my birthday learned:
* life sucks, but when you die, depending on how you did, you come back as either a vacuum or a lemon.
* it all ends up being nothing.
* no matter how much you try, and continue to try, no matter how many hours you waste on it, time and time again, and then you think to yourself maybe this time it'll be different...it won't be different...it never will.
* another year older, another year more frightened.
* loneliness is the number-one disease, more than all of the cancers combined, or something, according to Dr. Sanjay Gupta. so, i signed up for that Oprah thing where you're looking to get a personalized hello from someone to cheer you up. i was so excited to look at my screen, maybe it would be Oprah herself wishing me good cheer. it was Tom Cruise...his maniacal laugh after the hello scared me.
* here is my daily thought process: should i? '80s living? okay, but i'd be bored. become a monk? sure, but i'd be bored. i'm bored. i already sorted out the rest of my life, and it's still morning...
* i always thought a nice girlfriend would solve all my problems. turns out i was looking for a savior. that's the thing, it's very very very difficult to find someone who is both hot and Jesus on match.com.
* i went to my priest. he said, "doctor, heal thyself." i went to my doctor. he said, "here is my bill." i went to my Bill Gates, he gave me some money...
* look out into the night sky. watch Cosmos. there are billions and billions of stars out there that fit into not one universe, but the multiverse, billions and billions of universes, billions and billions of galaxies all lined up together, smushed together parallel and perpendicular and sideways and away from the naked eye and even away from your third eye. don't you want to go there? don't you want to travel to the edges of space? billions and billions and billions billions billions billions///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
* happy birthday to me, i live in a pea, my relatives are monkeys, and so are everyone else's
and i smell like one, too.