Monday, January 27, 2014


to all the youtube dreamers, to those who don a Wario cap and turn on the camera to greet each morning, to those who cosplay despite everything---because of everything---to those who like us, like all of us, try every day to wake up and find ourselves.........................


i'm not into this stuff, but i'll play along:

1. at the cbt station, are you more likely to bust balls or have your balls busted? life busts my balls each morning i open my eyes, but i cherish each morning i open my eyes, Mom taught me that. then we have cereal together, Froot Loops with marshmallows.

2. at the dungeon bedroom window, you have the opportunity to be the voyeur or the exhibitionist. which and why? i've always been the voyeur, i study people when i sit down for a coffee at the klatch, my exhibitionist side is very small and only comes out at my youtube channel. this side of me is now microscopic since nobody visits my youtube channel. actually, though, i'd be more interested in the window itself, i'm fascinated by windows, the mystery of how the light from the outside sun filters through the grand front window which activates the switch which opens the dungeon door so i can get the next piece of Triforce.

3. dress yourself: spiked collar/leather chest harness/assless chaps/leather thong? the leather stuff is somewhat goth. only David Lee Roth can pull off assless chaps...

4. time for some impact play: choose either flogger or whip/paddle or bare-handed spanking/cane or crop: for me, impact play means getting the high score at the arcade and a free ice cream. oh...loud, musty arcades...*tear*, the '80s nostalgia. whips are cool, i use them as Simon Belmont. paddles remind me of those insanely-quick Olympic ping pong tournaments, the back-and-forth between these highly-trained athletes is mesmerizing. who knew games you find broken in your attic can be so gnarly? i want Nok Hockey in the Olympics next, i'd fucking go for the gold in that discipline. canes remind me of that guy, remember that guy who got caned, was in the news for a long time? revert to happy place: after sex, i like to lick---among other things---oversize candy canes, off-season or not, Christmastime or not, i keep a stash where i keep my Stash and my 'stache (my mustache).

5. bondage: you can either be used by a fucking machine while watched or tickled 'n' tingled on a St. Andrews Cross. so? the term "fucking machine" immediately reminds me of Trent Reznor. also, wait, that's not the Howard Stern machine, is it? monks use the St. Andrews Cross within the secret confines of their monastery to get on their knees...and pray...okay, maybe not.

bonus: at work, whom do you most resemble? a) dominant/mistress/top b) submissive/bottom c) switch d) naughty girl/boy/brat: i don't work, i'm just waiting for the afterlife. people tell me all the time i resemble Joseph Gordon-Levitt. i don't see it. when they add, "with a little Lindsay Lohan mixed in for good wild-child party-girl measure," THAT's when i start to see it.

i don't do this stuff, but i do know myself: i've been weak my whole life, i'm submissive to the world's nasty whims. i committed the unforgivable sin of switching from Nintendo to Sega one Christmas just to see what all of the Sonic speed furor was all about, and for that i should be spanked forever, i'm a brat, i was naughty, i got coal in my stocking, but i want YOU in my stocking...the stocking that's 2 feet long...that i use to warm my 2-foot penis.




JustLikeHeaven said...

LOL at the paddles reminding you of ping pong play. Great answers Happy TMI!

Kazi G said...

I'll happily hop in your stocking!!
I never considered the gaming angle, I should have :)


~Kazi xxx

the late phoenix said...

jlh: i hear professional Nok Hockey players start off young, like when they're first introduced to the game at sleepover camp...

kazi: just trying to create a Link Between Worlds if you will

AtiyaLuv said...

loving the Zelda dungeons!

I know what you mean about the 80's arcade.
Those were the days!

Sammi said...

Ah, Zelda dungeons :-)

Happy TMI!

Anonymous said...

A wild ride...again.

The closing paragraph was genius! Ima scurred of yer two foot penis :o


the late phoenix said...

atiya: those '80s arcades were so loud ears popped, but that was the good kind of popping.

sammi: I'm always gonna be Link.

H: don't be scurred, it's a least that's what my doctor says.

Juliette said...

Your Mum taught you well ;)
And assless chaps are a no.

the late phoenix said...

juli: yes she did <3

well, one can wear assless chaps as long as nobody else sees you in them.