Monday, October 23, 2017


1. how much time do you spend taking care of your significant other?: a) more than taking care of myself, more than 60% of the time b) about 50% of my time c) 10% to 49%...i have kids! d) not really any time at all, definitely less than 10% of my time.

i don't really have time. it's not mine. not mine to give away. i tried to buy time once, but i couldn't find the seller. my dealer disappeared. who owns time? 10% to 49%...and i DON'T have kids. want some tho. i hope i don't end up like Al Bundy. i'll never forget that first episode, with Al and Peg on the couches. a neighbor asks "where are your kids?' and Al answers bluntly with a scowl "i don't know" and the ribald early-FOX audience cheer robustly with hearty growls. Bundy, Bundy, that name, THAT was why i was always scared of that show as a kid.

2. how do you sleep at night? a) with the whole bed to myself---yaay! b) i stay on my own side, someone else on their side c) we snuggle---start that way or end up that way d) we do not sleep together

not well. i was never an insomniac until Instagram. now i'm a hypersomniac. both are bad but at least with the latter i feel rested. i recently got a harder bed. will probably be my last bed till death. never knew they were so expensive. next time i'll get a cot. i don't have an SO but if i did, i'd start off in separate beds cos i always wanted to see what it would be like to be on the set of I Love Lucy. only in my twenties did i finally recognize what spooning was. for years people would come up to me and talk of "spooning" and i had no idea what the hell they were on about. not the foggiest. i thought of two spoons. clanging together. like the Soundgarden "Spoonman" video. we did not sleep together...but the child is mine.

3. what happens when you or your significant other get home from work? a) stop what you are doing to greet and hug each other b) engage in conversation about the day c) no specific acknowledgment of each other, no specific welcoming gesture but go about a household routine d) ignore each other

work? oh no, i'm hungry again. i have the feeling i'm going to be a stay-at-home dad. that's what cabana boys do, right? i am so bad with my sister. we really need to talk to each other more. she goes to her computer and i go to my computer...thank you for my computer.

4. how many things about yourself would you change? share 3 things and tell us why. i'd be more social, but then i wouldn't have this blog. i would disappear but for different reasons. i'd consume less sugar. but then i'd be more depressed. i would have tried harder to be an actor. not let the first turn-down kill my auditions. as strange as this sounds, i almost wished i had been a child actor. i mean i was living right there in Van Nuys in the '80s, a hop skip and traffic jam to Hollywood. i had an audition once when i was a little kid. for frozen orange juice in a can. but the line was too long and my mom took me out cos she had to go to Sears. the lady in the front had such kind eyes and gave me an acting packet anyway cos she knew i tried. what could have been. i could have been Scott Baio.

bonus: how many things would you change about a current significant other? that's impossible. you can't change people. you can only love them. the most powerful force in the universe is the love of a good girl to change a bad boy.


oh yeah, that ghoulish slime that would pour over the Married... with Children logo...

time to make the soup. Lipton Chicken Noodle with a basket of full-size brown russet potatoes. hopefully i don't get nicked. peeler cuts are the worst.


Michael Samadhi said...

ROTFLMAO - what a hoot! And here I just said this morning these were hard questions to have silly fun with . . . little did I know!

the late phoenix said...

we try to keep things light around here ;)

Jules said...

Time doesn't exist so number one is moot.

I'm a supersomniac - you have time to evole. Beds just make your room look normal. It's an illusion.

Cabana boys look after their mistresses then they get fed.

Change nothing. You are better than Scott Baio.

the most powerful force in the Universe is Hell Dust. *)

the late phoenix said...

"cabana boys look after their mistresses then they get fed."

that's hot. my body is ready. let's do this! I've been feeling lusty lately. I am so horny for food right now *)