1. could you date someone who's so into Legos that his whole life is Legos, he lives in a Lego house with Lego furniture and photos of massive Lego sculptures and creations and 3-D art adorn the walls and the staircase, his wallet photos are all Lego men and when he dies, he wants to donate his brain to Lego science for the good of Legokind...to be brought back after freezing into a living, breathing Lego Man? see above. obviously, no. Playmobil is where it's at.
2. you are out of undies on your big date. next move? re-wear dirty/ swimsuit bottoms and tops/ line worn undies with fresh panty-liners/ commando: i don't know what any of this stuff is. i like eating dates, though...
3. in order to date the person of your dreams, you must be on a reality show with them? do you? the person of my dreams is a reality star? really?...really?...fuck yes! it's my big break! i'm gonna be the next Keanu. no more lame youtube channel, doin' some real tv now. and by real i mean REAL.
4. okay, big bomb at the next date between you two: turns out, she's a crime-fighting superhero. oh what to do? do you sizzle things up or let things cool? we can continue on one condition: i get to wear the tight spandex black-leather cat suit at our next session. Catwoman was good at the end of the day...
5. you are in the mood to impress at this next date, but your outer and inner clothes (shirt/skirt/shirt skirt/ skirt shirt/bra/pants) split. do YOU split? what do you do? hide with jacket or sweater/ secret safety pins/ 'fess up and let it all hang out/ immediately split: go out for banana splits
bonus: you go away for the weekend with your new boo (do people even use "boo" anymore?). a ton of outdoor fun was planned, but the skies opened up and it's raining Noah's Ark-style. the rain is never gonna let up. what do you two do instead? pray, since it's the end of the world, the Second Great Flood...and fuck like rabbits...or rather fuck like blue whales...just picture that...the whales...creating a huge storm in the ocean...yeah...yeah...that's livin' right there...that's fucking nature right there.
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