Monday, May 14, 2012


don't concern yourself with over-eating, i must indulge myself in all the BEST pleasures of life in order to achieve NIRVANA:

1. before dinner wine, aperitif, or cocktail: i choose the word which is COCKTAIL, can't get passed that, it's too funny to me, it's busting my gut, my drink of choice is milk, motherfucking plain white milk, i drink it 'cause it looks like cum

2. appetizer: a little nibble of your toes, my beautiful babe

3. soup: split pea on the rocks, that hot, steaming mush goes down the gullet better when it's ice-cold

4. salad: i'm a proud salad man, i eat salads, and despite what SEINFELD teaches, i am a macho man, i can hold my own at a salad bar, why, once, i fucking destroyed this dude who was hittin' on my lady, hit him in the face with a radish

5. wine or other in-dinner beverage: i love that word beverage, comes from the root TO IMBIBE. no, i have nothing here, i wait two hours after dinner to get sloshed with a box of wine alone in my apartment with my cat...i don't let my cat see me drunk, gotta keep some secrets in the relationship, y'know?

6. entree: i start off things with a ten-layer hamburger, well-done on the even patties, raw on the odd patties

7. side dishes: a nice side dish of fish oil to help lubricate my cock for later that night

8. desserts: remember the meme, right? SS in "dessert" stands for strawberry shortcake, that's how you differentiate it from the word "desert", one S, though i eat desert for dessert...never heard of sand-filled strawberry shortcake? it's to die for...literally, you will die after consumption

9. after dinner drink: you mean other than your vagina juice?

10. which three people (famous, real, could be dead, not fictional) would you invite over for dinner with you?:

* for sex appeal: Doris Kearns Goodwin, pic 3 from the bottom, you all know my little fetish by now, right? my fetish for getting regaled with stories of history, presidential history, politics, all that dry stuff which light up my ears when told by such a woman of stature as she. look at the way she throws that ball, she must have strong arms...

* for great conversation: KURT, pic 2 from the bottom, his would be the only response i would take seriously when he talks about the afterlife. i would be honored to share a pizza with this man, honored to bite down on a dough ring of true human feeling.

* because you detest them: last pic, bottom pic: YOU, or rather, ME, i would invite myself over for dinner, discuss my flaws, discuss how to fix them, argue about how i never act upon all the things i think about, reschedule...

bonus: your lover brings you breakfast in bed, what's on the tray? Trey...but seriously, i want a lover, i want a lover NOW bad




Jack and Jill said...

Ah yes, the famous "Kurt eats an entire pizza" photo. No stream of consciousness blog post about food is complete without it.

I've never had a cat but I've got to think that if I did I would have no problem letting it see me drunk off my ass. From what I know about cats, they're not about to respect me - or any human being - regardless, so why put on airs?

Ten-layer hamburger, huh? No cheese?

the late phoenix said...

jj: no, the cheese would just render the ten-layer hamburger ridiculous...

Vincent Vega said...

You had me at ten-layer cheeseburger.

the late phoenix said...

vince: ten-layer cheeseburger > hello