Monday, October 3, 2016


1. you want to make love but your partner says they're too tired. your reaction? a) annoyed/frustrated b) bummer but you can relate c) awkward long hug and the waiting game d) paranoia seeps in, maybe your partner is cheating or thinks you're ugly

i can wait. i've waited my whole life. i can wait my whole afterlife...besides i gotta catch up on Stranger Things, Mr. Robot, and Wicket Goes Fishing.

2. who is having better sex, you or your best friends? a) obviously moi b) we don't talk about such things c) comparison is the thief of joy d) my friends are having all the good sex, i can't keep up

me: you gettin' down?
best friend forever: yes. remember last night?
me: that was you?

3. how do you feel right after sex? a) gross b) ready to take on the world c) drowsy d) a bit let down and tired


4. which is better, being a man or a woman? a) men have it easier b) women have it easier c) having too much fun being me to think about it d) is there really a difference?

i'm a motherfucking starboy

5. you and your partner have just had sex that, well, wasn't that good. you: a) everyone has a bad day, even Federer and Rod Serling b) drop hints that things better improve on a sticky note in their thermos cup c) consider breaking up, sex is the glue d) discuss immediately and brainstorm

there is no such thing as bad sex, only bad pizza. Mario's Pizza tastes like glue. i mean he is a plumber after all...

6. what advice do you wish you had when you started having sex? a) sex is healthy b) private parts as hot erogenous zones, not cold biology c) protect your body from STDs and pregnancy or it won't be much fun d) enjoy it while you can cos it gets worse as you get older


bonus: what will your sex life be like when you're 70 years old? a) wrinkly b) sparse c) my years of hard-won, wine-fueled wisdom will pay off with some septuagenarian sex




Jules said...

Haha! The pizza reference! Love Brighton’s oldest raver. Classic. Now that’s the way to feel! *)

the late phoenix said...

and they said rave was dead *)