the brown spot by the dish deck, what was it? i washed and dried my dishes by hand because i am poor. i went to touch it, touch it
i turned to the left and saw my Keurig coffee machine. i slipped in a K cup, decided on decaf, i probably needed that right now, and waited for the wondrous machine to heat up and brew me just the right amount of java at just the right temperature and flavor mix. as i poured in the water, i didn't notice the ants at the back of the machine scrawling around. two, three, four, many ants all converging on the coffee machine at once, in that spiral pattern of theirs, taking up space, conquering the machine, claiming it invisibly. an ant gets in the water container without me knowing, it's gonna get brewed, and i'm gonna pay for that later. as the coffee drips and falls into the cup, the ants wait, they aren't dumb, they sense that the liquid is hot, they wait for me to handle the cup and take it to my lips. as i pause a second to blow on the coffee to cool it down, that's when they strike and enter my mouth through my tongue. as i drink my favorite morning brew, i eat these conquering ants. they died for the cause, they are heroes to their people, and i am as always left unawares and human. i'm not sure how the ants regard this: is it more or less of a victory that i don't know they're in me?
i'm so tired i forget that i went to sleep, i just wake up the next morning...or rather, afternoon. i wake up in a very odd position, my back is all twisted, my mouth and tongue hang out and are full of saliva from not brushing my teeth in weeks, i'm almost completely upside down but my head is slightly tilted to where it's the most uncomfortable pivot point for me to be in, my arms and legs don't hang and swing gracefully. i look much like my cat Triton as he slumbers.
i remember now, i was thinking of a pasture, and sheep, lovely sheep, now these are creatures i can hang with, they are gentle, fluffy like clouds, and they all jump over the fence in an orderly line to help me get to sleep. routine and rhythm make human a dull boy, and human falls asleep 'cause he can't take the pattern. that's so nice of them to do that for lowly me, i'm grateful, i really am. as the suicide sheep jump and jump and jump, one of them manages to bite me in the nose, and though this is a dream, it manages to still hurt.
AM I AWAKE? CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK.
shower time. lovely time. i relish my time cleaning myself, i lick my paws and crunch on my nails like Triton, and i do the human stuff, too, like using soap and a tiny cute little washcloth. shit, the clear plastic shower mat with the suction cups is still stuck to the bottom of my bath/shower, i need to remove it to drain it. as i rip the suction cups away from their suction and air, i notice too late that i've sent a tiny spider flying to somewhere. shit, i'm gonna pay for that later, huh? i shouldn't be in a rush all the time. what am i rushing for? what is there really to do anymore?
and again stuff happens or it doesn't and i'm back in the pure comfort of my bed in my beautiful awkward position sleeping and racing to get to another dream. am i awake or still asleep? is that Triton stalking my bedroom door? i can never tell. see, i leave my door slightly more than ajar, i leave a nice small space of air for Triton to come in at night, i never close my door, always leave that slit of space. at the bottom of my doorframe there's a huge area of the door jamb that's taped up with brown masking tape. at night, or during the day for that matter, it's an optical illusion, if i stare at that spot long enough, i always see my brown-furred cat there, but many times, it's just the tape i'm seeing...although one time it really was Triton sniffing at the door in that area waiting to come in.
"Triton? Triton, is that you?" i say all the time to the tape.
i imagine this is the principle of camouflage critters in the wild use, the green lizards who blend in with the large green leaves of the tropical rainforest to avoid detection, to avoid becoming someone else's meal. the lice which make me scratch my head constantly, they blend into the already-white surface of my skull.
dinner time, and there's nothing in the fridge. do you know what that feels like? i'm starving, but i'm not like those who are actually starving, so i keep my complaints to myself. still, though, the freezer is bare, save for one bottle of jalapeno ketchup and one glass bottle of expired dijon mustard. i' die for a caesar salad kit right now, i shouldn't only buy three a week like usual, i should buy four to have an extra one handy, but that costs money. i'm so hungry it feels i've missed a meal though i haven't, it feels like i can still taste the salad from last night, and my stomach is craving more. feed the need if you please. got no green to buy those leafy greens. a couple of flies enter my eyes.
where i eat is the kitchen. there's a heavy door at the end which leads to two steps of stairs which lead to the man cave. my man cave consists of my dying desktop on a rickety table, no ridiculously large tv or foosball or pool table or Nok Hockey or Carrom board or air-hockey or life-size arcade cabinet of the video game Mortal Kombat. no, instead i look at a screen to get the nostalgia from my '80s magical childhood. to the right of this room is a thin door which leads outside to where the two recycling bins are, one green for trash and the other blue for everything else recyclable. there's also one red at the corner in the back outside for lawn refuse, dead leaves and dead twigs and dead branches.
every night when i take out the trash i follow this same path from the kitchen down the two stairsteps to the cold, foreboding outside night. my path outside is blocked by my neighbor's fence. i'm the creepy neighbor in this life, he isn't. the fence is made of long sturdy burgundy planks, high high high as the attendant foliage and greens and vines grow out from the top of the fence and through its slits. there is a whole ecosystem up top of that fence, who knows what's living there?
i know what's living there, magic scary creatures that don't exist anywhere else on Earth, things you couldn't conceive of by yourself. taking out the trash one day i saw him, something out of Tolkien and Rowling, it was a gecko, but not the cute ones you see advertising on tv, this was a giant one, it must have been 100 pounds, and it was gummi.
the surface of its skin wasn't ordinary and smooth and green, it was see-through, you could see its inside organs, its heart pumping and its dynamic circulatory system, its internal veins and arteries pumping its dark deep purple alive juice all around its body, preparing it to face me. its outer shell, where its skin should be, the outer body itself was like, clear, white, like Wonder Woman's invisible jet, you could see the outline of it, but you couldn't actually see it. this gecko squirmed around and wiggled like it was a gummi candy, but i was in no position to eat it, it was the other way around. i was terrified.
i dropped my trash bag and bottles and cans came spilling out.
"recycle the right way" the gummi told me from its perch on top of the fence, "or behold creatures even more mysterious than i. the wild will eventually adapt to change and force you stupid humans to do so as well. you can destroy our home as much as you wantonly want, but nature wins out in the end. we will create whatever monstrosity, whatever elf, fairy, and dwarf, whatever majesty we need to bring this gorgeous verdant planet back to our side. you humans don't realize the beauty all around you, you're too busy with instagram to care. you don't see the magnificent world beneath your feet, rather you stomp on it. all hail the wonder of nature!"
and with that, this glorious gummi beast sprang from its post and powerfully bit my nose. i screamed a girly scream. i think i fainted, but i didn't, i was just on the wet ground waiting to die. it had been raining by the way.
my poor nose, i thought, why is it always my red nose? i waited, breathed heavily, my forehead caked in sweat, but the gecko was still right there by my side, on top of my face. he dug the nails of his webbed feet and hands, which were indistinguishable as to if they were feet or hands, into me, and he opened his jarring jaw and i was prepared to get sprayed with deadly toxic yellow emissions, but instead, the gecko's yellow dotted eyes rolled back into his head and protruded outward on a vine, then regressed back into his head. blindly, he slaps my cheeks with his whipping tail and he tells me to my face:
"hear this, representative of the humans, i am but the precursor. my master awaits to teach you the final lesson..."
PART 3 NEXT WEEK.