Monday, May 28, 2012

TMIT: IT'S ALL JUST A FANTASY...SAID THE MONK TO THE PAROLE OFFICER












1. if your lover was turned on by forced feminization, would you comply, giving or receiving? y'know, heels, a dress, the whole nine? i wish i had a lover right now...i'd do anything to please her, ANYTHING...i'd make the dress i'd have to wear if that's what it took to achieve cum all over the floor...i'd hem that dress lovingly with angel string and knit it with lucifer breath and the golden pin currently holding Doubting Thomas upright in Limbo.

2. when you have aggressive or cruel sexual dreams, does it scare you? things that scare me, in order: 3. life itself 2. my particular life 1. the crippling realization that there might not be an afterlife and thus all my emo pain was for naught. dreams, on the other hand, are an escape for me, a palliative therapy. i love going to sleep, for in my dreamscapes, i am a God free of problems, i've been sleeping 23 hours a day lately.

3. tell us your hottest, filthiest, most taboo sexual fantasy right now in 100 words or less, the fantasy that goes against your religion: come on, man, don't rush me, did Shakespeare have to deal with word-limits and time-limits?! brilliance comes over time...with many, many words, like 101 words maybe, y'know? that extra word could be the brilliant word that shapes the piece. my fantasy involves a monk, a parole officer, and a bar. a late phoenix walks into a bar. phoenix was brought up Catholic and is thinking of joining the monastery. phoenix asks the monk a very strange straightforward question, "do you ever think about fucking women when you're all alone up on that monastic hill praying? are you actually praying for a babe to come down from the heavens and force-feminize you?"

the monk gives an effortless smile and responds: "nuns."

silence in the bar.

monk: that was the joke. nuns. no nuns are ever hot, that's why they became nuns...that's the joke.

more silence, the barkeep starts to lick his lips but no chuckle. suddenly, the parole officer blurts out, "that'll get you twenty in the can, Saint Pervert!!!," and starts howling with laughter at the top of his lungs, "hey Monky Boy!" he exclaims, "you wanna fuck?"

that's how it ends, i always try to insert myself into this fantasy, but i find that it works better with just the two original lovebirds at the bar before i came in.

4. which super hero would you fuck and why? Aquaman, Superman, She-Ra, or Wonder Woman? first, my real-life fantasy seeing as i am a red-blooded all-american guy: gotta go with She-Ra, it muddies up my nostalgic childhood nice and good, it's because she was such a paragon of virtue in those cartoons along with He-Man, that adds to my cum-gallon count, and that name, She-Ra, it's such a ridiculous name that it would be fun to scream it in bed.

now, my truly-fantastic fantasy where i pretend to be any sex: that's gotta be Aquaman. i feel for Aquaman, i truly do, he's the guy who always gets dumped on for having the lamest powers ever, when is talking to fish gonna get you over the next rung in life, y'know? it's not just the comic geeks who destroy this man with their cyber-assault typed diatribes, it's comedians, Dave Chappelle goes after him for his weak powers, it has gotten so bad that i'm afraid if we don't stop, Aquaman will be latest victim of bullycide. it gets better...if you get better writers, that is.

5. knowing there's a hot young couple engaging in hard anal in the other room, would you press you ear up against the side wall there and eavesdrop on the action, take it all in? i'll put it to you this way: i came up with this question. but i'd only do it if it were hard anal.

6. do you think the lure to act out sexual fantasies or have sex frequently is the result of increased technology in society? yes, and i love it. Ghost In The Shell, the greatest anime of all time, please read it or watch the shows if you haven't already. i have a GITS-style cyber-brain already implanted where my flesh brain used to be, i'm more computer than man now, and the sex is fantastic, i just download everything into the limbic areas of my brain, sit back, and orgasm, don't have to do much work, except for the $4.99 fee every month. also, it helps that i was originally a human man, we men kinda like to fuck all the time, don't blame us, it's our nature, blame the cyber-brain manufacturer...

bonus: describe your fantasy life in three words: BETTER THAN EVERYTHING






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6 comments:

Atiya Luv said...

as always!
LOVE LOVE YOUR ANSWERS!!

I wish they had He-Man to pick from!

Your BONUS...two thumbs up!!

Jax said...

My fantasy life in 3 words?

Exciting Fulfilling Adventure

Jack and Jill said...

Thank you for waking just long enough to post your answers to these questions.

"She-Ra" sounds like some kind of cheerleader rallying cry, probably moreso when shouted in the throes of passion.

I've always been amused by the fact that Aquaman can breathe underwater and control sea life and...commune with...seaweed, I guess. But put him on dry land and he's useless.

-Jack

the late phoenix said...

atiya: by the power of Greyskull...i once tried to "Battlecat" my large dog, ended up having to get shots at the vet

jax: is there room for two in your adventuring spaceship? ;)

jj: i just woke up...*rubs stuff out of eyes*...wait, this isn't the usual stuff that's in my eyes in the morning...

Missed Periods said...

Pity sex with Aquaman! You are such a nice guy.

the late phoenix said...

missed: that's the first time in my life i've ever been called a nice guy