Tuesday, May 28, 2013


my favorite comedians up above there

1. have you ever laughed during sex? do tell: one time at band camp, a fit of laughter of pure joy and ecstasy raced from out my mouth because i just couldn't believe this was happening to me, finally...my partner my teddy bear felt the same way, too...

2. how important is a sense of humor to you? vital, you can be a babe, but if you can't laugh at yourself, the internets, and the greater world around you, if you can't see that IT'S JUST A RIDE---thank you, Bill Hicks---if you can't see the inherent flaw in humanity, the ridiculousness of this planet, the futile pursuit of meaning, the untold burden of existence, we just won't connect and get along. you cannot be serious anymore (John McEnroe), you cannot be serious in this life, you can only be serious on the internet, because the internet is serious business.

3. did you ever think something was funny but your lover did not? you probably think i'm gonna say ex-lover because we couldn't agree on this laugh, but actually, i found that i was made of sterner stuff than all that, i didn't just run away as usual at the first sign of conflict, i stayed through the trouble and we worked on our relationship. the joke was about cats, she thought they were cute and cuddly, all i could see was the death of them every time i masturbated.

4. are pranks funny? have you ever fallen victim to a prank? do tell: pranks are only funny if they're not done to you. this one time we finally got Ashton Kutcher back for all of the bad Punk'd tv he tortured us with for all those years. i sent him a bill for my bleeding eyes...actually, i can't divulge any more, it's a legal thing.

i've had a prank played upon my person, and it's no fun. this is how it went down: my mom entered my room one day, broke down the deadbolt with her foot and exclaimed:

mom: son, you're never gonna make a woman happy. no woman is ever gonna want to be with you. you're a loser, you have no job, no future, no career goals, your art will not work out, and you smell, and you're a bad lover from what i've heard.

me: .......................(awkward silence)

five minutes of staring at each other, then Moms goes:

mom: got ya! i fucking got ya! you got Punk'd, son, and i mean SON both ways! *knee-slapping with laughter* hhhhhhahhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahheheheheheheh

me, *sticking out my tongue*: mom, mom, WASSSSSSSUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPP????!!!!!

mom, *sticking out her tongue*: WASSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPP?????!!!!!

5. what is your favorite type of humor: i've been depressed ever since i was born, i was a sad baby, this is no laughing matter. you'd probably surmise from my goth upbringing that i've shared with you before at this blog that i would enjoy dark comedy the most, black humor, gallows stuff...and you would be correct. when a clown sprays his water flower all over my face at the circus, i don't chuckle or get mad, i take the clown by the shoulder, grip his hand, the hand he used to spray all that obnoxious water on my face, clench his hand in a tight vise and say to him earnestly, "friend, thank you for the water, i was parched." see, i'm a humanitarian, i know what the deal is when it comes to life on Earth, i understand the struggle people in the world go through, i know hunger and thirst, i get it, i'm a brother to man, i take the time to see what's really important, i take time out for courtesy.

bonus: tell us a funny/embarrassing moment you experienced with a lover: my imaginary lover laughed at me for having an imaginary lover...




Anonymous said...

3. too funny

4. YOu had in stitches...

5. :) :) :)

You have the most awesome sense of humor.


Anonymous said...

You are a true comedian, and I don't even know what kind. But you make me laugh every time I read your blog. Must have gotten it from your mother.

Anonymous said...

LOL!~ I love every answer of your post! Happy Tues!

the late phoenix said...


f and f: my Moms is the bomb.

red CD: thank you. no duds in the group? that's a first :)