SSS: CUT

*CLICKY CLICKY*

click above to begin the topography map, 2 of 4



time to get serious now
time to reflect
back to a time when art replaced religion
and food

guitar licks were heavy
they cut to the bone
they prevented you from cutting
because they were sounding out your pain

or you'd be cut down

the closest you've ever been to going to church
a modern church of muddy lyrics and fury
lyrics which appropriated the staid sermon
and transformed it into '90s cool

the succession of the music line
and the success, though unwanted,
guaranteed a clean jump from the Beatles to then
the present was secure

it was all cut down

our future is not

secure


CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK, FOR THE DIRECTOR'S CUT





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TMIT: I'M LATE, I'M LATE, FOR MY VERY IMPORTANT CHEEKY DATE

1. could you date someone who's so into Legos that his whole life is Legos, he lives in a Lego house with Lego furniture and photos of massive Lego sculptures and creations and 3-D art adorn the walls and the staircase, his wallet photos are all Lego men and when he dies, he wants to donate his brain to Lego science for the good of Legokind...to be brought back after freezing into a living, breathing Lego Man? see above. obviously, no. Playmobil is where it's at.

2. you are out of undies on your big date. next move? re-wear dirty/ swimsuit bottoms and tops/ line worn undies with fresh panty-liners/ commando: i don't know what any of this stuff is. i like eating dates, though...

3. in order to date the person of your dreams, you must be on a reality show with them? do you? the person of my dreams is a reality star? really?...really?...fuck yes! it's my big break! i'm gonna be the next Keanu. no more lame youtube channel, doin' some real tv now. and by real i mean REAL.

4. okay, big bomb at the next date between you two: turns out, she's a crime-fighting superhero. oh what to do? do you sizzle things up or let things cool? we can continue on one condition: i get to wear the tight spandex black-leather cat suit at our next session. Catwoman was good at the end of the day...

5. you are in the mood to impress at this next date, but your outer and inner clothes (shirt/skirt/shirt skirt/ skirt shirt/bra/pants) split. do YOU split? what do you do? hide with jacket or sweater/ secret safety pins/ 'fess up and let it all hang out/ immediately split: go out for banana splits

bonus: you go away for the weekend with your new boo (do people even use "boo" anymore?). a ton of outdoor fun was planned, but the skies opened up and it's raining Noah's Ark-style. the rain is never gonna let up. what do you two do instead? pray, since it's the end of the world, the Second Great Flood...and fuck like rabbits...or rather fuck like blue whales...just picture that...the whales...creating a huge storm in the ocean...yeah...yeah...that's livin' right there...that's fucking nature right there.

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SSS: SHAMPOO, CONDITIONER, RAVE, REPEAT

*CLICKY CLICKY*

click above to wash out the last series and begin this new one so fresh and so clean. my front is your naked palette.




my brilliant, gorgeous, and lovely friend Juli---mate in British---everyone calls her Jules but for some reason i call her Juli---sent me a link to a cool song she said reminded her of me and my, uh, personality. i couldn't agree more when i heard it, the rambling about cats especially and the times i try to connect disparate thoughts together in my writing and succeed each time.

so, here it is, enjoy:

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK


thanks, babe, you know i'm in love with you, right? and i'm not saying that just to be polite in front of blog company.

CLICK HERE TO VISIT JULI'S BLOG, YOU MUST GO THERE, HER WRITING IS SO GOOD IT MAKES YOU REEVALUATE HOW GOOD YOU THOUGHT YOUR OWN WRITING WAS.

think i should go outside, it's gloomy today, could rain, perfect weather.

am i still alive?

at this moment?

yes i am

i just typed something

that proves it

might not always be the case

but for now, yes




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TMIT: I'VE STOPPED BEING POLITE, I'M STARTING TO GET REAL

the internet's sole purpose is quite clear, huh? it was made for cat pics, that's it. nothing beats cat pics. nothing ascends to the level of importance the way cat pics ascend. once you have cat pics, you are happy, sated, and satisfied, and you question no more. that guy from The Real World on MTV used to be my hero, but i won't mention his name after what happened. hey, i believe i even threw in a Harry Potter cat up there :) all cats are magic, though, not just the black ones.

1. create your perfect job. what do you do? get paid...to write...about tv shows...films...good, obscure indie films that no one sees...art in general...but i don't just comment on the art...i create the art...'cause nobody likes someone who's just a critic and never tries it themselves...also, food, i like to eat...i'd blog about food if i got paid for it...also, what's up with professional poker players?...i mean, that's an actual thing...that's a job, to play poker...what's next?...people who play tennis as a job?

2. what person has changed you for the better? besides the obvious mom and dad, i have to say a certain cool dude i met in college who was just so fucking cool, i mean it was his world, we were just living in it, but instead of being an asshole with all this power, he was cool, self-deprecating, and funny. did i mention he was cool? we used to ride the BART together where he would instantly make friends with all the other stranger passengers with his flipping, magic tricks, and topical humor. he couldn't sit still, he had to roam back and forth along the subway-car hallway until the trip was over. he would work at some unknown corporation building on the 18th floor. he off-handed to me once, "3PM isn't closing time, it's when i get out of jail." after my incident, he was the only one who cared enough to meet me in person at 7-Eleven and tell me everything was cool, don't stress out too much about life, always joke at any and every situation you are in, life sucks, so laugh about it, don't fret about it. unlike my therapist and tv ads, he didn't bullshit me with "it'll get better"---he was a realist---but his armor was the funny, and i've come to adopt his philosophy over the years. i miss him. i ride the BART alone sometimes when i'm up there in memory of him, trying to put on my smiley emoticon, not my sadface. wonder where he is now...

3. cat person or dog person? see above. if there's one thing that's true about me, and there is only one thing that is true about me, it's that i love cats...i'm a straight man who loves his kitties...well, y'know what i mean...yeah, i know it works with both meanings...

4. who is your favorite relative? why? i don't talk much to my relatives anymore, not after the betrayal. was it too much to ask to get the diet soda? i mean, anyway...whatever...water under the bridge...i'm not sure where i come from, actually. the data says the Netherlands and El Salvador, but i just feel that there's a bit of The Moon in me.

5. mop the floor or iron clothes? "I'm gonna mop the floor with ya!," said the man in the iron clothes.

sorry, bit of multitasking here...got an audition at noon.

6. which would you rather have, a swimming pool or a gardener? why? i don't need a gardener, i like having my weeds pile up and grow high so my fort is left secluded and hidden, love the peace and quiet. but then it gets too quiet, too quiet in my head and my thoughts start to wander and race...pool party! pool party! pool party! i need a distraction! pool party!

bonus: are you better at giving or receiving oral sex? i don't want to be that guy, but...what exactly is oral? is that the thing with the toothbrush?

and just to be perfectly clear...what is sex?

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X-OUT FILES, EPISODE 1: OKAY, NO, I REALLY DO HATE MEMES AFTER ALL

please, everyone out there in the internet and on the internets, the ones who run the show and the ones who type all day, please, i beg you, no more of this:

THE FEELS

or any variant: OH, THE FEELS/ THE FEELS IN ME ARE COMING/ THIS SHOW GIVES ME THE FEELS

done, it's done, it's been completely eviscerated of any sort of meaning, value, or even as a joke or a sign of intelligence, regular intelligence or internet intelligence, intelligence of pop-culture memes. this is what i was saying before, about how the internet is systematically rooting out any genuine emotion until everything typed online---every thought, feeling, expression, lecture, discussion---becomes ironic and not worth the time and effort to respond...or even type in the first place.

somewhere on Earth there must be a place where good folk still cry salty tears and really are sad, really feel their human component of empathizing with a sad situation, relating to their fellow man's problems, actually caring for one another with sympathy, heartache, and sorrow, the three things which bind every human soul together into the overall universal knowing and attitude that this life just plain sucks.

that's where i want to go, not

THE FEELS

no more

THE FEELS



thank you.


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SSS: FOUND GROUND

*CLICKY CLICKY*

click above to complete the journey and start on the second one.

that's one small step for Phoenix...one giant leap backwards for mankind.



i'm tired

of living

this way

it's cliche to say

but all cliches are boring

and predictable

like humans

when they get scared

save you

i want to save you

no, you save me

by being you

without you

i am nothing

cliche

but true

all of my journeys

don't matter

if there's not someone near the pot of gold at the end

rainbows fade

internet celebrity fades

the next facebook is around the corner

without the next typed word, i don't exist

unless you declare that you love me

then i can breathe again

for the first time

and we can don our spacesuits and travel

this life doesn't matter,

it's the second journey that counts

but like this life, loneliness is still loneliness

i won't care about the second journey without you

even if it's the second one that really counts

cruising amongst the stars is fun

only if my star is my Whovian companion

the star of my life: you

you are the star that forms my I

i see that with my eyes

all my knowledge is inert

if it can't bounce off your heavenly body

together we form a new heavenly body in the sky

your heavenly body and my observation of you

it's the observation which forms the rock of the new planet

and forever we shall be known

not facebook-famous

but known to each other

CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK: LET US AWAY TO SPACE AND BEYOND.




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TMIT: ONLINE LOVE IS LIKE BLUE METH...

the last pic there, right up above here, one day this beautiful day will happen for me, one day, i only have to continue living and hoping, one day, me and my first love in the Second Garden of Eden.

so Burger King finally breaks even after the less-than-inspired french-fry burger with their Satisfries, which are healthy ridged french fries they now serve. i was certainly satisfried after sampling them this weekend. i stay healthy by cramming mounds of french fries into my mouth, that's my secret diet, i don't have to exercise or nuttin' afterwards.

1. why do you like sexting or virtual sex (chatting, skyping, etc.)? that's a thing? all this time, i thought chatting was when you defenestrated your useless computer, called up your neighbor on a non-Apple landline phone and asked him to come over to shoot the breeze while whittling wood and rocking on rocking chairs out in the open on your front lawn. then you go fishing at night.

2. when you're about to "get busy"---down and dirty---do you like to be undressed by your lover or do you do the removal of clothes by your lonesome, i mean, by yourself? are we talking virtual or real? oh, i guess there's no difference anymore. women like men who take charge, so what i do is rip my own clothes off by myself in a sexual frenzy. then i start salivating and generally acting like a sexually-repressed Bigfoot. some women are still intrigued and don't hang up the internet phone. well, only one was after that, a fan of Harry and the Hendersons who wanted from me a VHS tape of the rare unaired pilot.

3. what's the most desperate thing you've done for sex? i was willing to throw it all away for one night of hot, gooey, salacious, tribal, unadulterated adultery. got kicked out of the tribe the next day. couldn't control my urges...i know i disgraced the elders, but that huge totem pole in the village square looked exactly like my huge totem pole, i had to find out for sure...

4. viagra for women will hit the market soon. if you're a man, would you want your female lover to try such a drug? abso. i love all drugs. drugs were meant to be experienced and enjoyed. i mean, love is a drug, right? what's so funny about peace, love, understanding, and blue meth? doctors are like cool drug-dealers, right?, nice drug-dealers who won't get you caught up in a border battle. that's what my priest keeps telling me, he drones on and on about me getting him his prescriptions and altar wine.

bonus: if it were legal in your country/community to visit a SEX BOX, would you? i've seen those on the news. i want to move there. that's like Jack in the Sex Box, fast-food prostitution while trying to be as clean and safe as possible. yeah, that's where i want to be early Sunday mornings instead of church, any excuse for me to avoid my priest and his drones, y'know?

in all seriousness, i'm just a poor soul who wants to fuck hard and love hard, not necessarily in that order.

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MARRIAGE IZ SERIOUS BUSINESS

hey, this was the first time i was able to fit in a pic that was extra-large, not just large, onto a post of mine without the pic being so big that it leaves the borders of the post and wreaks havoc by messing with the right-side column of the blog. if anyone deserves this honor, it's Kate!

NOW, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK AND COMMENT IN THE COMMENTS.

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SSS: THAT TICKING

*CLICKY CLICKY*

click above for 3 of 4



my useless life ticks away

tick tick

damnit! i cut myself on that exposed spring wire deep in the chewed-up hole of my mattress

third time i've hit that exact spot on the back of my elbow

it's cold there, hot now, my fingers are getting tingly, numb

i'm too tired after 8 hours sleep to leave the comfort of my bed

i'll let it hurt, let it bleed, it's not bleeding

what a fantastic dream

more and more i want to stay in the dream realm

this one i was an actor in really felt real,

this time i knew this was my real life and the other was the other,

there was Dad and Mom and i all nestled together, easy talking, laughing quietly

like we used to do, it came so easily to be easy,

and inside the circle of us soaking up all the attention was Kitty, the one who has since left us,

beautiful white Persian, fluffy family, beautiful life cocoon,

we are by a fireplace, no, a big blue gymnastics stretchy soft landing pit

and Kitty licks herself in her...um, place...and starts flying

this should have clued me in that this was not real, but it still was real to me, my beloved flying

as easy as an inside joke amongst my family,

that's what made it so special, the impossible was ordinary,

that's how my real life should go,

but it never will

i so hated to wake up from that one

where is my cat? he usually curls up by my feet, where is my second beloved?

the only friend i ever had

can't leave for the monastery, we need each other, it's us against the world

a world that doesn't care, doesn't notice me or anything else

while jamming up the highest internet speed possible

leaving the mentally ill to suffer along the highway of information

my cat doesn't fly, but i wish he could

wish i could, i'd escape into another dimension

the dream dimension

ouch, it's actually bleeding now

drip drip goes the red time

like when i was at school taking tests

the pressure

i'd look up at the clock on the wall as it tick tick

one of my nervous habits during tests was to brush the back of my head hair with my fingers

only then could i continue to question #2

that was back when i had hair...and mild OCD

i was gonna use that little anecdote in my novel,

but i'm not sure i'll be around to complete my novel,

so i might as well type it out here now for the world to see

get it out before i get out of here

WHILE I'M STILL AROUND, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK




the tick tick drip drip

carries me

along to my dark destiny

tomorrow isn't guaranteed

me

watched a health special on tv

realized i hadn't made any progress at all

back to square one, waiting to fall



just when i think i can make something happen,

i realize the end has already been written

long ago by forces NOISILY BLACK, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK

moaning, murmuring, motioning for me to join them.


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