"it must be the tryptophan" i implored my guardian. he was my guardian so he'd know the answers. "no," he replied, "this is indie theatre". "with an "re"?," i asked innocently. "yes, that's what it's about," he mentioned, "with an ie, otherwise we'd be an Indianapolis Colt." i wide-opened my anime eyes and beheld the art and started to water. too much cider. "this is so lovely," i stammered, "i've never seen such freedom." "you're not seeing it," he learned me, "you're feeling it." "am i trippin' on tryptophan?," said i, "this can't be real." "yes and no," is the learned reply, "yes cos it's in the name, no cos those two things can exist at once." "leave me here, " i explored, "i want to pursue my calling. i hereby relieve you of your guardianship." "you do need to relieve, " he smiled, "but that's not how it works. today is a gigantic shopping day, today is not like other days and shopping days, today is for giants, for gigantics, do you want me to buy you a tv with a screen so gigantic it doesn't fit into the Earth?" "no," i boomed, "that's bad for the environment. happy weekend, go on and gorge yourself. i'm fulfilled by my little itty bitty self on this hard wooden chair that's two sizes too small. the uncomfortableness allows me not to fall asleep, to keep my senses sharp so i can overanalyze what i see later. these are my people, this is my troupe, i finally belong. i want to be an indie actor one day, i want to perform in front of a man and his guardian in an empty theater, i want the audience to feel uncomfortable. when they don't know when to clap, when they laugh only nervously, i know i have done my job. art for art's sake is the greatest Christmas miracle of all. go on, i have my tv right here in front of me. i don't need a plug."
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