Monday, March 7, 2016


R.I.P. Bud Collins, without you i'd still be into baseball. and i'd still be wearing bermuda shorts.

1. have you ever devoted an entire day to sex and sexual activity (with breaks for eating)? planned or spontaneous? any kinky fun? i took a break for eating and the food was so good i forgot about the orgy. Taco Bell.

2. have you had simultaneous sex with two or more in a private residence? know them well or a setup casj encounter? this begs the question: is the Playboy Mansion grotto private or public?

3. have you gone out in public wearing an anal plug or vibrator device? YES, MY PENIS, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

sometimes i forget to plug it in before i leave my meditation chamber. my cyberbrain's been scattered lately.

4. have you ever fantasized about or practiced orgasm control/denial? it's called edging. but you can only do it if you're edgy. only Chris Rock can do it, only Lenny Bruce, Steven Wright, Bill Hicks, and Hannibal Buress. Jim Gaffigan can't do it................................................................................Jim Gaffigan can only do it with a hot pocket.

5. do you like to be called dirty names during sex? what names get you off the best? you dirty bird, you pulchritudinous phoenix, your plumage is so pretty, so hot, i wanna feed you my worms, burn baby burn

BONUS: the confessional is open---confess anything you want, sexual or not: i do want to get something off my chest. all this butter.



Jules said...

Good grief, I'm glad I'm girl. If I was a bloke that woke up with a hangover I'd most definitely would have lost my penis forever.

I think, as a phoenixeseseseses that you might be referred to as the great riser. Encore et encore. *)

the late phoenix said...

hello, mah dahlin. i rise and rise and rise again. that's the myth anyway *)

Jack and Jill said...

King Missile! That never gets old. And Jim Gaffigan's Hot Pocket bit is one of Jill's favorite comedy routines. Next time we have sex I might say "Hot Pocket" at the moment of climax. Or possibly "Caliente Pocket".

the late phoenix said...

jj: hello! there were also Lean Pockets, too, or Apoyarse Pockets, but those didn't sell as well :)