* they played this on my first day of rehab.
* crumby, not crummy
* yumpire: the second meaning
* i'm eating a Banquet as i type. frozen french fries, frozen pool of cheese with a frozen burger patty in the middle. strangely no bun.
* cookie thirst or milk hunger, you're screwed either way.
* it's easier to bake cookies, but it's lonelier.
* that's why i never open my mail.
* Bacob: he'll eat all your cookies.
Belly: that's why i love him.
* never eat another man's cookies.
* Shortbreadward: i get my exercise when the strange man's hands unhinge my jaw in the morning.
* Shortbreadward: if only the strange man had put wings on my back when his hand was on my bottom this morning.
* Bacob: you're not supposed to jump down the waterfall. you're supposed to stay on top of the waterfall in an impossible one-armed handstand and yoga the rest of the morning.
Shortbreadward: i don't like mornings.
* Belly: me or my cookies.
Shortbreadward: that is the decision all bachelors must face...
* Shortbreadward: extra chips?!!!
Bacob: yep. barbecue flavor.
* Bacob: i baked you guys a wedding cookie cake.
Shortbreadward: yeah those are Nilla wafers. nobody eats Nilla wafers. they're disgusting.
* Belly: i like Nilla wafers! how could you, Shortbreadward? the wedding's off! *she eats the wedding cake in one bite*
Bacob: she turned! how could you, Shortbreadward?
Shortbreadward: it wasn't me! it was this guy up my ass!
* "A Thousand Years" > "A Thousand Miles" > "500 Miles"
* so it's Tom Hanks and Gaga on SNL tomorrow. in case you've missed them.
CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK
howl at the moon this weekend