Monday, September 17, 2012
TMIT: I STRIP FOR PEANUTS, I EAT THE PEANUTS
this pic right up above here of the dude: this makes me sad, that's Chuck, y'know Chuck, we all knew Chuck, we all loved Chuck, Chuck from across the way, from the other side of the tracks...why'd you do it, Chuck, why? RIP
1. have you ever danced naked in front of anyone? what prompted the experience? dateline Los Angeles, cops gettin' frisky, i'm gettin' frisky, head against the wall, *heads* against the wall, it was later noted by a young scrappy reporter that the whole thing was over a misunderstanding involving black tea...
2. have you ever been to a strip club? all that you expected? believe it or not, the first time i went to a strip club proper wasn't until college, i had seen them on tv and "enjoyed" them from afar, but it took me entering a class on Sex In Popular Culture (yeah, i know, but i was desperate by that point) before i, get this, had to go on a field trip to a strip club for research! ah, college, if only the rest of one's life was like college...i had a great time btw, there was dancing, rejoicing, wine, and women, and rejoicing
3. "amateur night" at a strip club? those are the best nights, right? that's when the girlfriends of the dudes by the end of the night aren't the girlfriends of the dudes anymore.
4. do you think strip clubs are exploitative or are they misunderstood as simple adult entertainment venues? now go ahead and take a look at PIC 3 from up atop there, and you tell me, look at the guys' faces and you tell me.
5. would you ever consider stripping to pay for college or other expenses? i did, if it wasn't for stripping and a few Sanchezes in my time, i wouldn't have this extensive vocabulary in my arsenal, i'd be blogging with more measly words in a trash can somewhere. i mean, i'm still doing this from a trash can, but i've read War and Peace, so...
6. have you ever given your partner a private dance? my new wife and i divorced, we were cracking each other up too hard, it became impossible to live together. so, i don't feel much like celebrating, i'll probably just quietly breakdance in my room later tonight to get the sullen out.
7. would you ever perform a lap dance for a complete stranger? at gunpoint, maybe. when i dance, it's more about feeling the flow than it is about being sexy or even competent. i guess what i'm trying to say is that it's one grade above Elaine's dry-heave dance on Seinfeld.
8. Showgirls, Strip Tease, Magic Mike, what is the sexiest Hollywood strip scene you've ever youtubed? oh man, i still remember the absolute fervor and chaos that Showgirls caused when it came out in 1995, remember all that? it's like yesterday for me, that was one year after Cobain, so i guess the world was seeking something to distract itself with. the story was too good to pass up, with the wholesome character from Saved By The Bell going way against type to play the sexpot. y'know, the critics beforehand made it seem like this was gonna be the raunchiest, nastiest, filthiest, most vulgar sex-laden film of all time, like this was worse than the worst porn out there. the one scene which stays with me today is of course that sex scene in the pool, when Kyle turns on the lights of the palm tree, everyone in the theatre laughs, and after all the undulations and falling back and forth in and out of the water as the two fucked, i knew i had a unique sex position to try with my girlfriend in my jacuzzi...if i ever got a jacuzzi.
bonus: do you have a stripper fantasy, that given the chance of never being found out, you'd turn into a reality? life is about turning dreams into reality. i don't have stripper dreams, i dream of strips, though, strips of beef jerky, that's what makes me a man, i love meat, eating meat, licking meat, tasting meat...swallowing meat.
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