Monday, February 13, 2017


1. are you "in love" with or simply compatible with your SO? (Russian) studies show that the "being in love" period usually only lasts about six months. love, compatibility, it doesn't matter. it's about finding that special someone at a run-down dive with bad lighting who you go "now here is someone i can quit blogging for."

2. do you solve problems with your SO or are you the only real problem-solver? CLICK HERE AND WATCH THIS SHOW SOBER

3. if you live with your SO do you do an equal amount of chores as your SO? do you divvy the workload up evenly to avoid resentment? in the old days i'd wash and she'd dry and that's how we'd keep the relationship going. now with all this modern tech it's impossible to find love. fuck you, Kenmore!

4. is your relationship meaningful to you for companionship or is it personally fulfilling? i'm in the game for survival. i choose mates strictly for food and a house. room and board. and burgers. i don't care if you're Doris Kearns Goodwin if you don't like Bob's Burgers i'm out.

5. in general do people regard you as a couple rather than an individual? have you lost your identity since falling into a serious romantic relationship? oh is that what happens? i better stay single then. yeah i'll just be alone like what do you do about the loneliness?...

BONUS: you are invited to a large cocktail party at a fancy country club where you know no one. when you arrive, the room where the party is being held is already half-full of people---naked people. how do you react when you enter the room? that's a Tuesday where i'm from



Jenny Baranick said...

Kenmore ruined everything!

the late phoenix said...

Jenny: I know, right? I'm sticking with Maytag. the Maytag repairman is lonely like me