Monday, April 23, 2018


1. tell us the problem with you in five words: CLICK HERE AT THIS LINK

2. 5 things you want in life: eternal cervical post-clitoral mature orgasm, eternal life that doesn't get boring, eternal bitcoin (must be waterproof), the full collection of all the Gunsmoke radio episodes, and one opportunity to write, direct, and act in my own short-film segment for Imagemakers on PBS.

3. 5 things you need to quit: remove the write/direct/act clause in my contract, they never understand what i'm saying/ that time machine i got that effectively nullifies the need for Heaven/ non-cowboy love stories on film/ my romance with my next-door neighbor that's causing Black Bolt to gossip/ and my staff that only works if i use the word "thine" with the "smite" and the "enemies"

4. 5 things you require in a lover: to be kind as the next Doctor Who, wise as the Hermione on Broadway, as beautiful as Teddy on Bob's Burgers, as ginger as Deadpool, and not accused of anything by the media

5. 5 things you are tired of: Wiki backpages, wars on information, lack of faith in Shy Kawhi Leonard, Joker without his makeup (he looks creepy), and sleep

i have a thing for shy guys. has Marilyn Manson decided that music has passed him by and his era of controversy is just over?

bonus: what 5 things will you never share on social media? the location of Cobain's Daphne Blue strat, the real reason bakers add one to the dozen (it involves a way to use fried dough), the real ingredients in Five Alive (spoilers: six fruits are used, including a way to use a lemon), the one piece of pop culture that has yet to be turned into a meme, and the Royal Baby's name.


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