Monday, September 17, 2012

TMIT: I STRIP FOR PEANUTS, I EAT THE PEANUTS




























this pic right up above here of the dude: this makes me sad, that's Chuck, y'know Chuck, we all knew Chuck, we all loved Chuck, Chuck from across the way, from the other side of the tracks...why'd you do it, Chuck, why? RIP


1. have you ever danced naked in front of anyone? what prompted the experience? dateline Los Angeles, cops gettin' frisky, i'm gettin' frisky, head against the wall, *heads* against the wall, it was later noted by a young scrappy reporter that the whole thing was over a misunderstanding involving black tea...

2. have you ever been to a strip club? all that you expected? believe it or not, the first time i went to a strip club proper wasn't until college, i had seen them on tv and "enjoyed" them from afar, but it took me entering a class on Sex In Popular Culture (yeah, i know, but i was desperate by that point) before i, get this, had to go on a field trip to a strip club for research! ah, college, if only the rest of one's life was like college...i had a great time btw, there was dancing, rejoicing, wine, and women, and rejoicing

3. "amateur night" at a strip club? those are the best nights, right? that's when the girlfriends of the dudes by the end of the night aren't the girlfriends of the dudes anymore.

4. do you think strip clubs are exploitative or are they misunderstood as simple adult entertainment venues? now go ahead and take a look at PIC 3 from up atop there, and you tell me, look at the guys' faces and you tell me.

5. would you ever consider stripping to pay for college or other expenses? i did, if it wasn't for stripping and a few Sanchezes in my time, i wouldn't have this extensive vocabulary in my arsenal, i'd be blogging with more measly words in a trash can somewhere. i mean, i'm still doing this from a trash can, but i've read War and Peace, so...

6. have you ever given your partner a private dance? my new wife and i divorced, we were cracking each other up too hard, it became impossible to live together. so, i don't feel much like celebrating, i'll probably just quietly breakdance in my room later tonight to get the sullen out.

7. would you ever perform a lap dance for a complete stranger? at gunpoint, maybe. when i dance, it's more about feeling the flow than it is about being sexy or even competent. i guess what i'm trying to say is that it's one grade above Elaine's dry-heave dance on Seinfeld.

8. Showgirls, Strip Tease, Magic Mike, what is the sexiest Hollywood strip scene you've ever youtubed? oh man, i still remember the absolute fervor and chaos that Showgirls caused when it came out in 1995, remember all that? it's like yesterday for me, that was one year after Cobain, so i guess the world was seeking something to distract itself with. the story was too good to pass up, with the wholesome character from Saved By The Bell going way against type to play the sexpot. y'know, the critics beforehand made it seem like this was gonna be the raunchiest, nastiest, filthiest, most vulgar sex-laden film of all time, like this was worse than the worst porn out there. the one scene which stays with me today is of course that sex scene in the pool, when Kyle turns on the lights of the palm tree, everyone in the theatre laughs, and after all the undulations and falling back and forth in and out of the water as the two fucked, i knew i had a unique sex position to try with my girlfriend in my jacuzzi...if i ever got a jacuzzi.

bonus: do you have a stripper fantasy, that given the chance of never being found out, you'd turn into a reality? life is about turning dreams into reality. i don't have stripper dreams, i dream of strips, though, strips of beef jerky, that's what makes me a man, i love meat, eating meat, licking meat, tasting meat...swallowing meat.





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12 comments:

Ms. B said...

You never fail to make me laugh. Great post, as always. I think you should do Elaine's sexy dance and youtube it, that would be amazing. Otherwise, I will settle for a video of beef jerky.

Twisted Angel said...

Showgirls will get me fucking hornier than hell without fail. Something about her playing that role and the attitude. Even though it exposed I am sure some truths about the showgirl scene it was hot, period. You can come strip for me anytime you please..

Gemma Jones said...

I love the comment about the ameteur night. Gold!!!

Also the comment about exploitation. It clarified something about stripping that I subconsciously knew but never managed to drag into my consciousness.

As always a great read.

KaziGrrl said...

Excellent pics as always and I love your take on sexy strips on YouTube :)

:*

~Kazi xxx

the late phoenix said...

B: i'm entitling the video "Beef jerkin' it"

twist: yeah, i had forgotten about Showgirls, might just have to pop that one back in and rewatch it after i clean out my trash can

gemma: that's gold, Jerry, comic gold! ovaltine, square-tine, yeah! ;)

kazi: "Beef jerkin' it" has been uploaded to youtube for one day now, it has 0 hits...

Ms. B said...

Don't forget to tag me in it, it might have to be my next photo! Me surrounded by lots and lots of beef, I mean I can't lie, I love beef.

the late phoenix said...

B: beef or *beef*?

Jack and Jill said...

Your sex in popular culture class sounds interesting. Here's where I fall into the same trap most people do upon reading my TMI Tuesday answers and acknowledge that I'm not sure whether you're being serious or bullshitting.

Your recollections of Showgirls are much like my own. I was newly nineteen, and snuck in. It was the last movie I ever snuck into, not because I was an adult and needed to be responsible, or even because I was afraid of getting caught, but because the movie sucked so badly that I had learned my lesson.

Sorry about the divorce but I didn't think she was good enough for you anyway.

-Jack

the late phoenix said...

jj: the breakdancing helped a little, when the divorce lawyer called, i told him i was too busy flipping, not flipping him off, flipping off the walls...

Ms. B said...

HAHA, *beef* jerky, isn't that what you meant?

Hedone said...

3. lol…I suspect that happens a lot

5. Brilliant…fucking funny brilliantly funny

7. Yikes!

Seriously, dancing like Elaine is hard. I have tried. It is hard to be that off beat and out of rhythm and get your limbs to flail like that…out of time to anything.

Bonus: "…i love meat, eating meat, licking meat, tasting meat...swallowing meat."

That was so sexy.

-H

the late phoenix said...

H: if anything, "War and Peace" is a giant time-killer, much like blogging...