AN OPEN BOOK
if your life were a book, what would the 5 chapters or parts be titled?
chapter 1: THE BEGINNING OF THE END: the birth, Year Zero, the realization that i can't escape the precious warmth of the womb, it's a one-way trip, i can't crawl and struggle my way back, i'm here, i'm straight, get used to it, i look this way, i can't take that back, i never wanted to live, especially life on this doomed marble, but it is what it is as Clinton would say, i am born a human, this human, no takesy-backsies, i wasn't born a Nordic alien, or a Grey alien, or even the lower-rung green aliens with the bulging bug eyes who capture and experiment on Steven Spielberg's scripts and cows, it seems i have to live, i'm breathing, and once you breathe and continue breathing, your heart carries forward though your will does not. i am goth, i have no soul, i have sold my spirit for a pack of Pop Rocks, and i have ingested said Pop Rocks with Coke to see if that death rumor is true...
chapter 2: WHY I REALLY BLOG AND WHY I SHOULD HAVE NEVER STARTED: it's quite simple, i started this blog and typing frivolous thoughts in this manner and style under false pretenses. i really don't care about Fame or inventing the next solid urbandictionary word...actually, i do, but that's a parallel argument...i don't care about coming up with the next out-there story or clever saying, i really just want love, i want to find it and never return, grab it, scoop it up, order it online by height, width, and girth, savor it like it was yesterday, because it was yesterday, and retire to a monastery...not a building of seclusion, but my personal monastery of silence, where i can be alone with my thoughts forever, thinking, thinking, thinking eternally, and doing so without the next click of a keyboard. in short, i should have never signed up to blog but rather signed up for a dating service...the good one, not the one where you have to state your religion, the other one, y'know, where it's advertised on tv that 3 of 4 couples end up married...a Girlfriend Experience with Sasha Grey would be fulfilling for me...
chapter 3: THE MONASTIC FACTOR: that dovetails nicely into the monastery point: do i really want to become a monk in actuality, in flesh? or is it more of a symbolic gesture, do i seek solitude within me, do i need to move from the crowded suburbia where i dwell now and escape into a pool of silence, to conjure up the universe and all of its many already-solved godless secrets? it really comes down to one factor...two factors: there's the sex thing...but also, well, i do really love those cool robes they wear, i mean those things are pimp. i disagree with Doctor Who Saturday night, monks ARE cool, they are cool, man! they ARE cool, Space Man!
chapter 4: THE PRETENDERS: the more i blog, the more i can pretend, the more i hide behind an alias, a million aliases, a million octopi, a million screen names, a million icons. there is no real me behind the mask anymore, folks, it's a blank slate, if it were all white or all black, at least that's something, but it's blank. i am no one and everyone...that's why i'm perfect for acting. i really need to get back into it, i must start small or i'll blow my load in one sitting and end up chronically depressed again, some stupid little dinner-theatre thing to get my feet wet again, that's the slow-and-steady path upwards to eventual Johnny Depp.
chapter 5: IT ALL STARTED AT MY DEATH: this whole blogging project was never about sex, though i love sex, i love to cum everywhere all the time. no, it was birthed out of the purest of intentions and hopes, it was the pain of a man crushed by not first-love, but ONLY-love, and the missing woman in his life, all back inbetween visits to a monastery, at a theater class in college, meeting and falling in love, truly in love, not fake internet-meme love, true human love, feeling, compassion, life, life force, real, really real, a simple college boy and his first taste of lasting friendship, man's life, that blonde woman from the pirate drama that was 85% of our final grade.
i can still feel you, even so far away...
CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY