Monday, April 15, 2013

TMIT: POBRE CITO





1. have you ever considered yourself completely sexually satisfied? once, but i am too far gone now to feel it again, to reminisce over the feelings. i am already living in my heavenly McMansion far in the clouds, the green countryside hides my exact location, see PIC 1 from the top there. i ride my white hornless unicorn once in the morning, then an afternoon stroll, before retiring for steaks and shakes at midnight. the only image i can collate from that magical satisfied night is of me in a unicorn suit twerking it like Miley did, with my lover on one side of the bed and ten filled-up orange-peel husks on the other. we decided we would do the fresh-squeezing ourselves, the orange juice tasted slightly bitter, slightly sweet, slightly cummy. now whenever i drink OJ...or more so an Orange Julius...

2. what was the last sexy photo you took? well i do have this meme of mine called SSS...

3. what was the last sexy pic you took AND sexted? what was it of and to whom was it sent and why? it was of my double-penis, sent it to NASA for further scientific study, hoping to get it in the next published journal.

4. how is your sex life? wet blanket, warm cozy comforter, heated-up electric blanket, OR none 'cause i sleep without covers?: imagine having to actually sleep with a wet blanket over you. i do, that's why i send my 5 cents every day, mail it out through Charity to the less-fortunate. cozy comforter sounds nice right about now, my beanie tore. whenever i think about an electric blanket, my thoughts turn toward that masterpiece of a little indie film My Dinner With Andre, my god what an elucidating conversation! i can't sleep without covers, i'd get too cold, my heart is already cold enough. yeah, so as you can see, i'm trying to skirt the issue of my nonexistent sex life.

5. what's your idea of good foreplay? responding to my youtube comments, that gets me so fucking hot.  if you want me, i haven't the faintest why you would, but if you do, the quickest way to my heart is not through my stomach but through my keyboard. email chatting works, too, and pizza.

bonus: can you have a great, long-lasting sex life with just one partner? how? i'm sure it works on tv and the movies and stuff, but for me personally, i'm not sure i could. i get bored easily, i'm a victim of the 11-minute attention-span of our computer youth, so i'd just move on to the next game when i finished the Last Boss, ya feel me? when things started to get rough, when the fireballs would start shooting our way, i'd race to the nearest reality-altering Mushroom and bail, jump a few times to clear the Pipe Hurdle and run as fast as my little plumber feet could take me. yes, i'm still single, why do you ask? wanna play some video games with me? i've got time...

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9 comments:

Juliette said...

You had me at unicorn. Even if it hasn't got a horn ;)

1- There's always room for improvement. Satisfaction isn't as good as mind blowing.

2- I take many. I'm into my photography and I like body art.

3- I sent one to Stephen Fry in the hope he'd see me as too decadent to decline and do an about turn. It was an epic fail.

4 - It has the potential to be epic and unprintable. That's twice I've used the word epic.

5-I'm kind of with you on this one. The seduction of the mind is the greatest turn on. It's where it must start.

Bonus: I'm kind of with you on this one (that's twice I've said that too) It needs to be constantly updated, fought for, challenged and fuelled to be given permanent sustenance and power. Or fuck it, I'll just watch a film.

the late phoenix said...

Juli, please PLEASE email me some of your photography and body art...PLEASE!...that would be so epic...

Chastity Darling said...

Too funny! I love that wet blanket pic, that one made me giggle.

AtiyaLuv said...

bendito nene
probecito :)))
lets communicate while having some pizza under the blanket

muchos besos!!

Aluv

the late phoenix said...

Chastity: bless the artist of that pic, it's all kinds of awesome

Atiya: ha! yeah, I was called Pobre Cito all throughout my childhood whenever I complained too much...as a matter of fact, I still get called Pobre Cito when I Internet-complain...

Missed Periods said...

Hornless unicorns are so rare!

the late phoenix said...

Jenny: don't you dare call him a horse!

Juliette said...

But that would ruin my integrity and my mysterious allure....

the late phoenix said...

Juli: integrity and mystery are overrated, love and romance are all that matter. In truth, I'm really just angling for your email address ;)