THE LATE PHOENIX: I WANTED TO BE FAMOUS. INSTEAD, I HAVE THIS BLOG.
Monday, November 5, 2012
TMIT: I PREFER MOOVEMBER...FOR MOOSTACHE
the great cause of Movember, mustaches and such, raising awareness and money for something that as a man i turn my head for and worry about: ball cancer. the election is tomorrow, so i already have vote cancer.1. ladies, have you ever kissed a man with a mustache? gentlemen, have you ever had a mustache? did you like it? who you callin' gentleman?...i'm a freak. anyway, from now on, as cool a spelling as "mustache" is, i always nailed it at those 3rd grade spelling bees, let's go with MOOSTACHE from now on, keep the brand alive. i have a moostache on right now, all very dignified, maintained, manicured...what i do is i shave off my head every month, including all the facial hair, that's how i "deal" with my hair, i have more important things to think about than hair, like play points...okay, well, sometimes i do rub a little product in there, a little WEN.2. they say "putting on the beard" is going down on a babe with a full bush down there. do you prefer a bearded, trimmed, or bald pussy? they also say "putting on the ritz" is code for something, like it's either a sex thing or it has to do with Ritz crackers...i prefer the bush to be wild like it would be in the wild, on the high plains, let that curly, scraggly thing breathe and grow and develop into a pet, your pet, the bestest friend you ever had, beard it, love it, soothe it, comb and brush it, pigtail it, pink-bow it, and let my mouth and tongue comb through the hairs and wisps to get to the promised land.3. what's your preferred style of "tashing on" (snogging): dunno, but i'm definitely using "tashing on" and "snogging" at my next party, way better than "kissing". ahhh, you Brits, i love you guys so much, wish i spoke with a British accent and ate pies made of every food all the time, you guys did the original The Office with the better subtle humor, you do Doctor Who which rivals Star Trek TNG for sci-fi sophistication, and of course the masterful UK version of Skins, which actually went there, unlike Degrassi these days. oh, sidetracked, um, i tash on with passion, grace, want, and real desire, i kiss my babe on the lips full force as if it will be the last kiss we ever share before i go off to war...the war between my multiple personalities.4. when was the last time you cupped yours or anyone else's testicles? i can tell ya, but i'd have to marry ya. first clue: police station...second clue: insane asylum5. if you had a mustache, what style would it be and why? i tend to stay away from hipster charts when it comes to my style, there's just too much of a temptation to copy someone else's term, like for instance i never want to wear a Gangnam Style mustache, that's already played out...i want the phoenix mustache, which can only be worn by the late of my species: picture my lips, my kissable full round juicy lips, okay my 'stache is in the shape of a phoenix, all up in my grill and my lips, all up on my juicy lips ready to lick your tits and your cunt and your asshole...whoa, sorry there...can i call ya? this is crazy, i barely know you, but call me maybe?