know if we should be celebrating you anymore, but at least for now, you're still giving us that day off of school and work, so if only for that i am eternally grateful. i don't work.

colors symbolize different things to different folks. from your life, tell us about an idea, object, or experience related to each of the colors of the spectrum:

1. red: the color of courage, fierceness, fire, boldness, of going out on Sunday (when you're in the lead) and dominating the field on the links, not letting any fucking sand from any fucking sand trap get in your shorts. well it used to. nowadays i find myself increasingly drinking Jack Nicklaus lemonade-iced tea mix.

2. orange: i have a special affinity with orange, it's always the best flavor of anything, whether we're talking about candy or soda or Doritos. the simple joy of peeling an orange with your hands, breathing in the natural toxic fumes, and letting its juice fall on your lips is what being human is all about. i eat oranges in bed, that's what all the stains on my sheets are.

3. yellow: the color of snow.

4. green: the color of money, of which i have none. also the color of luck, of which i have none. i held a four-leaf clover betwixt my thumb and index finger once, but wind came out of me and blew one of the leaves away.

5. blue: i am always blue. i constantly feel small. oh, i get it now, i'm a Smurf, that's why i have such a hard time every morning reaching the keyboard on the computer desk.

6. violet: i have a distrustful relationship with violet cos it sounds like violent. i just can't bring myself to embrace violet. i like grapes fine, but i'm scared of the entire purple spectrum in general. purple is dark and mysterious, it's the color of royalty, of authority, of not being in control of your own life, of relinquishing power, of not owning your agency. also when i was a kid trying to enjoy my first cheeseburger at McDonald's, Grimace busted through the doors and swiped my fries. he had just gotten fired but i didn't know that, i was just a kid. i still look over my shoulder before i eat fries.

bonus: what is the color of sex? the same as the color of cum and the color of the universe itself, both life-giving entities: a kind of creamy, off-white cosmic latte.



Friday, October 10, 2014



NOTE!!!!!: this Off The Air episode is 11 or so minutes long. i know the media player says it's 5 minutes long, but just wait until the end of the first 5 minutes and the next 5 minutes will come on. don't want you missing any of the follicle fantasticness.

thank you, Juli, for the pic! *)

happy halloween