1. would you rather be the smartest or hottest man/woman in the room? you need to be smart in order to determine who is the hottest. you need a measure stick with a hook to hook away the uglies. remember, lie the ruler flat against the face. the hottest person is the one who has the most symmetrical distance between the eyes...
2. do you get aroused by hearing the sexual moans and noises of ohers having sex eg neighbors or people next door in hotel rooms? at first:
that's my headcanon. it's intoxicating and seductive and prurient and informing. the thin walls of the motel are perfect acoustics for the continuing slapping of skin upon skin. but then it gets annoying. it's too noisy. i need a quiet environment to read my Gideon bible. and then i get jealous. the atmosphere becomes toxic. the couple is right there next to me on the bed rubbing my nose in it. Jen Garner with an extra layer of red hair dye and red lipstick for her smile and Captain Obvious wearing only his scruffy beard and captain's peaked cap making love. i'd like to rub my nose in it...
3. what are some small things which make your day better? the fact that i have Gina De Vecchio as my morning weekend weather anchor. starts the weekend off right from the bad mood of the week. there are no small things when it comes to Gina.
4. it's the night before Christmas and you hear footsteps on the roof---what do you do? call the police. in my case in my town i'm the police. so i climb up to the roof and Santa and i have a donut-eating contest. winner gets that last bag of Toys R Us toys.
5. what does your ideal Saturday morning look like? cartoons................well it used to be cartoons......when there were still real network Saturday-morning cartoons...............the latest Beyblade thing on CN doesn't count.
6. what does your ideal Saturday night look like? scrolling Amazon for the latest in deals. i get all my Toys R Us toys on Amazon. do you know who the head of Amazon is? Lex Luthor.
bonus: what is the craziest most outrageous thing you want to achieve? become an actor. a worldwide-famous actor. a global actor. despite the fact that i am scared of people. of all people. as an actor you have to learn to get along with many personality types---dare i say even clash and play with them. play off them, that's part of the deal, or the production is in preproduction forever. this is a problem for me. there are only so many monologues you can recite. eventually i'm gonna have to talk to a person. a stranger even. did i say global? i meant globalist.
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