Monday, December 12, 2016


1. have you ever tested someone's love for you? what did you do? did things turn out as you expected or hoped? with all the Homecoming hype these days, i thought i'd pay a visit to Tobey Maguire to see how he's holding up. i wore my red suit and took my love with me:

Phoenix: hey man, how do you capitalize, punctuate and word out Spider-Man?
Tobey: Spiderman. does it matter? hell no. fuck that. real talk.
Phoenix: what do you think of Tom Holland?
Tobey: fuck that guy. foreigner pipsqueak can't hold my jock. i was the original. the OG.
Phoenix: how is your life going?
Tobey: man get outta here! Hollywood won't hire me anymore cos of my fucking face. i mean shit.

my love became Tobey's next ex-wife. can't blame her. spending just five minutes in the presence of Tobey Maguire and you see what Leo sees in him. Tobey doesn't give a fuck and that's attractive.

2. select the answer that best fits your experience. i have dated:
a) all the wrong people
b) romantic companions who were mostly a good fit for me
c) people that were perfect fits---loves at first sight
d) not all that much, mostly many long-term relationships

i have had many long-term relationships with the voices in my head. i want to break up but they won't let me.

3. online dating: what is your success rate? what do you consider success? zero percent. but remember, the internet was created for porn, not love. what do i consider a success? a poke. either meaning.

4. what sexual thing you do most often could you commit to doing everyday? masturbation is a curse...

5. what are your thoughts on love and lust? both are diseases but as Shakespeare put it o to be in the thrall of the lovesickness or something like that.

bonus: are you searching for love or are you searching for attention? i have a blog.



Jules said...

The voices in your head are all coming from Tobey Maguire. It’s a whole web of psychology 101 which forces you to masturbate to Shakespearean sonnets. As The J to Romeo I know this to be truer than a real poke. *)

the late phoenix said...

juli mah dahlin: i actually first said "other voices" as if just having one voice in my head was okay, heehee. i mean i guess everyone has their one voice that they use to think in their head. but normally that voice doesn't introduce himself to you as Lorenzo Music the voice of Garfield.

not many people know that Shakespeare was the first man to masturbate in a glen.