Monday, September 3, 2012


it's rather surreal to answer your own questions, it's like being the judge, jury, and executioner...or something:

1. we are all incurable sex addicts, but name one thing---a job, a passion, a creative outlet, a collection---of yours you use as a replacement, a distraction from constantly thinking about sex 24/7. THE STAGE, please everyone in the cyber world, pray for me that i land back on that creative outlet of the theatre, theatre spelled "tre" thank you very much, i must reenter that world of high-class art, stuffy patrons, intellectualism gone awry, art for art's sake, people fucking like rabbits onstage 'cause it's cool and it means something, scripts with depth, plays about harsh things and harsh people in the vein of Neil LaBute, i must stop blogging and start living my life, i must start writing and acting again or i will burst open and die out.

2. have you ever loved somebody so much you thought having sex with them would actually sully the pristine purity of that love? "To love somebody, to love somebody the way i love you," ah, the classic songs, Bee Gees and that seminal Billy Corgan cover. *ruminating on the music* yeah, well, back to the question, absolutely, that's why i proffered it, i think people do think that way, especially when it comes to first loves, y'know, that's such a pure time, it's pre-sex, it's just about making that first fulsome connection with a woman, that first kiss between breathy lips so soft and innocent, the joining of souls, the forbidden dance, parents were against it, and then you get into the sloppy fucking afterwards. i've felt this, though, your mind works in mysterious ways, one memory is of you and your beloved helping out at the homeless shelter, the next immediate thought is of you and your beloved engaging in hard's tough out there in the world

3. if you could make love to yourself, would you? describe this experience in full detail: it's quite simple,


and on top of that wondrous music video, here's a little vignette from my life from last night:

me: hello, me...uh, i mean, you
clone of me: what the fuck, man?!!! how am i alive?
me: i cloned you with my clone machine.
clone: i don't know about this. this all seems really unnatural, like it's an affront to God.
me: i am your God now.
clone: what?
me: nothing, just had some leftover spaghetti stuck in my teeth. so, you wanna do it?
clone: fuck no! i'm not in the mood, don't think i'll ever be, this is an unforgivable sin, you played God but you aren't God, i have all of your memories and thoughts, but i'm still not quite you, i feel like a cheap knock-off...
me: speaking of "knock", wanna knock boots?
clone: NO, no no! disgusting! just destroy me now and get it over with. come on, bro, this wasn't cool and you know it.
me: fine, fine, i'll turn you off...after i TURN YOU ON!
clone: no
me: okay...just thought...maybe one more stab at it...spaghetti?
clone: sure

4. cum, are you a fan? explain and expound. uuuuuuuuuummmmmmmm, yeah. we could talk about the good ol' days of blogging...that conversation could last for months...

5. does it creep you out to know that God is watching you as you're fucking? yes, it's creepy, but it's all part of the deal, y'know?, the deal of Life. i didn't ask to be born...then again, maybe i did...

bonus: tell us something sexy that happened to you this week: why, my TMIT questions i submitted were accepted and transformed into an ACTUAL TMIT post, i'm through the roof right now :)




Gemma Jones said...

I am really excited about your questions because they are very cool.

I have been tossing up trying to write a set of TMI questions myself in recent weeks so right now you are like my TMI hero!

Twisted Angel said...

You wrote this week's TMI .. that is awesome. I love the first pic I have seen it before but not with the shining coming off of it.. hmmm sex with myself.. isn't that masturbation?

Jack and Jill said...

Awesome questions! Thanks for submitting them. As you can imagine, it's quite the laugh riot most weeks as we come up with our answers, but this week set the bar high.

I find it noteworthy that "theatre" carries with it the live performance and a somewhat upper class connotation whereas "theater" makes one think of going to the local mall and buying a ticket to catch a matinee showing of the latest Michael Bay crapfest. I'm pretty sure no one spells it "theatre" when they're just going to the movies.

We wish we had a clone machine. If we did we'd clone ourselves solely for the purpose of having regular threesomes (or foursomes or moresomes) whenever we wanted. I think it'd be a pain in the ass to keep the clones fed and emotionally cared-for just for the purposes of sex; we'd probably just kill 'em when the orgy was over and make more when the mood struck.


KaziGrrl said...

Chocolate protein... mmmmmm, wouldn't it be awesome if cum came that way!

I mentioned stage as my diversion of passion as well ;)

Great job on the questions!!


~Kazi xxx

viemoira said...

Damn it I did not even think to offer myself spaghetti!! :)

Atiya Luv said...

when i found out *this morning* the questions came from you my heart started pounding! LOL, i was a bit nervous wondering what i was going to encounter!!
Great answers btw Phoenix!

Me encanta!!

Ms. B said...

As always, hilarious! Thanks for the laughs and the ohh's and awe's of pictures!

the late phoenix said...

gemma: i think it also helps to be friends with Hedone ;)

twisted: sure, masturbation, clones, masturbatory clones...

jj: Michael Bay was my father, until we all disowned him

kazi: one must always be careful when ordering a vanilla protein shake at the gym after a workout...

vie: clones fucking love spaghetti, any pasta really

atiya: love you, mami

the late phoenix said...

B: aw, thanks! awe, picture awe, awe, aw :)

Hedone said...

Really liked the video.

The conversation with you was priceless. Funny stuff. But you need to learn NO means NO unless you know you really didn't mean it??? :-\

Bonus: quit being lazy and send my some more good TMI Tuesday questions.


PaganPrincess said...

I got a kick out of the "God is watching, be entertaining" pic. And that you insist upon the British spelling of theaTRE! ;)

the late phoenix said...

H: my brain is fried with the crazy after these 5 questions, i'll need until Christmas to recover...

pagan: Tre Cool from Green Day is my silent sensei