Monday, April 23, 2012


by the way, the second pic from up top there is what happened after the top pic, and the last pic at the bottom here is the neighbor who heard everything's, he's just jealous

1. what is your sexual personality?
a) the controller: driving the sex, twisting your partner into a pretzel the way a director would, creating and dominating scene by scene
b) sex slave: you love to be used, you do as you're told or you'll get a spanking.....mmmmm, spanking
c) daredevil: you get off on the risk factor, you can't orgasm unless your life is in danger
d) subdued: sex is there, i guess, you do it if you have to

i used to be subdued, the depression killed all of my motivation for anything, but then i caught onto a daredevil babe who made me do all sorts of illegal things, i developed my illicit skills, SEE TMIT POST BELOW, but there are only so many police blowjobs to get out of a jam that a man can take, so i went back underground to my usual sex slave ways. finally i emerged as the Controller, i am an actor after all, an out-of-work actor who dreams grandly and with delusion of one day becoming The Director Emeritus

2. have you ever sneaked away at a party venue to have sex away from the main party action and main party guests, like in a closet or pool room or pool table? pool table, of course, everyone does that at least once, but i figure why hide it? if i'm banging a beautiful babe, why would i want to sneak? i still have on my sneakers, yes, but i figure let's have all the party guests join in on the action, orgy in the pool room, it can get a little cramped in the pool room, and the fumes in here are not all from the chlorine, but it's a place, it's a place to fuck

3. which would you grant consent to? after all, this is your sex buddy that you're mad crazy for:
a) light bondage, hands and legs tied
b) spanking with light marks, the sexual kind
c) record the two of you having sex for posterity and the Library of Congress
d) having sex in the ol' mirrored room where you can delight at how good-looking we both are at every angle

gotta go with the recording, i love all manner of tapes and dvds and film and recorded materials, lost cassettes of forgotten episodes of tv shows, rare, out-of-print bootlegs and the like, so yeah, our sex tape will one day be memorialized by the Library of Congress and be item #45678 sitting right beside It's A Wonderful Life.

4. do you act out all, some, many, or very few of your sexual fantasies? or do you not act them out, or is it that you don't HAVE any sexual fantasies? depression snuffed out my sexual imagination. i used to dream about doing it on the LOST beach with the sand and the waves and the Smoke Monster and the Polar Bears all watching, but now my damaged mind can only muster up a paltry image like Beth and i fucking the fuck out of each other in a 7-11 bathroom. i used to dream about pouring maple syrup all over my lover's body, but now it's pouring half-drunk root beer 7-11 slurpees on her

5. how important is sex in your life? do you need it desperately every hour in order to function, or are you one of those who wishes it didn't even exist? sex and art make this shithole of a world bearable, so if it didn't exist, why live? however, if i were God, i actually would cancel sex for all humans and instead make them express love just by looking into each others' eyes in a staring contest kind of way. the more you love someone, the more you can stare into their eyes without blinking or flinching. the one-night stands break immediately, the ones celebrating their golden anniversary are STILL staring into each others' eyes, on the street, haven't moved for 50 The Twilight Zone...

bonus: finish the following phrase: sex is __________

i have two answers: sex is the shit. AND sex is why i blog.




ALuv said...

looove the answers!!
as usual, you always have the right things to say!!

Happy TMI!!!

Jack and Jill said...

Those may be my grandparents in the second picture. Paternal.

the late phoenix said...

aluv: i'm not in control of what i say on here anymore

jj: it's the circle of life...

Anonymous said...

I fell over laughing at the game controller graphic. The pic of penis sea urchins was a disturbing fantasy.

2. If only I know someone with a pool table, we could have a go.

3. "...our sex tape will one day be memorialized by the Library of Congress and be item #45678 sitting right beside It's A Wonderful Life."

Wow it must be good.

4. half-drunk rootbeer 7-11 slurpees is not only sticky but cold! Can't you just eat M & Ms out of my belly button?

5. I love ya babe but it's a good thing you are not God.

P.S. Your blogging makes me happy.


the late phoenix said...

H: sometimes i think i am God, that's the problem. sure, m and ms are as luscious as you are, peanut or the new pretzel kind. yeah, our sex tape will be the inspiration for all those members of Congress who have sex scandals left and right...

KaziGrrl said...

You nearly caused my early demise with those pics, mister!! LOL

And then your answers to the questions finished me off... :*

Ayep, your bonus answer definitely sums it up nicely...

~Kazi xxx

the late phoenix said...

kazi: ayep, :D, love that

if i had said that sex was shit instead of THE shit, this blog would look a lot different now...

Dru said...

LOL LOL Jack, that explains a lot.

You never fail to crack me with your answers. Happy belated TMI Tuesday

the late phoenix said...

dru: oh hi there, how's it going?