REALITY

learned:

* 111: Illuminati Just Starting Out

* postnuclear nuisances suck, but if you have a picnic basket you can at least get rid of the bear.

* narrator: Vault Boy, what are you doing? why aren't you shooting the enemy soldier at the location we've specified for you will be a 100% success rate?
Vault Boy: i'm lookin' at those magnificent hearts underwear he's got on. hey, enemy soldier, where'd you get those snazzy shorts?
enemy soldier: Macy's.
Vault Boy: haven't worn clean underwear since before the War...

* enemy soldier: WHY AM I LEAKING OIL OUT OF HOLES IN MY BODY?!!!
Vault Boy: relax, it's root beer.

* enemy policeman: hey sonny, what's written on your bag there? LOOT?
Vault Boy: TOOL, TOOL! i'm a huge fan. best music videos around. Tool and Bjork, that's the list.

* child: you stole my candy and comic book!
Vault Boy: they're both bad for you, kid.
old woman: you stole my dentures!
Vault Boy: it's fun to eat steak through a straw.
injured soldier: you stole my crutch!
Vault Boy: your leg will grow back. with all this radiation around, none of us are humans anymore.

* Vault Boy: i have an extra eye.
narrator: that's good, Vault Boy, you're learning. the third eye, the sixth sense, you're growing spiritually.
Vault Boy: no, the eye is floating above my head.
narrator: oh. you're crazy then.

* Vault Boy: i'm not a good sniper.
narrator: just takes practice. and for you to turn cold.
Vault Boy: is there anywhere else to practice besides this completely barren desert? it's kinda hard when you have to hide behind the one small cactus here. are there any buildings?
narrator: what about your Vault?
Vault Boy: i don't like to take my work home with me.

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happy weekend