Monday, October 28, 2013

TMIT: inb4 HAPPY HALLOWEEN! IT'S RAINING!







OBSERVATION #1: glancing at my youtube videos, i've noticed something about me that's very troubling that i never noticed before. my head is weird. it's a perfect oval shape. i look like one of those Easter Island heads. my head is the shape of a very large pill. Legends of the Hidden Temple on line one...

OBSERVATION #2: there was something wrong down there all weekend, i couldn't get comfortable down there. then it hit me: i must be wearing my boxer shorts backwards. so i took my monthly shower this morning to check: nope, they were on correctly, with the tag in the back. so...then...now i'm really worried.

OBSERVATION #3: IT'S RAINING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. how can you tell when your lover is close to orgasm? when she makes that face...she makes when she's laughing at my jokes...and my big head.

2. men: have you actually seen the G Spot? no, the G Spot is a myth, right? like God. hey: G Spot, God Spot...i think i'm onto something...

3. which is the most stimulating position? missionary/ woman on top, facing man/ doggy style/ other: it's this new position i invented called the parallel anal.

4. when you orgasm, are you: silent as a church mouse/ a bit of noise/ yell out at the top of your lungs? i express the noise of gratitude that this happened to me: it's akin to the sound of a church-house creeper...too many Bad Grandpa commercials swimming around in my oval head.

5. a lover orgasms WAY too prematurely. you still haven't gotten off. what to do? stop, or continue the play until you cum? i'm usually not on the other side of this. it's okay, we can stop, i'll do whatever my beautiful lover wants. i still have a hand i can go to later after lunch.

bonus: on average, when you masturbate, how long does it take you to reach orgasm? less than 3 minutes/ 3-5 minutes/ 5-10 minutes/ a year: i can't masturbate, my religion forbids it. that being said: half a second.

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8 comments:

AtiyaLuv said...

the G-spot is real
I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

"the parallel anal" you gonna have to give me a demonstration (i'll be your test object)

LOL

Happy TMIT!!!

Juliette said...

Hello Phoenix ;)

There's nothing wrong with your head or the shape of it. End of.

The G spot is not real... AtiyaLuv is lying ;)

the late phoenix said...

atiya: i've heard that it makes you cum so hard you get temporary amnesia...and then permanent amnesia the next day.

juli: missed ya, babe, how are you? no, i'm serious, it's very strange to look at yourself in the youtube mirror...very out-of-body...you see things...you see strange strange things...

Catherine Martinique said...

LMAO!
"a myth, right? like God"
That's a good one.
your answers always make me smile. geez, i hope they were suppose to make me laugh & smile. I would feel shitty (not really) if you were being 100% serious. I'll shut up now

the late phoenix said...

catherine: smiles are good, but the aim of all blog posts are to go for the LOL in true internet fashion...

filledandfooled said...

You always give me an LOL...but you knew that.
The G-spot does exist, right here with me, it moves around with me wherever I go, so if you want we can meet up and I can show you.
;)
-G (spot)

the late phoenix said...

G: i love a woman who uses wordplay...

Jane Droll said...

the bonus question made me laugh. a year? lololololololololol