Monday, April 21, 2014


1. how addicted are you? would you get your energy high using a caffeine toothbrush (PIC 2) those times when you're too much in a rush to down coffee properly? hellz yeah, that seems like something a stoner would invent...or the CEO of Starbucks. one problem: i don't brush my teeth. i wanted to become a dentist, instead i became an artist. two problems: there isn't a Dunkin' Donuts near my place, like at all within a ten-mile radius. it's frustrating. i always hear from the hipsters who live on my street how awesome that place is, but i have yet to partake.

2. you have this list of sex stuff you want to do but haven't yet stuffed in your pocket. the stuff is stuffed. but then your boss finds the magic list strewn on the floor. you're just an absent-minded person, plus your top priority was really to make sure the boss didn't see you looking at porn on the company computers. now you're on the shit list. oh, but flip the script, the boss is offering to help you check a few items off the list! do you do it? sure, but only if she's cute.

3. have you ever been bent over a kitchen counter and fucked in the asshole? vice-versa? yes. it was painful, but i liked it. the only thing was it made my already-bad knees worse. oh, i was speaking metaphorically, this happened at that same office from #2, at the office kitchen with the busted microwave and year-old breakfast burritos. for pleasure? no, but i wish. our new home with the lawn gnomes looking on for good luck.

4. how do you really feel about sexting? meh/have to be begged/it's foreplay for me/naughty notes and steamy pics are my forte/what's your number? i have a daily sexting list. wanna sign up? hi. what's your number? i have a daily sexting list. wanna sign up? or just email me, i'm lonely...

5. what do you love to sniff? why? HELL DUST, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK RIGHT NOW. why? because it's an awesome story. and Hell Dust, i love that. also: cocaine.

bonus: what is PIC 7? how would you use it? it's a pack of 5 mini-steering-wheels for Rockso The Clown's clown car. you know the steering wheel has to be that small in order to fit all of those clowns into that car. or maybe it's something for my dong.

i'm typing to you from a black hole. i fell into one last night while watching Cosmos. unfortunately, i didn't land in an alternate reality where lead instead of carbon is the major building block of the universe or anything cool like that. instead, it's EXACTLY the same as normal reality except i exist in a plane one second later than all of you. sorry for the late post. i'm sighing here externally and internally. i so wanted to get carbon poisoning.




Juliette said...

Actually you're wrong about pic 7. These are Demono's out of this Universe, magic cuffs. There really is no escape. I thought you might've come across these in the black hole you fell into last night. I've tried to explain the magic cuffs and how they work on your sexting list but apparently it's jammed and I had to take a number and wait in line. I'm sighing internally at the frustration.

Thanks for the shout out, my sweet Phoenix ;)

Andee said...

Hey there,

Just wanted to let you know I nominated your blog for a Liebster Blog Award!

Anonymous said...

OMG, Hell Dust is a great story. Thanks for turning me on to that piece.

btw, Lawn gnomes are total voyeurs...and creepy.


Anonymous said...

About your bonus answer: My my you are creative :-)


the late phoenix said...

juli: you're right, my love. god i hope i can make the adventure end with some semblance of sense ;)

andee: thank you so much! i'm honored!

H: they're mini Weeping Angels.

Jack and Jill said...

I love the simplicity of your answer to #2.

Sorry about your knees and the office microwave.

JustLikeHeaven said...

Damn just got done reading Hell Dust, it was a amazing story.

AtiyaLuv said...

thanks for the story!!
LOL for your bonus!!

Happy TMI Phoenix!!

Anonymous said...

Apparently you haven't met Gerome T. Gnome that lives with us and his Mistress Geraldine. He gets around and like boobies, camping, and kink events.

Despina-Rose said...

Love your answers, so funny! The best is your extension to the second question! :D

the late phoenix said...

j and j: thanks. i'm happy to report that the microwave works at 30% capacity now, just enough to burn burritos.

jlh: yes. i got intoxicated first with the name itself, then the actual stuff.

atiya: if only the Ancient Romans had a Tyson in their ranks, the whole lead thing...

beauty: i know Gerome, he used to haunt my old college watering holes.

despina: my mind wanders too much ;)