Friday, October 6, 2017



* just in time for Halloween. sorry, i thought you were wearing a costume.

* Virginia Christine, a name straight out of the pages of a paperback Harlequin romance.

* director: do you prefer Mrs. Olson or the Folgers Coffee Woman?
Mrs. Olson: i prefer you feed me all the pastries on that craft-service table.

* groovy man: this paint party is a great idea. and that's not my roller.

* groovy woman: you like my psychedelic shirt?
groovy man: that's how it came? i thought you painted that atrocity.

* groovy woman: how hard could it be? it's just coffee. it's just brown water.
grrovy man: your coffee killed a man.
groovy woman: your manner is creepy. you're either a soap-opera hunk or a serial killer. YOU killed a man.

* groovy woman: what are you doing here?
Mrs. Olson: exactly. i was hot once. i don't need this shit!
groovy woman: did you bring the sandwiches?
Mrs. Olson: what am i, your mother?!
groovy woman: yes. otherwise you're some vagrant cat-lady who unnervingly popped in unannounced.
groovy man: just in time for Halloween.

* Mrs. Olson: darling what are those blue pants called?
woman: bellbottoms. you like my butt?
Mrs. Olson: can't tell. next time wear jeans so i have somewhere to focus my eyes.
groovy woman: almost finished. just need to apply the yellow paint.
Mrs. Olson: i ate some of it. i thought those were cans of cold fondue.

* Mrs. Olson: you're not superstitious, are you, dear? follow me under this ladder.
groovy woman: i'm more unsettled by your Hansel and Gretel picnic basket.

* Mrs. Olson: there are no shortcuts in life or coffee *pulls out instant coffee crystals*

* groovy woman: will i have a good life?
Mrs. Olson: look at my face.

* Mrs. Olson: i think Folgers tastes best. they're the only ones who didn't drop me as a sponsor after my incident.

* groovy woman: Mountain Grown? what does that mean? which mountain?
Mrs. Olson: that's where the children are, dear.

* i have that same percolator with the flowered white cylinder pot decanter and silver head and black handle and UFO spaceship bubble. my mom keeps her lemonade in it.

* groovy woman: how's it taste?
groovy man: like air.

* Mrs. Olson: why is your shirt covered in white stuff?
groovy man: well i was...
Mrs. Olson: no need to explain, honey. you experimented with a billygoat. back in my day that was called the studio system.


happy weekend, my babies. R.I.P. Ralphie


-H said...

This was hilarious! Waaay better than the commercial. I watched a few more commercials. The one about the pretty wife-bad steak was so stupid it was funny.

Good to read you. :-)


P.S. Husband pleasing coffee --geesh! Thank gawd times have changed.

Anonymous said...

Oh yea. Was surprised Ralphie died. -H

the late phoenix said...

H: thank you. these are my Friday Night Writes, my favorite day to write and have fun and get some therapy in. I am endlessly fascinated by old commercials, they’re little short films of a bygone era. yeah there’s too much news nowadays everyone gets lost in the shuffle. thanks again.