TMIT: NOTCH, NATCH

1. have you or do you keep track of all the number of fine women you've been with? yo, i count the honeys with my pinkies, ya feel me? i put the number in my hed right between the meaning of life and my Pac Man high scores.

2. to get specific, how many people have you a) slept with? b) kissed in a romantic way? c) given oral to? d) received oral from? e) etc.

a) not counting me, 37...thousand
b) i kissed my boss in a non-romantic way, purely to get ahead in the workforce, he was a guy but i enjoyed it, does that count? i was trying to break my own personal glass ceiling made of Flintstones stone.
c) i gave oral to my hanging plant...no, that's just the code word we have with each other for watering...with water, not pee...come on, man, i'm not like that!
d) Mickey Mouse...it was an especially hot day in the Magic Kingdom...we were bored...talking 'bout the strip club The Magic Kingdom...Mickey can be a girl's name...

3. what is the most amount of people you've been with at one time: twosome, threesome, foursome? if you're just boring and are with your one true love, just her, in a bed of silk satin and a Snoopy plush, here's a trick: call it a TWOSOME, that somehow makes it seem more and naughtier...

4. have you ever entertained multiple partners at numerous times in the day, a babe for breaky, a woman of the night for afternoon delight, and a real woman for din-din? of course, that's three hots and a cot right there. Cot is the name of my fourth, she's a swell gal i cruise around with late at night, i go all Tokyo Drift with my souped-up light-blue car with the fins tryin' to impress her, tryin' to make her my steady, using only my lips i grab a cig from the cig carton that's rolled into my left white t-shirt short sleeve. yeah, so y'know, at 2AM there's not much open, Chipotle gives me the bleeding South Park runs so we always settle for Taco Bell for fourth meal...nothin' like chomping down on some bottom-of-the-pile stale churro chips coated with hard sugar in a greasy bag, so hard to bite down on that my permanent gold tooth pops out, that's hardcore, man, that's some gangsta shit.

bonus: describe your most exhilarating multiple-person encounter, either an experience you really went through or one you aspire to enjoy: this is what i want to happen someday: all of the TMITers at my McMansion Tuesday night---of course it's gotta be Tuesday, right?! wink wink---for an orgy, but it has to be between the hours of 9PM and 9:15PM, that's my only free time, i'm watching my DVRed soaps the other times. it's okay, i can cum quickly, so it'll still be rad.

CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY

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2013 PREAKNESS GAME, ANYONE CAN PLAY!!!

with a convoluted name like InfieldFest, it has to be good. you all know the deal, folks, oh these blog games will be the death of me. the Preakness is tomorrow: predict the winner of this most rowdy of races, the Alcohol Jewel in the Triple Crown, the Jelly Jewel, as in you're jelly that you're not at the party, the Frat Race, the Preakness. the winner of this blog game is obviously the one who correctly predicts the actual winner tomorrow.

CLICK HERE FOR THE CONTENDERS LIST. CHOOSE YOUR HORSE FROM AMONGST THOSE ON THE LIST. COOL, HUH?

play by typing your guess in the comments, use my entry down below there as a guide. simple, right? and fun.

because i have so rudely activated comment-moderation at my blog---btw if i didn't, this place would be constantly bombarded with spam---there is the possibility that two of you will choose the same horse. it's okay, i promise, nuclear winter came last week, it's time to come together and be happy, the Election is over, time to stop wasting your life on politics messageboards and taste the sunshine. the prize can be equally divided amongst all winners like King Solomon and cutting the baby in half. the prize is...yep...yep...you guessed it...3 comments from my racked, tired, imaginative though curious, human yet alien brain, from my fingers to your blog...if that sounded dirty, it was supposed to.

good luck and i do appreciate all that do play, i really do, it's no fun if no one plays. i'll see you sometime after the race tomorrow---or maybe Sunday or i don't know next week at the latest, my May schedule is insane---for the results. i love you my babies, i love each and every one of you. kegger!

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SSS: WEDNESDAY'S CHILD

*CLICKY CLICKY*

click above to finally realize it's all over.






Wednesday's child is full of woe,
i found out this morning i was born on Wednesday,
what a terrible thing to know.

this feeling is different from the other depressives,
it's one that has soaked in it for so long
that the energy needed to be depressed is resigned.

[pan pipes]

the last of my cyber friends needs a break,
my imaginary friends and playthings are on strike,
better pay for better imaginings
of how my life should have played.

i forgot whether or not my grandparents had died,
it appears that they have,
old people tell it like it is,
'cause they just don't give a fuck anymore, like me.

i can't push the button anymore,
it just leads to more pain,
my youtube smirk betrays my inner deception,
i really am sad,
but i haven't acted in ages.

my brain is so right-brain the creativity starts to dilute
into other things i've seen along the way,
am i really that creative?
i hide out and pretend i don't see others' art,
i must hold onto something unique.

[sitar]

in an endless cycle, endless loop
of what i am and what i should be doing,
if i give up one thing, i betray the other,
if i stop to think, i stop thinking.

i am a Wednesday's child,
this is the diagnosis,
the prognosis, as the child poem states,
is full of woe.
this was decided long before birth,
it's not an accident that it rained when i was born,
will it rain when i die?
like Layne?
i love the rain.

what a shitty thing,
CLICK HERE FOR THE TRUTH
at least this moves me, i can still move,
CLICK HERE TO SWING

[pan flute]

this is bad, so so bad
this is sad, so so sad
i'm fighting fate,
dad

[sitar]

man, i can't do this anymore




CLICK HERE FOR THE RULES. IF YOU WANT TO PLAY, PLEASE ADD YOUR ENTRY TO THE LINKY TOOL BELOW:

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TMIT: GAWD

24 is coming back! Jack is back...to kick someone's ass...maybe his own 'cause all the terrorists died long ago. i can't wait, i've been on a fucking binge-hangover-depression-withdrawal state ever since the show ended and that movie was promised and now it seems that the film is dead. i need my adrenaline fix, i hate politics, but i adore political thrillers. it might just be a few episodes, but that's okay, would have liked that movie, but i understand, Jack, pump me up now, it's long overdue, i still loved you in Melancholia, i understood and related to your character there deeply.

those first-kiss pics above are so Chemical Brothers "Swoon" music video, huh?

i'm so busy right now i turned into my cat during the night.

1. answer yes or no:

* i regret my first kiss: first kiss? what's that?
* i miss my first love: yes, and that is why i blog...
* i married my first love: i wish...wait, what's marriage again?
* i love somebody that didn't love me: without this on Earth, folks, there would be no music.

2. are you monogamous, polyamorous, or other? other. explanation: i have this weird thing for wizards with long flowing grey beards...

3. your partner wants to fuck and cum but you're tired from all of the May messageboards you have to scan and the tv-show reviews you have to do. you:

* snore
* barter like in medieval times
* that would never happen!

barter, i'm always willing to do anything that resembles medieval times, i have a special kinship with that time period. i know i always play around on my TMITs, but i'm being dead serious here, folks, i do believe i am now in 2013 the reincarnation of someone who lived in the Middle Ages, i love too much all of that sword and sorcery, knights, damsels in distress, dragons, moats, castles, chainmail, chastity belts, and horses, i take that stuff seriously, it's not just play. Dungeons and Dragons is a spirit journey for me, not a game. that movie with Cary Elwes as Robin Hood was eye-opening, not comedic, i wore tights from then on. when i went to a Medieval Times Dinner Theatre, i took the hand of one of the lovely wenches there, kissed it, kissed her on the cheek, on the cheek, not the mouth, no tongue, i am a Knight Templar Gentleman, and hugged her, wished her a Happy Mother's Day, for she is my Spirit Mother, my madre from times long ago in history, my reincarnated moms. she smiled at me and called the cops, the, uh, King's Guard.

4. does your partner mind if you masturbate in front of them while the two of you are in the same bed? i tell her to close her eyes because she faints at the sight of cum, it's like me with blood, i could never be an EMT. one time i told her to close her eyes and open her mouth and stick out her tongue, but she called the cops...the, uh, King's Guard.

5. describe your typical sexual romp:

* playful/tame
* outfit/toys
* i love to try new things and shock my partner.

i'm always in the shocking game, i tried to shock my partner one time with an electrical buzzer, y'know, the kind during the '50s you would get in a box of crackerjack? she admonished me for being obsolete, she told me to stop living in the past, she plucked the nostalgia arrows from out of my neck, then she called the cops. the cops liked my buzzer, they put it underneath my butt on a chair when i wasn't looking, my asshole is still red from all the current contact pressure. the cops just laughed and laughed...i had to laugh, too, it beats going to jail, right?...though in jail it's the same type of thing...violation of one's butthole.

bonus: what was your best-ever masturbation experience? why so? explain: it was the last time i did it this morning 'cause i knew it would really be the last time. my laundry bill is getting too high, i can't afford to jack anymore, though i love that 24 Jack is back. as you can see from the pic above, my mattress is filthy, it's gonna need a fumigation. i am simply too poor to masturbate anymore.

CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY

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CRAZE-AMAZE

HOW ARE WE ALL? STILL ALIVE? CLICK HERE AT THIS LINK

gah, she's so damn cute, though, huh?

my friends, only ONE question for you today that urgently needs answering: what is the one computer- or internet-related word that's big in pop culture right now that for whatever reason---overexposure, misuse, misinterpretation, or you're high---you just fucking hate?

have a succulent, chipocray weekend...

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SSS: HOLLOWED-OUT REASON

*CLICKY CLICKY*

click above for the #3 of 4 skin pic...BUTT it is always your choice.

SSS is becoming Scintillating Songs from my best-Selling album.

satellite,
calm me down,
nothing else on this Rock will,
everyone broke my will.

precepts learned
long ago
always fall upon first contact
with another's human facts.

what was i thinking?
didn't i fucking learn before?
did i think this time it'd be different?!
oh man, fuck,
what is this poet for?!

loner room,
comfort me,
this is the last resort,
no money for actual vacation resorts
'cept the DNA vacation in my head.

*in a screamo voice:*
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WHAT WAS I FUCKING THINKING?
WHAT WAS I FUCKING THINKING?
WHAT WAS I FUCKING THINKING?!
DESIRING A DIFFERENT RESULT,
THAT'S THE VERY DEFINITION OF INSANITY.
OOOOOOOHHHHHH OOOOOOHHHHHH
OH OH OH OH OH
*bring it down, calmer voice:* oh oh oh oh oh

[that transcendental guitar solo followed by the bridge]

hollow moon,
lead me away.
fiery sun,
lead me astray
into your firehole gladly,
my waxy wings are sappy,
and now i join the rest of space,
the universe has another source of heat,
my body serves as adrenaline for stars,
free energy, energy is free.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
what was i fucking thinking?
why was i fucking thinking?
only geniuses have permission to think,
people like me can only accept,
rich philosophers have the luxury,
i need to make my next dollar.
oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh


oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh
aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh hoh oh
oh oh oh.....................

[lead guitar holds the last transcendental note...holding it...the note starts to fade in volume...until...quiet]




CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK FOR MUSIC, SHAPES, AND COLORS. IF I HAD LEARNED SCIENCE THIS WAY, I'D BE A DOCTOR NOW, NOT A BLOGGER.



CLICK HERE FOR THE RULES. IF YOU WANT TO PLAY, PLEASE ADD YOUR ENTRY TO THE LINKY TOOL BELOW:

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TMIT: CURSE OF THE GIRLFRIENDLESS

1. my favorite place to masturbate is________: it's a tie between outside and all over.

2. have you ever masturbated in public? what were the circumstances? once on a trolley and once in a supermarket for this underground indie porn site. still waiting for the 45 bucks promised.

3. do you like mutual masturbation? why? yes, it makes me think she is comfortable around me, that she likes me for more than my body's penis. see, we talk Heidegger's Being And Time while i choke the chicken and she jills off...it all goes back to Time...i take 3 minutes to finish, she takes longer.

4. when was the last time you masturbated? i've been a good boy, a couple of the monks came for a home visit so i had to be on my best behavior...wait, a couple of monks came for a visit...i swear i didn't mean to type that!

5. have you ever masturbated on camera? strangely no...don't know why that is strange to me exactly, that in itself is strange...want some strange? this stuff goes great with purple drank...

6. do you like to watch people masturbate? that's...like...um...porn, right? so...

bonus: have you ever filmed yourself masturbating? would you care to share such a film via a link? absolutely, just send $45.00 to my Swiss paypal account and it's as good as yours! yeah, see, i'm still under contract with the damn company.

HEY GUYS, online friends out there, wisps, i really want a girlfriend, any advice?

CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY

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KENTUCKY DERBY GAME: ANYONE CAN PLAY!!!

HORSIES!!! HORSIES TIME!!!

FIRST, MY EXCITED CAROUSEL ENTHUSIASTS, CLICK HERE FOR THE LIST OF HORSES COMPETING TOMORROW.

choose one of the pack there as your winner of the Kentucky Derby tomorrow. the blog-game winner is the one who picks the actual winning horse. because of the comment moderation, there will probably be two people choosing the same horse, that's okay, relax, it's all in fun, just split the profits evenly and remain friends, this is just a game, not nuclear winter. also, breaking news: Black Onyx has been scratched, so don't choose Black Onyx. the profits in this case are the usual 3 comments from me at your blog, that's the prized prize from this whole competition. good luck, and i'll see you guys tomorrow. i'm going with Orb, let's see if i can finally get a chalk win here, morning-line favorites have not fared well in this race. Orb...that was some great music back in the day...

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SSS: MY VOLCANIC MOOD

*CLICKY CLICKY*

click above on the cute mud-volcano surfers about to buy some ice pops at the stand over there before doing the deed for #2 of 4.

i was gonna give up,
i'm simply a pussy in search of pussy,
but a British babe pulled me from the brink,
and to her i think i think:

thank you to those who help out folks,
they are the ones who make life flow,
without another, i'm a dead bloke,
yeah, yeah, yeah

my mood as mercurial as Mercury,
as lonely and wondrous as the Moon,
time to fly directly into the sun
and i'm done:

thank you to those who help out folks,
they are the ones who make life flow,
without another, i'm a dead bloke,
yeah yeah yeah

[bridge..........guitar solo]

sadness is forever,
but you can still surf a mud volcano
alone, but it's better than nothing.
then you click on to your online friends,
the only friends you'll ever have,
the only friends you'll ever need,
they know you and you know them
this is the end, no it's not,
they help you decide,
no life-altering decision too big,
they know your plans,
they took the pic of you at the mud volcano:

thank you to those who help out folks,
they are the ones who make life flow,
without another, i'm a dead bloke,
yeah yeah yeah

thank you to those who help out folks,
they are the ones who make life flow,
without another, i'm a dead bloke,
yeah yeah yeah

i said yeah, yeah, yeah.................................................

[cymbals crashing into a slow denouement of the bass-guitar tones and finally the first lead guitar's last chord fades out while the second lead guitar still has some dribbling notes to perform]



AND NOW, CLICK HERE FOR A WAY BETTER SONG AND VIDEO



CLICK HERE FOR THE RULES. IF YOU WANT TO PLAY, PLEASE ADD YOUR ENTRY TO THE LINKY TOOL BELOW. I'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH LONGER SSS WILL LAST, JUST A HEADS-UP:

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TMIT: WHERE IN THE WORLD IS CARMEN SANDIEGO?

when i was a lad, i wanted to fuck Carmen Sandiego. imagine that. sure, the game and the game show helped me solve mysteries better, helped me become a more astute world-traveler, but most of all, it was about her, it was all about Carmen, she helped me become a virile man.

1. did you ever find someone else's stash of sex toys, lube, etc? yes, my mom's, and that is why i blog...

2. did you ever search someone else's computer to determine their porn habits? were you ever the subject of such a search? i consider that the ultimate invasion of privacy, i mean you might as well just kill the guy while you're at it, the embarrassment will last a lifetime. besides, i'd rather not know that my best friend likes to look at pictures of naked lawn gnomes on the internet. that's why he kept insisting that i get him lawn gnomes for Christmas, i just thought he liked that travel commercial. as for me, i have no friends, so i don't have to worry about being searched. the gnome guy and i broke up.

3. did you ever investigate to see if two people were getting it on? just as long as it's not Mom and that burly dude from the garage, i'm cool as ice...

4. did you ever look for naughty pictures on someone else's phone? yes, i was being a horndog, quickly checked this babe's phone to see if there was any skin, i'd even take bikini selfies, i mean, whatever, but i found a picture of me in her inbox, a picture of me naked...wait, when was this picture of me taken? i don't remember this! Liz, what's up with this? where is this, i don't recognize the rocks or the crashing waves...Liz?

Liz zooms into the sky in her spaceship.

i have a permanent probe-hole on each of my two butt cheeks.

5. were you ever involved in an investigation, formal or informal, over whether someone was cheating in your relationship? i don't like to show my face, but if you watch "Cheaters" Episode #1256, season 4, it's about me and my lover Liz. we hit it off at first, i didn't mind her green skin, but things got rocky when i experienced a space of two weeks of missing time. Liz was cold and aloof after that period...

bonus: do you have a secret online identity so you can find a secret lover? uh, hello, of course, that's the entire reason for this blog, which has about a month left. thus, i've failed in said quest for love. y'know, she doesn't have to be a secret lover. one glorious day, the two of us will race out into the open sun and declare ourselves non-anonymous, real flesh people.

CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY

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