Monday, August 1, 2016


1. is oral sex cheating on your partner? nah, i was always taught to talk things out.
2. what is cheating to you? steak. i became a vegan to get yoga moms but i'm so fucking hungry.
3. does your partner know you masturbate? what do they think about that? they're jealous.
4. think of the best sex you ever had. what makes it so? Picard. Picard making it so.....................i fucked Crusher..............i have a weakness for gingers................please don't tell Wesley.
5. when you have nightmares, do you call out someone's name? Beetlejuice. only twice though.
6. when you're having an orgasm, do you scream a name? whilst in the throes of an orgasm, you tend to lose yourself. that's when i screamed out the third Beetlejuice. OMG what have i wrought?!! i just witnessed the strangest man i've ever seen: Alec Baldwin was a nerd.

bonus: which best fits your usual reason for masturbating?
a: boredom: if i'm that bored i'd be too bored to masturbate.
b: stress relief: i don't have stress, i am stress.
c: saw someone/something sexy and you need to act out a sexual fantasy: this only happened to me once. i looked up in the sky. at that moment i got a deep uncontrollable urge to be Superman. i spent the rest of the day in a phone booth...
d: it's just what i do: worked for Nixon



Jules said...

You cheated on your vegetable medley? Even when it came with white sauce......? *)

Jules said...

You cheated on your vegetable medley? Even when it came with a béchamel white sauce......? *)

the late phoenix said...

you make it sound so appetizing when presented as a medley, my sweet. medley, like the Olympic IM Individual Medley. strong, full of ideal and nutrition *)