* kid: i'm scared of the tornado!
mother: sorry, babe, the shelter only has room for one more and you know how crazy grandma is. you'll be fine. just like The Wizard of Oz.
* mom and daughter get in a car crash.
mom: you okay, daughter?
daughter: yeah. but does this mean we skip McDonald's after volleyball practice?
mom: i'm afraid so, my arm is hurting.
daughter: what? NO!!! I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO MCDONALD'S ALL WEEK! I WANT MY MCDONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLD'S!!!
* kid: i'm scared of being stuck in an elevator!
the kid's mother through the blinking light slowly turns into Juan Martin del Potro.
* kid: i'm scared of riding a plane through a storm!
mom: just a little turbulence, son. not like when i divorced your father, that was a lot of turbulence.
* mom: stop bullying my son, you pieces of shit! hey you, i know your mother! she's the town slut! she fucked my husband!
* streetwise punk: hey babe. where you going?..........................no not you, i was talking to the milf.
* diver son: i can't do this anymore. hello? i'd like to make a collect call, i'm very distraught.
operator: will you accept this collect call, ma'am?
mom: no. can't afford it. we'd lose the house.
operator: it's your son, ma'am.
operator:............................................i'm gonna go ahead and connect you.
diver son: i can't do this anymore.
mom: son, i know in my heart you can. don't call collect anymore, i already have a weak heart.
* diver son pats his heart. hereditary.
* mom: son, are you naked under that flag?
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happy weekend. HAPPY OLYMPICS!!!