THE LATE PHOENIX: I WANTED TO BE FAMOUS. INSTEAD, I HAVE THIS BLOG.
Monday, November 26, 2012
TMIT: I FORGOT TO BLOG
1. have you ever had sex with someone famous, or one who eventually became famous, if only locally? i've worked all my life with those who are locally famous, there are never those who are more determined and dangerous than local celebrities, the news anchors or the big-fish-in-a-small-pond bitch actresses or that guy who saved the town, i mean, i coulda done that, i coulda jumped that building with my Super Mario video-game jumping skills like that guy did. yes, i'm jealous, the actress turned me down, she had me get her her Mio instead, her pomegranate Mio. it's the local ones you have to watch out for, they've made it, but they want more, they want more rungs on the ladder, they are setting their sights on Hollywood and will trample anyone who gets in their way...i want to be a local celebrity so bad! seriously, i'm, like, right now just one rung below being the local hero, one rung. will i make it? stay tuned, i'm still writing...about jealousy.2. in the sexy spirit of Six Degrees of Separation, did you have sex with someone who had sex with someone who...Papa Smurf? eventually with someone famous? oh, you want to know about the spreading of my seed. always use protection, folks, or the sexy becomes sewagey. other than Papa, who's a notorious pimp, no. wish i had, though, it would be my big in into the business, show business, i could TMZ my way into a producer's office, that's kinda like the more noble way of doing it, it's one rung above the casting couch. i'm related to Tom Hanks by sex activity!3. in the opposite direction, did you have sex with someone whose name you didn't know? no, i don't have time for that, i feel my time on this Earth is short, like i have two more years tops, thus i can only fuck famous people, what's the point otherwise?4. someone whose name you knew but then have forgotten? that's the worst, huh, that's just plain embarrassing, i mean that really makes you look like a cad, like she was just another rung on the ladder or something...*my eyes are coyly darting back and forth right now. i have a shit-eating grin on my face and on my Movember stache, it's really something to behold*5. someone who you suspect may have forgotten you? everyone, everyone on blogspot. seriously, where the hell is everyone? everybody decided to pick Thanksgiving to delete their blogs. i'm lonely. should i blog on? dunno, does a tree make a sound in the forest? yes it does, it makes the sound of breathing in our human waste. wait, i wanted that to sound majestic and awe-inspiring and philosophical, i messed that up. followers, lurkers, I NEED YOU. nothing? fuck my life.bonus: someone you wish you could forget? the gal from the Twinkies company whom i fell in love with, she texted me a few days ago after two years of post-breakup radio silence to inform me that I, me, your late phoenix, was the reason there would be no more Twinkies, something about my horrid love-making method and my bad cum as filling...CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY.