1. what tv show do you love to watch but are a little embarrassed about telling friends you simply can't miss an episode? The Bachelor. i'm really into gardening.
i'm seriously excited for this Match Game reboot. even though Alec Baldwin can NEVER hold Gene Rayburn's skinny-mic jock. the thing about that show was you didn't care about the game, you just cared about the details of the party Dawson, Somers, and Reilly went to last night and wished you were a spanish fly on that shag-carpeted wall.
2. what magazine/website is your guilty pleasure to read? the one where the guy has a bullhorn and thinks everything that has ever happened in the world is a conspiracy. i remember our last telephone conversation:
me: even you?
crazy uncle: what?
me: so even you are a conspiracy? the greatest conspiracy of all is the conspiracy that everything's a conspiracy. that is itself a conspiracy.
my crazy uncle stopped giving me a nickel for my birthday after that. mom says i still have to support him. family, yamean?
3. what's the grocery store item you buy but you know you shouldn't? fruits and vegetables. i know their game. i know the real reason they're all shiny and glistening on the stand over there. they're obviously coated with pesticides. i saw those chemtrails in the sky on my way over. you can't fool me, government! CIA=Chemical Inducement Agency
4. tell us something you do at work that you wouldn't want your coworkers knowing? i don't use a hole punch to punch out the little holes on all your timecards, i use my dick.
5. do you have a secret stash? what is it? yes. one hair on my upper lip just below my nose.
bonus: what is your most embarrassing guilty pleasure? Mike Tyson Mysteries. i know i shouldn't, i know about Mike, but for the life of me i can't help it. it's the perfect show.
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