* Mona Lisa: there's a painted pizza on the canvas. do i really have a pizzaface? have i been lying to myself this whole time? was my mysterious smile distracting everyone from the truth?
da Vinci: i'll lend you my zit cream if you want but no, my dear, you do not have a pizzaface, i'm just hungry for pizza. and i miss my three turtle brothers, i miss ninjaing with them. my sensei is a rat. i live in a sewer.
* Andy Warhol: i wish i had said 15 years...
* Bob Ross: okay all you the audience at home see is me happy with the happy little trees but that's cos i bottle everything up and when the cameras stop rolling i let out all my motherfucking anger on the studio. i paint mad big trees, Ents which come alive, leap off the canvas and chuck boulders everywhere. the only way to defeat them is with fire arrows. no i'm not on drugs but i'm stanning Tolkien like a motherfucker.
* Michelangelo: it's true the whole painting-on-my-back thing really fucked up my back, my back is gone now, ruined forever, crushed vertebrae for days. the only good news is that it activated my glutes. i'm gonna tell this to my friend Tiger Woods in the future. i have a time machine. i don't know if what i'm experiencing right now is God or the paint fumes...
* van Gogh: i'm not crazy. it's not true that the more insane you are the better you paint. inspiration can come from a sane mind. don't believe the hype, i'm not crazy. i talk to pigeons, so what?, that doesn't mean i'm crazy. my friend Mike Tyson also talks to pigeons.
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