Friday, January 26, 2018

THE LOST ART OF FOREHEAD TRANS FATTY ACID


learned:

* The Truth Is In Here clogging your arteries

* i'll never forget when i met Josh Duhamel. he said that line about "cabbies" to Greenlee on General Hospital and i had my shorthand for cabernet sauvignon on dates. he taught me so many things. he taught me about cool. i knew he was going places. i knew him when he was just another unknown soap hunk. the movie-star stuff isn't really working out. come back to soaps, Duh, they need you, soaps are dying. or worse, becoming New York-regional only. we've all seen how the Transformers were never meant to be made into real-life film-set pieces. that's what the toys were for. some concepts are better left to '80s animators.

* papyrus logo

* girl: daddy! why do we eat Taco Bell every night?
Josh: this splitlevel's underwater.

* girl: i want fries!
wife: honey, Taco Bell doesn't have fries.
girl: chicken fries?
wife: Taco Bell just has steak.

* Josh: hello, facebook? my personal profile says mood: RUSSIAN.

* Mueller: quit dipping around.
Josh: you look familiar.
Mueller: i'm what the Cigarette Smoking Man would look like if he had never smoked.

* Josh: what's in this manila envelope?
coworker: the key to everything.
coworker: what are you doing?
Josh: i tried to start my car. no dice.
coworker: the key opens the flash drive.
Josh: i just heard key and drive. i know nothing of computers.

* coworker: what are you doing?
Josh: fries.
coworker: DRIVE! DRIVE!
Josh: you're making me feel like I'M the one who's crazy. this is how it starts.

* Josh: one question: what is "Mexican" spices?
Mueller: basically cayenne pepper. we're entering a new trade war over this Wall.

* wife: pour all that gooey nacho-cheese sauce all over my naked body. it won't be hot, it's from Taco Bell.

* informant: Big Fries.
Josh: explain. i'm getting wet. from the fountain.
informant: you get it now? you get the Illuminaughty symbolism? the fry with the ketchupped tip? the senators? the senators with the younger women in dazzling dresses not their wives?
Josh: are they drinking cabbie?
informant: lipsticked penises, man, lipsticked penises!

* informant: the nacho cheese is not your cheese.
Josh: Jack In The Box already used that.
informant: i got news for you. we're all in the Box.

* Skinner: he's getting close. i love when we're all in shadow like this, it hides my baldness.

* daughter: daddy, a clown gave me this fry.
Josh: drop the fry, honey. and pick up that nearby red balloon.

* Josh: wait. something is all wrong here. California's flag? California's not a real state!

* Josh: i need to bleach the red ketchup stains from my collection of white shirts before they get here!!! honey, where are the Tide pods?!!
wife: you ate them, remember?

* Comey: who is They?
Josh: Dr. They. everyone knows Dr. They.

* wife: these nacho fries are consuming you!
Josh: you look like Fergie when you make that face.

* coworker: looks like you got yourself in some hot oil, dad.
Josh: did i sleep on the company couch again?
 coworker: i'm Fergie's adult son you never met.

* clowns: we're gonna run you off the road and into a pond.
Josh: thank you, these new Taco Bell nacho fries are spicy.

* this is my life. i'm gonna try these new nacho fries the Saturday before the Super Bowl. you know they'll be off the menu by then.

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

happy weekend, my babies. i'm worried. Cilic is like Roddick but taller. it still boggles me that huge servers like Dr. Ivo and Isner never do well at Wimbledon and the hard-court Slams. i feel for the women's Final in a couple of hours. one of those ladies will be heartbroken and need comforting. i'll be in the stands but i only have one bony shoulder. i'll ask the runner-up to marry me. she'll ask how much money i make. i'll say bitcoin.








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