Friday, April 13, 2018



* i want my writing to be leveled up so high that the Cartoon Network show Level Up will be allowed to continue to some sort of natural conclusion. at least to run out that season. i mean they LITERALLY tore down the background props as the actors were finishing their lines. they took the mic out of Aimee Carrero's hand. the world needs more Aimee Carrero. her spunkiness must not hole up in Aspen. that was the first time i ever saw Eric Andre. who knew?

* grammarly: to grammar righteously

* Jake: i had the perfect opening line. but this toothbrush was in my mouth.

* Jake: wait i think i pushed the wrong button. you have to pay for this dating site? no. bye. i mean who's to say i won't find my soul mate at Petco?

* Jake: hey Eva, we both swiped right, it's fate.
Eva: i'm not on Tinder. who is this? how did you get this number?

*Jake: hey Eva, if we dated our couple name would be Javanka.
Eva: i voted for Pence to be at the top of the ticket.

* Jake: what? you thought i was just housesitting? look inside yourself.

* Jake: also, i think i love you.
Eva: how did you override my block?
Jake: sorry. i meant to say always i think i love you. thanks, grammarly.

* Jake: i spent all day trying to come up with clever catchphrases and film quotes. but then i realized i've never seen a movie or watched tv. i haven't eaten in weeks.
Eva: okay okay! YOU choose the restaurant! jeez! you don't have to be a baby about it!

* Jake: hey. Eva?
Eva: hey. *hug*
Jake: first impressions: it looks like you're not wearing any underwear under your polka-dot dress there. it's fluttering too much.

* Jake: Café Regular?
Eva: why you crying? do you have IBS? don't worry, this café serves prunes.
Jake: no, thinking of the cancellation of Regular Show again.
Eva: i love Cartoon Network! you look like Eric Andre.
Jake: yeah that's a thing now ever since the cancellation of Level Up.

* Jake: are you named after that anime?
Eva: what, just cos i'm?...................look inside yourself. where's my purse? oh. there it is. i dropped it.
Jake: very funny. my name is Finn, nice to meet you. Jake was my stage name.
Eva: nice to meet you. my real name was Kelsey all along.

* write the future, right the future. not copied from that Ronaldo ad.


happy weekend, my babies. stay indoors tonight. there are no fireworks for Friday the 13th. (edit: redacted)

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