Monday, March 20, 2017


Billy Corgan is my Babyman Crush Eternal

1. what did you do with your very first paycheck? yacht

2. besides paying recurring bills, what did you do with your last paycheck? the banks don't trust me around money. i have a stipend. Michael Stipe comes over to the house every Tuesday afternoon for a welfare check. he brings buns and beads. he has a lot of time on his hands since R.E.M. disbanded and there's only so much spiritualing you can do. i'm a trust-fund kid. the banks don't trust me with their funds.

3. there is only one brick 'n mortar store allowed to remain within 200 miles of your home. what type of store would you want this to be? or specific brand. that's a bad law. probably a hip record store. notice i said hip, not hipster. or better yet a Borders. remember Borders? i met my first NIN-loving goth gilf at Borders. for a few years there Borders was everything. Borders was the future. i was seriously considering joining Team Borders. my first team. my first real job. i would work at Borders till i was old and gray, then i'd be worthy of the gilf. by the end of the year the entire behemoth leviathan Borders empire went out of business. right around Christmas time, perfect. you should have seen the size of the twelve-wheel semi truck that came to our little rinkydink cavernous chapter of a store. a neverending cascading waterfall of books, music, and crusty croissants cleared out, liquidated, and bathroomed.

4. you are only allowed and able to access one website for an entire year. which website do you choose to be your one and only? one and only, very Pumpkinsesque. they've already gotten hacked so they won't get hacked again. and the CEO is a milf.

5. what makes you cringe---in life, at work, in the bedroom? the word "cringe". cringe used to be a cool word but it got appropriated by the millennials. now whenever i see


in a youtube comments section, i cringe.

6. what can you do better---in life, at work, in the bedroom? attend to her needs, not just my selfish, slimy, greedy, wanton needs. like go on a romantic train ride before the train.

bonus: if you could be anywhere right now, where would that be? in a log cabin. underwater. air-tight. so no sound can get it. peace and quiet. i can finally catch up on my backlog. so much to pore over. '80s Stephen King books. '80s mech anime. not-'90s comic books. i'm so behind. Sasha Grey quit porn? Sesame Street has an autistic puppet? Voltron: Legendary Defender? i need to move on. there are three titles left in my netflix queue: Blue Is the Warmest Colour and the Tim Heidecker cinema verite and the Neil Hamburger western hero's journey. thank you Tim for being an angel of mercy. these are the only three films i want to see before i die. i mailed the two discs today finally after two years. i have to come to grips with the fact that i just don't care anymore about How to Train Your Dragon and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. the sex was wonky and the violence was weird. the remake i'm talking about, the original Swedish version was good.



Jules said...

Crusty croissants: If only Borders had realised that this could have been their new vision. Or… was that the name of your gilf? *)

the late phoenix said...

the subconscious works in mysterious ways mah dahlin *)

Jenny Baranick said...

A yacht? Me too!

the late phoenix said...

not a wise investment. the "I'm on a boat" SNL thing was the hot fad at the time