Monday, April 28, 2014


1. for me, it was _________. you, always you, never me, always you. i am not me without you, i am nothing. seriously. this isn't a game. this isn't TMIT. this is real. this is fucking life. i love you with all of my heart and soul.

2. _______ at my local supermarket. i did self-checkout for the first time at my local supermarket. i was a virgin at it, but the courteous checker to the right of me was gentle. i'm getting better and better at self- stuff. soon my entire schedule will consist of selfing myself. and i'll take a selfie of it.

3. behind the tree ________ we were high-school freshmen. Percy carved out a gloryhole while i stood there watching. i thought Percy was there to carve the initials of his beloved. kids grow up too fast. i was just there for some sap, y'know, wanted some maple syrup to drizzle on my fluffy pancakes.

my *fluffy pancakes* wink wink

4. ________ is always something i wanted to do. something is always something i always wanted to do someday.

5. when it was over, ________ . i never wanted it to end, i wanted it to continue eternally. but then my limited human brain started to ponder the concept of infinity and it short-circuited. i guess it all gets explained when you die.

6. tonight i'm looking forward to ________ . going backwards.

bonus: what is the second pic from up atop there? explain how you would use it: it's called the Self-Doctor. this is gonna be revolutionary. you'll never need to go to a doctor again, it's all done in-house. you simply twist off the plastic cap of the long tube there and pee into the pipe. swish it around to make sure it's blended. i recommend not doing this in the same area you prepare your morning coffee, you might get them confused. in 3 days, you push a button and the tiny screen tells you everything that's wrong with you, everything: blood, psychological problems, ailments, maladies, broken bones, hereditary diseases you may pass on to your kids. then you simply fix everything in the comfort of your own McMansion and you're home free.

coming soon: the Self-Lawyer. simply pee in the pipe and the lawyers will...




Juliette said...

And here I come with my cryptic analyser....

1: Who is you? Is it your kitty in a Messi shirt, your morning coffee or other?...... It's beautiful. It moved me.

2. Hate self checkout. It always, BUT always goes wrong. A selfie of selfing yourself sounds so very interesting.

*fluffy pancakes*

4. Same. Something is something to behold.

5. Me too. But it wont get explained when you die. You have to work it out here or they don't tell you.

6. Mansion Adventure.

Mine would blow up at stage 2 of the analysis and probably fall into my morning coffee. Probably a good idea since I'd only die of worry. ;)

the late phoenix said...


5. that's actually a very grim prospect.

6. i love you.

Juliette said...

6. Ditto.

Hedone said...

3. subtly

6. I really laughed out loud at that answer.

BONUS: I want to order one of these now!

I need a doctor, I've busted my gut laughing so hard at this self-doctor explanation. Self-Lawyer...*smiling endlessly*

I always have a good time at your TMI blog posts. Thanks for that.


the late phoenix said...

juli: *the emoticon with hearts for eyes*

H: your welcome. i have the perfect doctor for you. his name is Patch Adams...

AVY said...

Life feels anyhing but real to me.


the late phoenix said...

Avy: why hello there! long time. how have you been?

the late phoenix said...

I think I know what real is. everything and everyone is stardust. I just hope the stars are real...