Monday, September 10, 2012

TMIT: THE BIG O














pic 10 from atop: love that :)


1. do you remember your first orgasm? how old were you? do tell, do tell: something funny was happening in my pants, and it wasn't number one or number two...it was number three. i don't remember how old i was, for time stopped still then and still hasn't recovered, still hasn't progressed. i lost all of my forward progression and momentum and career and growth trajectory, my adult maturity is gone forever, and i became, then and forever, a male blogger. viva la difference!

2. what is your favorite way to orgasm? sex, g spot, p spot, oral?: p spot, penis spot

3. are there any ways you want to experience orgasm but haven't yet? oral, g/p spot, squirt, with or w/o vibrator?: i've squirted...milk out my mouth when i laugh at my own jokes. God built me with a real-life flesh vibrator down my belly button, so i'm good there. i'd say g spot, good spot, that's what it stands for, or great spot if you're a pro.

4. have you ever had an orgasm in your sleep? i've never actually slept, not one time, that's the problem with me, that's why i'm always on edge...

5. what is the easiest/fastest way for you to have an orgasm? good anime with dark lines like The Big O does it for me, or chicken, good chicken like the new Kentucky Fried Chicken Chicken Little sandwiches with the white sauce and the pickles, had one this weekend, it was serviceable, or the new Burger King Popcorn Chicken, gonna try those next week with barbecue sauce.

6. how many times a week do you try to reach orgasm? you do the math...oh, well, yeah, if you consider that i am a man, i'm trying to reach orgasm literally (like Joe Biden is fond of saying), literally every second i draw a breath, in fact twice in one breath, so...you do the math, i'm an English major

7. have you ever had an orgasm simultaneously with your partner? who normally cums first? that is the ultimate sex experience, huh? that's what i've been told by women anyway, the cum-at-the-same-time spiritual connection, after such a feat, you must pray for forty days and forty nights and fast, or it will never happen again. no? oh come on, Linda, i believed you. anyway, there's an old proverb that goes, "he who cums last cums best." other variants include "he who cums last cums messiest" and "he who cums first lives in the basement."

8. can you have multiples? no, my cat could never have babies, she was spayed, i followed ol' Bob Barker's advice even though i cooled on The Price Is Right after my 50th game of Plinko. my cat's okay, it was benign, no cancer, thank you to all out there in the cyber world, my kitty and i really appreciate it! meow!

9. how long does it normally take you to reach orgasm? one flip of the page...

10. have you ever faked one? that's difficult for men to do with all of the white visual evidence everywhere, but actually, one time instead of cumming cum, i cummed water. i know, it was strange, but not strange enough to panic, y'know? it was harmless water, not hot lava or something. my doctor agreed.





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11 comments:

Ms. B said...

Haha, you can't stop there... how am I to finish!?

Naughty Tashamber said...

Lol, great answers! They cracked me up. :D

Atiya Luv said...

LMAO!
yeah, would be a bit difficult to fake one!! haha!
Great answers !

Aluv

Twisted Angel said...

ahh you can fake one even as a man. There is a distinct difference in orgasm and getting off trust me by darling. I am a pro.. bet I could find all your spots.

Jack and Jill said...

Number three, huh? That never occurred to me. I'm going to start saying that. Not that I make many number threes in my pants these days.

As for #2, if you've got a penis spot, you should probably have a dermatologist look at it.

Jill appreciated your answer to #8. She's quite a fan of Bob Barker and was beside herself when they excluded him from the 50th anniversary party or whatever in hell it was.

-Jack

KaziGrrl said...

Ah, I'd never thought to pair it with anime! Now that I think about it, the voices are perfect!! LOL

~Kazi xxx

the late phoenix said...

B: finish ;)

tashamber: great questions from you this week :)

atiya: there is always that slim possibility of the hot lava cum

twist: do tell, do tell...

jj: Bob Barker vs. Drew Carey, taking all bets

kazi: The Big O is the anime version of Batman





Dru said...

Long time, no passing by here. First of all, what is Snooks doing here? I laughed as soon as I saw her picture.

Hilarious answers as always but "something funny was happening in my pants, and it wasn't number one or number two...it was number three" made me laugh so hard!!

PaganPrincess said...

Your answer in number one literally gave me a HUGE smile, thanks for that. A #3, huh? I'm with Jack, fun way of stating it. I mean, seriously, LITERALLY, entertaining. As always.

PaganPrincess said...

Your first answer literally gave me a huge smile, so thanks for that. And I'm with Jack, the concept of #3 is literally an interesting way to state these things.
So for a lady, would it be the twins? Two sets of labia, or the quads for two sets of lips each. Now THAT would be a literal interpretation. ;)

Entertaining per usual.

the late phoenix said...

dru: Snookie has that odd way of always stealing the spotlight

pagan: there is a number four, but nobody likes to talk about that...