Monday, August 8, 2016


every four years it strikes me. a virulent virus that comes back just as i let my guard down. thinking it's finally eradicated from my system. Olympic fever. each quadrennial i say to myself THIS is the last one. the Olympics are boring. they suck. they're not what they intend to be. and every four years they suck me back in. who was it this year? Ledecky? no, though records are meant to be smashed. those long-legged volleyball players in short shorts? no. well yes but. Bob Costas? no, that guy is incredibly annoying. it was that Katy Perry video for "Rise". Katy Perry isn't my cup of tea. but parachutes are. i carry a parachute around my back at all times. just in case. stolen you say? the best art is.

Olympic pre-game learned:

* the Girl From Ipanema has had a lot of work done over the years.

* there's no dispute, Superman invented flight.

* parkour was invented by a group of bank robbers who didn't have a getaway car and decided to take the long way home...

* that samba kid had to go to the bathroom during his entire performance. but you never suspected a thing, huh? he's just that good.

* that is not the flagbearer from Tonga. that is simply a man who had a good night.

* GUGA! that man never ages. he's the Bowie of tennis. though i heard he's bald and wears a wig. truth be told the wig is starting to smell.

* walking up steps carrying a torch. no, not the lighting of the Olympic flame. this is what every soul does when they die...

* this year the losers get cooked in that Olympic cauldron. do NOT eat the food in the Athletes' Forest caf.

1. whassssssssssuuuuuuuuupppppppppppp? CLICK HERE
2. where's Waldo? in my pants
3. the best part of waking up is? creamer in my cup
4. got milk? see 3.
5. have you driven a Ford lately? Clint Eastwood scares me and he's my mayor. Joe Isuzu is my car guru. Guru Isuzu. Clint Eastwood is my chair whisperer.
6. what would you do for a Klondike bar? i would do anything for one. but i won't do that.
7. pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon? i farted in keeping with tradition.
8. do you Yahoo? pardon me but the thing is saying I've Got Mail. *fart*

bonus: is a picture worth a thousand words? elaborate. yes. but every picture since the dawn of time is either a penis or a vagina. check out the bottle pic above. cool, huh? CLICK HERE FOR JULI'S BLOG, SHE'S THE GREATEST ART PHILOSOPHER I KNOW



Jules said...

You're adorable. After a brief and horrible time away I come back here first and you're singing my art praises. Made me smile and made my day. I made it to the bonus. I am a bonus. My art is a bonus. No wonder you have Waldo in your pants *)

the late phoenix said...

just trying to do my part for the war effort. i hear JK Rowling has a new book out............not that i'd know anything about it, i tend to wait for the movies..............but i REFUSE to watch the new film unless Ricky Gervais is cast as adult Harry Potter *)